The Struggling Actress

Dear Struggling Actress

2012-02-02T16:54:00.000-08:00

Fellow Theatre Nerd Sarah Jane is moving back to LA later this month! Hooray! But she's been out of the LA scene for a while and she has a question:

So... we are very excited to get back to business. I LOVE marketing and your blog posts about Actors Access were really helpful as I learn about how digital the whole business has gone since 2005 when we left! My biggest question for you is which sites should we post ourselves and/or submit ourselves on? There are so many and often they come with subscription fees at various levels. From my research so far its seems we need to have a presence on:

LA Casting
NOW Casting
Actors Access
IMDB Pro
Casting Frontier
and the SAG website.

It all seems like a little much! What are your thoughts on this?

Well, thanks for reading Sarah Jane! (and readers, stick around for Monday's surprise from her!) I agree. It's a lot of stuff.

Here's how I (a struggling actress for a reason, so grain of salt and all that) am going to break it down:

LA Casting - They are primarily known for commercials so once you have an agent, s/he will make you sign up and upload your pictures and resume, but you don't need to spend the extra money on a membership that lets you submit on projects that are pretty much non-union stuff and student films. If the project is somewhat good, they'll repost the same thing on Actors Access.

NOW Casting- This is great if you're just starting out. But I mean, still in college, need to get credits, that sort of thing. You're a bit past that. It's all non-to low pay projects, and a lot of it is student films. You don't need it.

Actors Access - YES. Get on here. You can read my three articles on how to Effectively use this website, and you need to be here. Get the pictures up, the resume done, and upload your reels. Worth it. There's a lot of non-union work here, but there's a few union stuff and paying student films. You need to be on here for your agent to submit you for film/tv projects, but the Showfax membership to AA is invaluable, in my opinion.

IMDB Pro - I think having pictures up here is nice. People will look you up, and having your photo up here will help them go, "Oh yeah! Her!" I don't have my reel up on here yet because I don't want random Joe to be able to watch clips of my work, which is completely hypocritical, considering I have places and links to do so from my public blog but this is up to you.

Now, having a subscription to IMDB Pro is incredibly useful for other things. You can research agents, their clients, and whether you think you'd be a good fit at the agency when you are submitting for representation. Also, the addresses, websites and emails are all up to date on here (as opposed to The Agency Book you can buy at Sam French). And a lot of agent's websites, listed on their imdb profiles will include information on how to submit to them online, which saves you a ton of money on mailing hard copies and postage.

Casting Frontier - Your agent will make you get a subscription so they can submit you for commercial projects on here. I haven't bothered to see what else they have. I really believe if it's important, it'll be posted on AA.

SAG website - Are you referring to iActor? Where you can upload your reel for free? This is on my to-do list, but amazingly, I always seem to have other more pressing errands, and haven't gotten around to it. It's free. Why not?

And I'm adding - Casting About - I think this is great if you are at the level where you're starting to go out for bigger roles in tv and film. You can see what else casting has done, what projects they're currently casting, add notes about each audition, or info you find about them. One of the selling points was that if you do postcards, you can see where a lot of their offices are, because this site is updated Every Day. Now, I personally believe postcards Do NOT work, but to each her own.

And don't forget! All the subscriptions for the things above are TAX DEDUCTIBLE. They count as "actor services"; tools you need to propel your business forward. So save your receipts!

Easily Entertained

2012-02-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

My husband says he loves me because I am so easily entertained. But who wouldn't be with new Mittens that look like this??

He bought these adorable wolf mitten/puppets and seriously, it's ridiculous how much fun we are having making our hand puppets talk.

And I would agree with him that yes, I am easily entertained, but I just saw an episode of Are You There, Chelsea? and it was AWFUL. So really, maybe I'm just a five year old kid in a 24 [hack! cough!] year old's body.

Are You There Chelsea was so bad. The jokes, or what I think were meant to be jokes, were either lame or non-existent. I felt awful. Not for Laura Prepon, (who either picked a bad project or I'm just not that into her) but for the girl who plays her roommate, Lauren Lapkus. It's like, Lauren!!! You got a SERIES REGULAR on a new show produced by CHELSEA HANDLER?!?!? CONGRATS!! THAT'S FANTASTIC!!!!! Oh my gosh! I just saw an episode.....um...hey....you are doing GREAT with what they're giving you. CAUSE THEY'RE GIVING YOU SHIT.

Lauren, if you're reading, I'll buy you a drink and you can cry on my shoulder about how you thought it would be so much better, and I'll tell you, girl, don't worry. There's this new show called Next Caller, Please, and you are so perfect for the role of Winnie, they'll probably just offer it to you, and the writing is SO good! It'll be fun! And hey, would you mind getting the tip? I'm trying to save a little money over here.....

Speaking of saving money....

I was a reader for a FREE WORKSHOP that Casting Director Billy DaMota put up last Wednesday (sign up for ActorRated.com's newsletter!) and had a fantastic time watching everyone, and even got to perform three times with the three actors who needed a female scene partner. Yup, I got to go on stage and everything! I thought I was just going to have to sit in my chair, but I got to go up! Oh, the actors are were so good! And, one of them even said she's a long time reader. So --

Hi Musme!!!! :D

Anyways, Billy DaMota is a wonderful guy. He will help you, and he will do casting director workshops ALL. FOR. FREE.

And let me tell you something else - there are people out here who will tell you that they can teach you something, if you pay them hundreds of dollars. These people will say they're an industry insider, when the only thing they can get inside is your wallet. Don't pay these people anything. If you need basic information, CHECK ACTING BLOGS.

I HAVE A TON OF INFORMATION ALL FOR FREE!

(random fact: did you know that the "for" in "for free" is grammatically redundant? It just sounds wrong to me without it, so sorry Grammar Nazis!)

And if people who try to take your money use words like "fuck" or "ninja" in their promo videos, Stay away.

Need proof?

Keep your money.

Or, give it to me, so I can tip the waitress for when me and Lauren Lapkus go out for cocktails.

If You are Sag, Aftra, or Non-Union

2012-01-25T11:12:00.000-08:00

via

So, you know, if you are EVERYONE, you should read this:

The Hollywood Reporter has done an incredible article on what the Sag-Aftra merger will mean to those needing to get into the unions. There are tougher admissions and initiation might be more expensive.

Enjoy!

How to Drive in the Rain in LA

2012-01-22T11:55:00.000-08:00

Don't.

Ha Ha! Okay, sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you have to drive from the valley to Santa Monica at 3:30 in the rain. You can pretty much guess that this commute in dry weather takes about an hour and 20 minutes now, due to the road work on Sepulveda (why do I keep taking Sepulveda?!), but if it is raining, seriously, estimate another hour into your drive time.

I know, I know, but there's something Angeleno's love to yell at one another while driving in the rain,

"It's Just WATER!!!"

To these distinguished gentlemen, with their fingers extended, I would like to say, "Yes it is just water. Over a layer of oil."

When it rains in LA, you can be pretty sure that it is after several weeks of sunshine, and possibly a wonderful heatwave of temperatures in the 80s in January.

The oils in the freeway are from cars slowly dripping them. And there are a lot of cars on the freeways at all times.

Fresh rainwater on top of oil on the freeways make it very dangerous. It's not just water, dear sir, it's automobile salad dressing!

So if you're driving on the 101 in the rain, and you're at that part near Hollywood where the speed limit drops down to 55, really actually drive that slow, okay?

And when you're on side streets, and it's raining, and there are pedestrians waiting to cross, give em a break and let them pass. Like, if you're at the Target parking lot, even, these poor people are getting wet wile you're in your car, dry, with the heat turned on. Do em a solid and let them get to the store and their cars quickly.

Also, use your horn less. Your horn is loud. Really loud. And pedestrians, who are already wet and cold and irritated, have to listen to the eardrum busting blast. It's maddening. So if you can give the guy in front of you a full THREE SECONDS to look up and notice that the light is green (as opposed to the point three seconds we seem to give our fellow drivers) everyone will be happier. It's just nice.

If your car is not compact, do not park in a compact spot.

And remember, they are called blind spots for a reason. If someone changed lanes and cut you off, do not go ballistic on them. They probably honestly, did not see you. They're not called "on-purposes" they're called accidents. Try not to drive in anyone's blind spot. And if someone does something completely stupid, try to let it go. I know it's hard, but retaliation is dangerous, no matter how awesome it may feel while you're doing it.

Don't tailgate. And if someone is tailgating you, and you can get into another lane, do it. Douchnozzles also carry driver's licenses, no matter how unfair. If you can't get into another lane, you can do what I do (and it's rather effective!) I take my foot off the brake very slowly, so I'm slowing down a pinch, and I put my hazard lights on. That makes Douchnozzle believe something is wrong with my car, so he'll get into another lane to avoid being behind me. Try it!

We have this entitlement in LA, where we believe if we are in a lane, that lane is now ours and no one else's! I talked to a friend who learned how to drive in LA as a 15 year old, and her instructor told her to not even put on her blinkers until she was halfway through the lane already, because otherwise, people will speed up to keep you from having a safe amount of distance to change lanes.
So, give people a break. Let them come into your lane. It's okay. Sharing is caring.

Be safe out there. Be friendly, be cautious, be awesome.

Live Near Long Beach, CA?

2012-01-12T10:40:00.000-08:00

Just got an email from my modeling agent (I sound so fancy, don't I) I'm currently on avail for this gig, so if you get it, we'll work together! And we'll both get paid!

Michael Karg is an international hair celebrity. He even has his own line of shears! He's in one of the main stages at the International Salon and Spa Expo in Long Beach later this month, and his show is super easy (I worked with him two years ago. He wanted to work with me again last year but I was growing my hair out for my wedding). There's no runway, no complicated choreographed walk you have to learn. You just get your hair cut on one stage, and then colored at another.

And I can tell you with confidence, Michael Karg is a sweetheart.

He needs a few more models. Want to join me? Just let my modeling agent know I referred you.

Good luck!

HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO MIGHT BE INTERESTED?

HAVE THEM CALL US @ 562.433.8097.

***PLEASE SUBMIT CURRENT COLOR HEADSHOTS & PROFILE
& BACK OF HEAD SHOT BY FRI. 1/13/12!***

CLIENT: KARG

LOCATION: LONG BEACH, CA

AUDITION: DIRECT FROM PICS & PHONE INTERVIEW

PREP. DAY: SAT. 1/28

SHOW DATES: SUN. 1/29 OR MON. 1/30

RATE: $300.00 - 20% AGENCY FEE

(INCLUDES PREP & SHOW)

MODEL REQUIREMENTS:

***MUST BE OPEN TO CUT & COLOR WITHIN YOUR LIMITATIONS***

FEMALES: 5'6 & TALLER, 0-8 DRESS, AGES: 18-30

NO WEAVES, EXTENSIONS, OR RELAXERS, AND AT LEAST 4 INCHES OF HAIR

Being Busy

2012-01-07T11:59:00.000-08:00

Pilot season is usually dead for Struggling Actresses, and I know this, so in December I said to myself, "What can I do to not feel like I'm out of the loop?"

Welp, I did a few things.

I got really tired of only going out for non-union commercials. The pay isn't all that great, there's no residuals, and to drive from the Valley to Santa Monica at 3pm (I swear all my audition times were then!) took me on average, an hour to get there, an hour and a 15 of waiting time, and then an hour and 45 minutes to get home. I said, you know, I really don't want to be doing this anymore.

So I joined Sag. Now if I have to wait over an hour to audition, I get paid! Now if I have to drive all the way to Santa Monica and spend that much time in my car, the potential job will pay me a lot more money.

And even though I didn't have the money to pay for dues, the Aftra/Sag Credit Union is offering loans for Sag dues with easy monthly payment plans. You don't even have to be a member of the bank. I got approved, turned in my paperwork, and in a few weeks got my new shiny card.

Since I had been going out before (and quite often) for non-union commercials, my agent warned me that my audition ratio would drop, but I found this quite palatable after all the money I was spending on gas, and all the time I was spending in my car on auditions and callbacks for things that don't pay very well.

And being Sag now means that my agent can ONLY send me out for Sag gigs. HOORAY!

I also said, you know what? I should have a voice over reel. So I took a class and am putting on the finishing touches for my demo. I think it's pretty good. It should be all finished and done by Friday, and my manager will then go shop it around to agencies. One more hat in the ring.

I went to New Jersey and Pennsylvania to visit my husband's family over the holidays. It was unseasonably warm and we enjoyed ourselves very much. We babysat our 10 month old niece for a few days and it's remarkable how fast babies learn: because her parents always take her bib off when she's done eating, she's learned that if she rips it off herself, it signals to us that she's finished. If you try to get her to eat one more bite, she'll put it in her mouth, look at you, then spit it out. "Duh! I took my BIB off, ya'll! I'm DONE."

We came back and I went about the process of changing my maiden name.

A day later, a friend of ours asked us if we were doing anything on the night of the 30th. He wanted to drive up to Cambria, and elope with his fiancee on the beach after midnight so that they'd be married on New Year's Eve. Would I marry them?

Of course! So off we went up the coast to one of the most romantic spots, and I married two wonderful people to each other.

Then we celebrated the New Year. I'm always hopeful in January. This is going to be a good year.

I found an old photo of myself wearing a straight haired red wig and contemplated a huge change.

Then a friend passed along some info about narrating audio books. So I took my microphone and created a demo for that and sent it in.

I had two commercial auditions last week and one callback, where the director said my first take was "too sexy," something I never ever thought I would hear, and tickled me to no end.

My photographer friend Tanya (check the sidebar for a referral discount! --->)
just moved to a new studio space and asked if I would be her lighting test model. Of course!

I'm hopeful, and I'm adding more eggs to my little acting nest. I might have to sit on them for a while to hatch, but that's okay.

2012 is going to be better than 2011. I can feel it.

I hope you can too.

Hopeful

2012-01-02T13:42:00.000-08:00

This time of year is dead for Struggling Actresses; first we have the extended long holiday break, and then we have pilot season. It's like an abandoned airport for us. No pilots, no flights, no nothing.

BUT

I always feel hopeful in January. Maybe it's because of all the time with friends and family, and seeing Christmas through the eyes of a 10 month old baby this year. Maybe it's because I married two friends to one another on the beach on New Year's Eve. Maybe it's because for the next twelve months,

Anything Can Happen.

Anything.

And some of us get bitter, and some of us get sick of it all. But there are a few of us who wonder, "what's in store, next?" "What else can I learn?" "Who else can I spend time with?"

And it's those few who can maintain the crazy, the unfair, the almost had its, with grace, humility and open arms.

Cause we artists have to be a little crazy to ask for this life, and even crazier to keep pursuing it.

I wish you all a new year filled with happiness and health, because that's what is the most important. And I also wish you a little craziness, so you too can get through it, laugh with it, and find the love that always surrounds you.

Happy New Year.

Gifts for Actors

2011-12-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a loved one will ask him or herself, "What should I get my Struggling Actress friend/family member?" Here are some very useful tips, ranging in the super cheap to the pricey. Happy Gift Giving!

A Gas gift card.
We drive all around the city to get to our auditions and callbacks and gas is not cheap. Some companies will even let you reload it. If you'd like, you can do what my dad did as a graduation gift: he gave me a Chevron credit card so that gas was on him for my first year in LA. It was way better than a watch.

Visa/Mastercard gift cards.
We also take cash!

A Smart Phone.
Hopefully in this day and age, every actor has one, but man, what a difference it has made in my life as an actress. If I'm waiting my turn at an audition, I can go online and submit myself for other projects! Great for researching too. Maybe the actor in your life needs an upgrade?

A black and white laser printer.
We go through pages of sides for auditions, for classes, we print call sheets and maps. I have a very nice color ink jet printer, but buying ink over and over again was hurting my pocketbook. It felt like every two weeks I needed more ink, and I was practically searching under couch cushions to find enough money to keep purchasing them. I bought a laser printer (it was cheaper than buying the ink jet ink I needed!) and freaking LOVE it. I used to go to copy centers to print my resumes, but so few casting people are taking resumes anymore (commercials pretty much don't) so if I need to print my resume, I can do it at home, saving me a trip and money.
You can also buy them replacement ink too.

Printer paper.
See above.

Highlighters and pens.
We go through them. It'd be nice to get a bulk pack. It's a thoughtful cheap gift.

Offer to pay for a month of acting classes.
I recommend going to this guy.

A subscription to Entertainment Weekly.
It's research!

And my dear readers, please help with other gift suggestions too!

You Keep On

2011-12-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

I wish I could tell you that I got that audition. That someone saw my tape and said, "Yes! This is exactly what we want!"

That the calls from my reps were answered.

That the call from the other cd who vouched for me was returned, and I was talked about.

That my taped audition was seen and something came of it.

But I can't tell you that.

And when a Struggling Actress has SO much going for her, has so many people on her side, rooting, cheering, and yet, still, nothing happens, a Struggling Actress is going to ask herself, "What is enough? What is freaking enough to get attention? To get an audition? What is enough to get my foot in the door?"

I don't know. I don't know what is enough.

But I do know one thing:
I have to keep on keeping on.

I had auditioned for a music video two years ago but didn't book it. The musician left me a lovely email then about how he thought I was lovely and although I didn't book the role, he had hoped to use me for something in the future. A month ago, I got another email from him. Would I be interested in starring in his new music video? Of course!

So Saturday, after a week of telling myself to keep on keeping on, I was on set of music video, with my own dressing room.

And I won't lie, seeing my name on a dressing room door NEVER gets old. It doesn't.

So I'm going to keep on keeping on, because people do like me. People do remember me.

Eventually, my time will come.

And so will yours.

xoxo

Limitless

2011-11-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

There's a space in time when even a Struggling Actress can feel like there is no limit. It happens every so often.

It's happening now.

Last Monday, my acting teacher coached a client for a series regular role. He emailed me the sides, with "Your people need to get you in for this." I read the three scenes he attached and of course, of course. From the description to the sides, it's so right for me. As if someone was watching me for the last three years and said, "Hey, I'm gonna write a role for you."

I put myself on tape.

I posted on facebook -" I wish I could email this casting director my audition and she'd write to my reps, 'Where has she been all this time?! She's wonderful!'"

And get this - a casting director I've worked with asked me what role and show, and three days later, he asks if the CD called me into her office yet, because he called her himself and pitched me.

Yes, that really happened.

My manager also just emailed my taped audition to the casting director directly.

We might be completely out of the game already - we might be days too late - BUT - with all these people in my corner, it just makes me feel like Okay! I have an entire TEAM behind me, rooting, cheering, trying to get me in there. "She is worth it! She is talented! She Should Be Seen!"

And maybe, just maybe, I will be.

The Haps

2011-11-15T13:07:00.000-08:00

What happens when I find myself kinda lost?

I make lists! I love lists!

And one of the things that has been on my list for a while is Voice Over. Yes, Voice Over, the thing every struggling actress thinks she should get into because surely, no one else has thought to do this too, and she'll make a ton of money booking work from auditions she can do at her own home!

Now, I've really been paying attention to voice overs on commercials on the radio and television, and really noticing how different they all are. How, if we did any type of voice over work on our scene work, we'd be kicked out of class for being too theatrical.

I've been paying attention to cartoons - kids cartoons and adult cartoons, and noticing the difference.

I'm even taking a Voice Over class.

And I love it. How musical it all is. How "taking your voice and pushing it to the front of your mouth" (whatever the eff that means) can produce another sound.

So my website now has a Voice Over tab where I'll have the small online cartoons I worked on serve as a place holder for the Commercial Voice Over reel I'll have in 6 weeks, and the Animation Voice Over reel I'll hopefully have next year.

The big lesson I've learned this month? When I'm feeling like I have no control and nothing's happening, find another acting skill and learn as much as I can about it. Research, study, make things happen.

Make things happen!

Perfect November Skies

2011-11-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your good thoughts and for those of you who reached out to me via email in regards to my mother. She is back at her care facility, feeling better. Trying to figure out how to prevent further infections will be a challenge, as she won't go to a dentist until she is in so much pain she'll agree to go to the hospital. For some reason, she can't seem to remember the old Mom adage, an ounce of prevention...

I feel like I'm fighting something that might not really be there. Like I'm a hypochondriac battling an infection. That's what life has been feeling like. Unsure, unbalanced, tripping along, hoping I'll be able to straighten my feet out so I can walk again. No more uphill, no more San Francisco streets, just even, Valley, perfectly flat gridded streets.

If only it was that easy, right?

Maybe I'm on a precipice of something major, something huge, and like a dog before an earthquake, I'm uneasy, whimpering.

I prefer the overcast gray skies; fitting my moods. Perfect November mornings.

Healing

2011-11-04T01:02:00.000-07:00

I've been trying not to mention it. To not go on about it in the real world, because if I talk about it, my throat balloons and my eyes float in high tides. Most people close to me don't know. I've only been telling you.

I walked into her hospital room today and her mouth was slack and she was staring at the television, her eyes open, watery.

I asked her how she was.

Her response was raspy. "I can't talk," she gasped.

I thought about the time in therapy, when I realized the only time my mother touched me was when I was sick. She would put her small hand on my forehead to check my temperature, and I would marvel at the softness, not knowing I had been waiting since last flu season to feel it. That I had been waiting for my mother's magic healing caress.

A child subconsciously craves their mother's hand. You don't know you are until you get it and then inexplicably exhale.

I sat next to her and put my hand on her forehead. It's okay, Mom. We don't have to talk. I'll just sit with you for a while.

I placed my hand on her forehead, smoothing her hair back down, over and over again.

Let this help you feel better. Let this heal you.

I am here, I am here.

.

2011-11-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

Sixty-Six

2011-11-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

You saw your mother last week, toting your husband, wedding photos, stories and anecdotes, but she was quiet, different. And she was saying things that were odder than usual. After almost a year of her being happy to see you, as happy as she can be, which isn't much, but you take it, gladly, hungry for it, any morsel will do because happy is love and maybe she can feel that she loves you, she is not happy to see you. She is indifferent.

You see your mother two days ago for her birthday.You are with your aunt, her sister, and you drive to the care facility, "The Manor," a little worried because the onsite Nurse has called your aunt saying that your mother has been complaining about her face, and she doesn't look good. But she won't go to the doctor or the dentist.

You are driving, talking to your aunt about what you might say, how best to handle your mother's fears about dentists, their drills, their metal hooks and scrapers. Your mother doesn't want to go to the dentist because she doesn't want false teeth, she has always said. But she never brushes.

If it is an infection in her mouth and if not taken care of, the infection can get into the blood and kill her. And you try not to say, "good, good, this is what she wants, she wants to die," but you think you and your aunt are both choosing not to say it out loud. You think about how if your mother was your pet, you could have said goodbye to her years ago, dignified, the vets agreeing this was for the best.

Maybe if you talk about how the pain medicine is good now, how you don't feel a tooth being pulled, how they numb you completely, maybe she'll understand and go.

Maybe.

You finally arrive. Your mother is in her room and the caretakers open the front door to The Manor already worried. "Her face has been swollen," they say, "it's better today."

You go into her room. She is resting, like you always find her, on her side with the blanket over her head. Tired? Cold? Hiding?

You see her face. The left side so swollen and twice the size when just last week, she was fine. For her.

You are surprised. Taken completely aback, but you try not to look startled.

You have always thought, she needs to die, and if it's an infection from her teeth, then so be it. But you didn't think about the pain. You didn't realize that to die of an infection is to die a very painful death. She is your mother, your mother, you don't want her to be hurting.

"Does it hurt?" you ask, "are you in pain?"

"There is a volcano in my mouth." she says. And you try to catalogue what she just said, as you've been doing, so that you can make fun of it later, turn them into jokes, so that instead of crying, you can laugh. Say something like, well, at least one of the voices in her head is good at imagery, a poet.

But she is angry when your aunt mention the dentist. "You can just leave," she huffs loudly, until your aunt distracts her with, "Don't you want to open your gifts?"

She will come out with you, to Starbucks instead of lunch, because she only wants to eat soft foods and doesn't want to eat now. She orders a warm drink. And she doesn't say much. She stares. You try to include her in the conversation, but you can't think of things to say to her. You and your aunt catch up, and your mother stares.

Your mother asks if you can just drive around for a little bit, and you suggest going to the park, but when you get there, it is crowded. She doesn't want to get out and walk the perimeter. "Just drive around," she says, so you go through the neighborhood and try to find the fun Halloween decorations and point them out to her but you don't know how well she sees them because she won't go to the optometrist. The doctor.

You finish and call it a day, dropping your mother off back to the Manor and try to hug her although she's not interested in that.

On the way home, your aunt and you talk about schedules, houses, selling condos and property taxes, the benefits of owning versus renting because the last thing you want to talk about is your mother.

You are now back home, your aunt driving back over the hill, your husband still in Long Beach. You are alone. And for the first time in years,

in Years,

you think,

This

Isn't

Fair.

Because as much as you want her to die, to slip out of this broken body and be free of it, you didn't count on the pain she'd be feeling when she gets sick.

And your throat hurts, and your eyes water, because she is your mother. In pain. And she refuses to let you take her to get medicine or see someone to help her. You can't help your own mother.

You think about the future, about how your mother will be cremated, like she's asked for the last 22 years, how there will be no funeral, no memorial.

No place you can go to, to grieve, to take solace, to feel like, if you go there, she will know, and stand beside you, invisible, understanding, full of love.

You think about her ashes, how you would want some of them. To take them with you to visit your own sister, and together you two could go and mourn for the mother you never had. To sprinkle them in the wind so that she may be carried off to the sky, up to heaven, and surrounded with light and love and be weightless with no fears, no worries, no voices.

Your mother, in heaven, maybe smiling down at you and proud. Maybe waiting patiently up there so that when you die, she will be the first in line to welcome you home, in arms that hug back, and say, "I am so proud of you, and I know it was hard, but I love you, and you are here in my arms, and home."

And that is heaven: Your mother, free of voices in her head, free of fears, free of all the pain, hugging you tight, saying she loves you.

Happy 66th birthday, Mom.

Home At Last Premiere!

2011-10-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

It's finally here! Woo Hoo! And every other week until the end of the year, you'll see me post an episode for the series I worked on with some very lovely and talented people, including William Russ, who you've probably seen on Boy Meets World, as Corey's Dad. Yeah. We grew up watching him on Friday nights, and I got to work with him! Career highlight? I say Yes!

Do me a favor and watch this, wouldja?

And if you go here, you can see two bonus videos (the one with Jeff Lewis is not safe for work and filled with a lot of dirty words. If you're not into that, don't watch it. If you are into it, you'll definitely enjoy it)!

Woo Hoo!

Fall Tv

2011-10-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

I love Fall in Los Angeles. It looks a lot like summer, except with better television programming!

Let's talk about a few of the shows I've watched:

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Happy Endings. (Technically, this is their second season.)

If you haven't caught on, catch! It's so funny. I love the pacing, the energy, the ridiculousness, and it gives me such happiness that Casey Wilson, who was rumored to be fired for being too fat, has found a great, wonderful vehicle for herself. And a shout out to Elisha Cuthbert for taking a character who could have been extremely annoying, into a friend we want to watch and root for.

Also, Damon Wayans Jr and Eliza Coupe might be the best married couple on television. Seriously, you'd want them to come to your party.

And Zachary Knighton, you are super dreamy.

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2 Broke Girls
I am enjoying this for the most part, but know it's just going to get better with time. Next season will be stronger, and the third will be even better. Right now, we have to grow with the two leads, but the supporting cast are just stereotypes and cliches. Even so, I'm excited to see where this show will take us.

I do feel bad for the actresses, however, because they both wear heeled shoes with their work uniform. I get that Beth Behrs, playing the used- to- be -stinkin- rich- girl had to leave her home with the clothing on her back (and shoes on her feet) but it hurts me to watch Kat Dennings tromp around on set whenever she's wearing her boots with her work uniform.

I hate that they're wearing heels as waitresses in the first place (try 9 hours of standing like that in real life). It feels like Michael Patrick King, who co-created the show with Whitney Cummings, is trying to capitalize on the Sex and the City shoe glamor of years passed. But I don't get it. Put them in sensible sneakers, you guys! You're making your viewers feel bad for them!

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New Girl
"After a bad break-up, Jess, a quirky young woman, moves into an apartment loft with three single men. Although they find her behavior very unusual, the men support her and they become like family."
Zooey Deschanel stars as Jess, a woman who is far too pretty and well dressed to ever be considered "weird" or "annoying" in real life. And that's the major problem for me. I have nothing against ZooeyD - I thought she was GREAT in 500 Days of Summer, but this show feels like they're taking Zooey's quirky/cute brand and shoving her down my throat and force feeding her to me that she's likable and a goof and look! she sings to herself! how adorkable!
No.
This is a show that NEEDED to have an unknown female lead. I don't buy ZooeyD as this girl. They needed someone we could all really believe IS this person. Having indie darling ZooeyD star in this was just a bad idea. So I really hate this show. Now, I know a few people who love it, which I really don't get, but I was thinking to myself, this show might work better if it was a 3 camera sitcom, like the Big Bang Theory. I don't think 1 camera is doing them any favors. And the jokes don't work for me. If Jess was played by a heavier, dorkier girl (think first season Ugly Betty star America Ferrara) the show would make sense to me and I'd watch.

But as of now, all three of the three episodes I've seen has Jess being quirky! the guys not liking it! Jess saving them from embarassment by being her quirky self! The guys falling in love with her! Then Jess being quirky! And the guys finding her annoying again!
Barf. (and let me go ahead and say that I really hate their poster too. WHY am I so against this show?!)

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Once Upon a Time
"Centers on a woman with a troubled past who is drawn into a small town in Maine where the magic and mystery of Fairy Tales just may be real."
Saw the first episode last night and fully expected to not care for it. But I did! Interesting idea and I'm excited to see where it goes in the next couple of episodes, because it looks like we'll get to see all the fairy tale characters' back stories and that interests me a great deal.

And I'm really glad someone has finally put Jennifer Morrison and Ginnifer Goodwin together in the same show, cause I always thought they looked alike and used to confuse them for one another.

Do you agree or disagree with me on what I've seen so far? What shows are you loving?

"Does It Feel Different?"

2011-10-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

After getting hitched two weeks ago, people have been asking me, "Does it feel different?"

Yes and No.

There is something to be said about suddenly getting to say things like, "This is my husband," or, "I need to talk to my husband before I can commit to this." I mean, I'm saying things my mother used to say! It's a very....grown up feeling.

It's different in the social-sphere as well, akin to graduating from Elementary School and now suddenly, you go to Junior High (!) and you have a locker(!) and a schedule(!) and a gym uniform(!). You are the same kid, but now, perceived a little differently because you are considered to be more mature, Sailor Moon Pillowcases be damned!

But maybe because we haven't gone on a honeymoon yet, it kinda feels the same too. Same apartment, same guy, same habits. It's still comfortable and still fun.

Speaking of comfortable and fun, I'd like to share with you some of the wonderfulness that was our Wedding Day.

All pictures are copyrighted by our wonderful friend, photographer Tanya Giang.

Isn't this beautiful?
When I asked Gloria to be my Lady of Awesome (Maid of Honor is too diminutive a term for all her powers), she replied, "Of course!" And in the same breath "-But only if I can be your Production Designer too." An emphatic yes with the one condition that she be in charge of making it pretty. Thank goodness! I know absolutely NOTHING about making things pretty!

We started on Pinterest and I said that I wanted an arch of some kind and I really liked the look of fabric falling. She corrected me, "You want a focal point?" Yes. And she basically went from there. Our colors are purple and red, nodding to our color coding at Burning Man, and she turned her back yard into the beauty you see above. The structure in the back is called a Star Plate Dome, and our friends Amelia and Kevin lovingly let us borrow it. Gloria had bought all the fabric and sewn cut out paper flowers that I had punched to create beautiful garlands.

Our friend Resa said "I want to help!" and help she did! She, Gloria, and Joe (he likes to be anonymous :) put in about 40 hours to make flowers out of plastic table cloths, tissue paper, pipe cleaner and felt. Joe even went out on his own and bought the gigantic pom poms hanging from the tree. He simply arrived at the house one day, saying, "I went out and got these, because they need them." How lovely is that? Resa made a gajillion flowers and did all the arrangements.

Note the pretty bottle stakes, too. We did a lot of upcycling!

Gloria researched benches, drew up a plan and Perry (the Best Man) and Anthony (my HUSBAND) put them together. Gloria sealed and stained them. She really can do anything.

Gloria can also tie bow ties. Here is my beautiful fiance at the time. He chose all parts of the outfit himself.

Here are Anthony and Perry looking quite dashing, yes? The boutonnieres are made of felt. Resa made the prototypes and Joe and Gloria helped make the eleven we needed.

Resa and Gloria made the bouquets! We're also wearing dahlia felt hair pins.

And here's a few notes about the dress: it's from Unique Vintage in Burbank. [And I just want to say that the staff at Unique Vintage was so sweet. They never rushed us, always made us feel important, and were attentive without being pushy. We had a great experience shopping there.] Here's the original dress, actually. We liked it, but I wanted more color for it to pop. We took out the removable modesty panel, the corset string and seam ripped the tulle off, and Gloria and I dyed it on her stove. She told me that we weren't going to get an exact color match, but we practically did. Another friend, Carrie (a costume designer!), agreed that the tulle peeking out was just way too long and lovingly reattached it much higher so that it was more flattering.

Note the garland of flowers and circles behind us. Gloria used different strips of tulle and other fabric for the different textures.

A huge shout out to Sandra D for m 1950s hair style. Is it not beautiful!? In order to feel glamorous, I like to straighten and then recurl my hair, but I can never do a good job myself. Sandra D is famous for her vintage hairstyling. She even teaches classes. Go to her.

My necklace is a gift Anthony's mom, Nina, presented to me when we first met. She has Amazing taste in jewelry, and I was so happy to wear this necklace on the day I married her son. The bracelet is my "something borrowed" from my Aunt Sira. It was her mother's, and I believe, judging from the clasp, that it was made sometime in the 60s. It's gorgeous. I was very close to my grandmother and it was so lovely of my aunt to let me borrow it.

We elected to do family photos before the ceremony. I knew my makeup would run and I'd have to fix it, so I made sure to have us take pictures when we all looked fresh and so clean, clean, cause I'm a little vain like that.

Now the ceremony. Anthony escorted Mama Nina down the aisle to her seat, and she's already crying. I love this photo. He is such a Mama's boy, and he is her favorite son (it's okay for me to say that. He's her only son :)

Months ago, that Bruno Mars song came on the radio, "Just the Way You Are" and Anthony told me that he always thinks of me when he hears that song. That song was already a contender for what I wanted to walk down the aisle to, but I wanted something a little slower than the original. I found this cover by Tyler Ward, featuring AHMIR . It was a surprise. I never told Anthony this was what I was walking to. As soon as the song started playing, he started crying. He later told me that after he seated his mom and he took his place at the alter, the enormity of the day really hit him. His eyes watered he said. But then my song started playing, and that's the moment he started crying.
He's a big ole softy.

[During the reception, actually, we asked our DJ Jimmy G at No1 Betta to find a LOT of old Italian songs, and he did! If you guys need a dj (or want to go karaoke-ing!!) check them out on their Facebook page. ]

I am so happy! It was either Gloria or Resa's idea to strew paper cutouts on the aisle path. I didn't know it was there until I walked out. It was beautiful!!

We're here! Getting Married! We can't stop smiling!! And hey! Do you recognize our Officiant, Tracy? It's none other than Phoenix!! And not only was she amazing as our Officiant, but she then appointed herself our Day Of Coordinator, making sure we ate food, had water to drink, and stuck to our wedding schedule. And this was all on 5 hours sleep, as she was shooting a top secret movie with her as the lead, doing night shoots for the previous five days, working her job in the afternoon, and the day before our wedding, attending an all day conference. She was absolutely wonderful.

Anthony is reading his personal vows to me. He had to keep pausing after every sentence because he was on the brink of tears the whole time.

My turn for vows!

My dad is a little overwhelmed by our vows. I remember an old jewelry commercial where the Father of the Bride is saying to his daughter, "They say the happiest day of your life is the day you get married. It's not. It's the day your daughter gets married." Isn't that beautiful? I imagine my dad is feeling some of that here.

I am repeating my marital vows with my hand on his heart. They were a bit long, but poignant, specific, and exactly what we wanted. It ended with "From my hand, to your heart, I thee wed." After this, we exchanged rings.

Tracy gave the authority of everyone at our wedding to pronounce us as Husband and Wife together with her. It was fantastic! She said, "Anthony and Lira, with the authority vested in all of us, me, your family, and friends, we now pronounce you [and then she pointed to the audience for their cue, and they all said] Husband and Wife!" 63 of our closest family and friends pronounced us. It was great!

MARRIED!!

Our first dance. Do you see Mama Nina and Papa Joe happily watching us? They've been married for almost 40 years.

Anthony had a cartoon of us as our logo for our save the dates and invitations and as soon as I saw it I told him we HAD to have the drawing as our cake topper. He modified it to match our hair styles and clothes, and Gloria and Perry took it, mounted it on foamcore and placed it on top of the cake.

The cake.

I had this brilliant idea that on the day before, I would make our wedding cake. A simple two pan carrot cake with homemade cream cheese frosting. Gloria talked to Resa, who is quite the baker herself, and they both sat me down and forbid me from even THINKING about making the cake any longer. Somehow, they just knew that I would have no time to do it. Bless them.

Do you see the fondant icing? And the fondant flowers?! And the tiers?! I NEVER would have made this cake so beautiful!

Seriously. Look how beautiful this cake is! And it was SO good. We were eating it all the week after too. The fondant helped the cake stay super moist and delicious. Or, Resa is just that amazing a baker. Yeah. Probably the latter.

The fondant icing, however, made it a little tough to cut. Anthony had to help me slice it and was nearly crushing my hand, which I was laughing at. I'm too weak to cut a cake slice!

Here we are in the photo booth that Gloria and Perry created. This is at the end of the night, as you can tell by Anthony's unbuttoned shirt and untied tie. Can we look at my hair, though? I have already been dancing up a storm at that point and the hair STILL IS AMAZING. Thank you Sandra D!

Signing of the marriage license. This shizz is legal, yo. And can I just pause for a second and say how hot all my friends are? Gloria knows how to work the camera!

So, Does it feel different? Yes and No.

But regardless, being married to my husband feels Wonderful.

Just a Quick Peek!

2011-10-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Tanya is a photographer. You have seen her work on this blog because she's amazing and I love her stuff. She offered to shoot our wedding (and our engagement! and a special boudoir session!) as a gift.

We opted to do a "First Look" shot, where Anthony sees me before the ceremony. Due to time constraints, we wanted to do all our family photos before our ceremony, meaning that he will already have seen me before I walk down the aisle. I STRONGLY recommend this route. Our hair was perfect, our clothes weren't wrinkled, and I knew I was probably going to be a mess after our personal vows, so I wanted to make sure my makeup still looked good in photos. I'm vain.

Here's Anthony seeing me as his bride for the first time. We both cried. What can I say? We're total wusses. I love that he's squinting so hard in the first picture, and after the initial excitement in the third picture, the tears just leaked out. The enormity of the day hit us full force by the time the last photo was shot.

I'll have more for you later. We dropped the last of the family off at the airport today and still need a few days to settle.

It was a great day, and I can't wait to tell you more about it!

Much love to you all!

Reflecting

2011-10-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

My alarm was set for 8am this morning. I woke up at 6:45 and my body would not let me go back to sleep.

Anthony and I are getting married today.

We're excited. We're happy. And we are so, so loved. Family from far and wide have flown and drove alllll the way down to see us on this momentous occasion.

So I keep taking little moments.

la vita è bella.

See you later.

:)

Pictures Making My Day

2011-09-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

This picture from A Place To Love Dogs

	These pumpkins!
via

Oh My Gosh, these shoes!
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And this dog tag.

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Wedding Hair Trial

2011-09-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

Go big or go home!

Bear With Me

2011-09-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

I'm designing and printing and cutting and boxing and sorting and tagging, all in preperation of tying a big ole knot together with the Love of My Life.

Huzzah!

Today the beau and I had a meeting with our venue owners, who also happen to be our attendants. (Lucky, lucky us!) They are both involved in the industry, and two of their combined strengths happen to be Production Coordinating and Live Event Production Designing.

We are in such amazing and talented and generous hands. And ORGANIZED. I wish I could have shown you their Living Room wall; it has the next 14 days separated out in sheets of paper with Post-Its of when and what tasks need to be started, worked on, finished, and when and what other things are happening, including when our families are arriving.

I'm so thankful for them.

Anyways,

the whole point of this post, when my scrambled brain started it, was to show you what our Wedding Logo looks like.

The guy's a comic book artist. I think he captured our likenesses perfectly!

Cute, huh?

xoxo
The future Mrs. Dee-ETCH-uh-DO-way

So We Will NOT Be Eating Spaghetti Squash Tonight

2011-09-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

Just kidding. I can't just throw out all that food! I scraped it all back up and tossed it in a large skillet, added butter, lemon juice, garlic and parsley and it was still quite good.

Besides. Clean out the Microwave was on my To Do list anyway.

But be forewarned. If you also buy a Spaghetti Squash from Trader Joes and the sticker on it says, "Pierce with a fork five times," don't listen. Pierce that puppy like it's a zombie trying to kill you.

Bon Apetit!

The Calm

2011-09-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm perfectly calm....

But really, I am. I mean, I'm taking a break to blog, right?

I'm getting married in 17 days. Kind of crazy. There is so much to do, and yet, there is no need to freak out.

Yet. :)

I have the rough draft of our ceremony done, and our officiant has it in her hands and is going over it.

I still need to go to Costco, but that can wait til Monday or Tuesday for all the plates, napkins, forks and things.

I'm going to be working on the Rehearsal Dinner invite soon. And that's super easy, cause I'm just going to take the invite in photoshop and move all the layers around with the new info.

We're 99% sure of where the Rehearsal Dinner will be.

And the gift for our attendants is all coming together.

All of it is all coming together.

And all because of the generosity of our friends who said, "Please let me know how I can help," and really meant it.

I'm feeling loved. By more than just my future husband; by all the friends we chose as our family. Because you DO get to choose your family after all.

Remind them you love them.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2011-09-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

I studied dental hygiene and played video games!

Then my roommate and I got an unexpected surprise from his long lost dad.

What I am Going to Do This Fall

Get Married!!
(in 20 days, actually. Hooray!)

A Response from Dan Harris

2011-09-08T12:26:00.000-07:00

A while back I wrote this post and I didn't mention that I never contacted anyone connected to the site when I formed my opinion of it.

Dan Harris, the director and producer of iDanceMachine.com, wanted to defend his website and motives and I thought it would only be fair that I present his side to you. With his permission, here is his email:

Hey Lira,
I am amazed at the fact that you have formed a opinion on something you know nothing about. So I just had to respond to your comments that are not true. I will be the first to agree with you that there are websites out there that say they will cast you if you have a lot of votes, or worse charge you to get bookings. In the case of idancemachine.com that is entirely the opposite. Not only it's free but had you done your homework you would have found that the voting system at idancemachine is purely to inspire.

You also would have found that we have already cast some "Unknows". We cast a unknow from a small town in Australia, flew him out here on our dime, where he starred in (2) of our commercials and our new reality show. It wasn't his ratings that got him the gig, he simply was good actor. Ask any of our members. To respond to your promo marketing campaign theory, the second person we cast for the same shows, was little to unknow by most of our members and had a low vote count, and in fact had not been on our website in several months due to a family tragedy. But as it turns out she had several great auditions, so the casting director and I, cast her and flew her out from Houston TX on our own dime as well. And by the way, because the fact that this member had a very low status and rating on our site, we had some disgruntled members leave us do to the fact that we cast her. So there goes your rating therory out the window.

In regards to our vote/comment application, you should know that we use it to encourage not to discourage. A example, if someone was to receive 5 stars for a audition our highest rating, that would mean everyone has enjoyed and appreciated it, "a job well done".  Now if you were to get a low number of votes on a audition, it's are hope that would inspire you, "to encourage you" to make a better audition. "To hone your craft". I will admit the auditions with the higher votes do grab more attention, that is called popularity and curiosity, that is normal in any situation, but in no way that means someone with a high vote count will be casted over someone with a low vote count, just ask our member from Houston TX.

To quote you, "probably worse than winning the lottery" if I am not mistaken everyday casting is just like winning the lottery. After all I'm sure you are aware that out of 120,000 SAG actors 3% of there members get work, isn't that is like winning the lottery?

As for named actors, at this point we are not aggressively going after any one like a  Vanessa Hudgens or Dianna Agron, but hey if they were interested in doing our film we would definitely jump on it. But that doesn't mean the other 15 roles our so we would not be cast from our member base. Here is some homework for you, who was Zach Efron before High School Musical?   [editor's note: well, since you asked, he was a series regular on a prime time network drama.]

At IDM we do not charge for any acting tip service. All of our information is free.  We have several videos on how to make a proper video audition hosted by our casting director and noted acting coaches. And let us not forget we have industry professionals that leave comments all the time on auditions of how to better your performance. We have blogs that explain how to use sides, videos on what is the best way to use makeup for a audition, or sharing your profile with the rest of the web. And there so much more, which again is all free. Just so you know, several members have already booked work because of our website. Some even found representation, and it didn't cost them one cent.

I will say this; our website did start out as a simply way to cast for our 3D Dance movie, but as it turned out it became so much more. It now is a place for Actors, Singers, Dancers and the like to go and express themselves, chat with follow thespians, blog about there acting school, share ideas, or even commiserate about our wacky industry. It has turned into the Social Network for the Artist, and we intend to make that grow long after the movie is completed.

I grew up surrounded by actors and dancers, and I know how tough it can be trying to get a break just in Hollywood. Can you imagine how hard it must be for the rest of inspiring actors across the globe. This quote below is from one of our members. This is a shout out to Ophelia one of your members.

"For me, I'd rather be a long shot than a no shot. Put me in the game, put my name and face up where a million people can see it. The alternative is go to NY or LA, get in a workshop, network with everyone you can, try to get an agent and go on hundreds of auditions. That's what I've been doing here in LA for the past three years. Truth is if you got and they like it you're going to make it! That's what I say when I'm putting on my makeup every day!! and I will make it!"

In conclusion I invite you to check us out. If you do, I know you will see that we are forming a creative community for the artist in all of us.

Oh and if you speak to Anita make sure she does her homework.

Enjoy the Phenomenon,
Dan Harris
Director, Producer

Thanks for reading and writing, Dan!

I'm sure your letter helps my readers get a better idea of what you're about.

An Oldie But a Goodie

2011-09-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still on vacation. Here's a post from April 2010. Enjoy!

I'm Talking to You, Tina Fey

Twice on set today, the clients stopped me to remark just how much I look like Tina Fey. They were so happy they could get her doppelganger so cheap! Tina has a scar on her face, I have a mole on my ear. Seriously. It's like we're related. So I thought, you know what? Why not capitalize off her fame? I deserve it simply because of our similarity.

And so, My open letter to Tina Fey:

Dear Tina,

Picture this: Liz Lemon has a sister. In fact, while Liz's sister, Alice (I know you like that name!), visits her, Liz gets really sick and sends Alice to work at 30 Rock in her stead. No one notices the difference, and all find themselves strangely attracted to Alice and kinda freak out about it. Except for Kenneth, who is sure that the younger Alice is a new pop star ready to steal Liz's place, just like Lady Gaga stole Madonna's. And of course Jack and Alice hit it off and sleep together. It was so great, of course, that Jack promotes who he thinks is Liz to Governor of General Electric. When the real Liz comes back, however, she resigns from her new position, as she had never entered a beauty pageant and felt under-qualified. Jack assures her that it takes no skills to be Governor and that he had actually promoted her to be his Governess, who must wear leather and whip him every Sunday at 4. Liz is oddly okay with that as any and all dental work is free with her promotion. Jenna, jealous of Liz's earlier popularity, comes back from the plastic surgeon's as Heidi Montag.

Wanna do this?

Have your people call my people.

Love,
Lira

PS How am I PALER than you!?

A Pennington for Your Thoughts

2011-09-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

When I get a comment from a reader I don't know, I always look at their blog. Always. And I'll admit it, when I read blogs from someone who obviously has a better vocabulary than I, I get a little hot and bothered. Add in an unusual name and musician-writer-artist hyphenates and I am in full girl crush mode.

Everyone, meet Ginger Pennington!

I know, Total Babe, right? She also has an August birthday and the fun Newlywed glow, as she just married the love of her life a little over two months ago.

So go ahead and read on, and I dare you not get a little crush on her too.

xoxo

Lira

Ins and Outs for Artists

The door has been left unlocked, and here I am, inside the sacred hallows of The Struggling Actress blog, so very pristine and pink!

The "I" in question is Ginger. You don't know me, but I am a fellow Struggling Actress, a Los Angeleno who doesn't take much seriously, an Unfocused Singer / Songwriter, seeker of adventure, a Periodic Painter, a Scatterbrained Writer of many ill-fated poems and fictions and Taste of Ginger, a dilettante artist of many stripes, and first and foremost, a Liver of Life.

It is a bit mysterious and thrilling being here inside Lira's lovely blog -- like house-sitting while she is on vacation. I always snoop when I am left alone inside someone's space...it makes me feel like a sleuth. I love learning little secrets about people. And it's exciting to try to put things back at the exact angle you found them with shaky hands. As you'd expect, Lira hasn't left anything incriminating lying around: almost five hundred blog posts are filed away neatly, one wall is full of little doorways leading to other websites, there's a table cluttered with ideas and projects...and a note for me with instructions to distract her readers so they won't pine for her as she takes an extended vacation.

So, what could be more distracting than my inner monologue?

Here is an epipha-not that just occurred to me as I was trying to fall asleep. Everything that you do in your life ever (besides meditating) falls under these two categories: Things Coming In or Things Going Out. Inbox or Outbox. Absorbing or Creating. Just think of how simple that makes every second of your life. The thing I realized is that most people spend most of their time Absorbing, or intaking, while creative people are much more concerned with putting out (and no, I don't mean in a slutty way). Consider:

Sleeping = Absorbing energy, taking in rest

Going for a run = Expelling sweat, creating kinetic energy

Eating Breakfast = Absorbing energy, taking in calories

Cooking Breakfast = Creating cuisine, expelling your culinary ideas

Browsing the web = Absorbing someone else's ideas

Writing emails or blogs = Creating something, sending out your brainwaves

Watching a movie = Absorbing someone else's ideas

Acting in a movie = Creating a character, sharing your energy

Reading a book = Absorbing someone else's ideas

Writing a book = Expelling your own words and ideas

Listening to music = Taking someone's creativity in through your earholes

Writing or singing a song = Expelling your own ideas or voice

Going to a museum = Taking in someone's ideas through your eyeballs

Drawing a picture = Sending out creativity through your fingertips

I'm sure this epipha-not is half-baked...there are probably arguments you could make that certain actions in your life don't fall under one of these two categories -- like having a conversation, for example -- but I would find a way to argue back, of course, by saying that if you break it down to smaller increments of time, a conversation's nothing but taking in someone's ideas for a beat and then expressing your own. In and Out. The simplest unit of in and out is breathing, of course -- the stuff of life.

What I've found, for me at least, is that I can't be happy unless I am relatively balanced between the intake and output. It's like I have this internal scale weighing everything and saying, "Yes, watching that Fresh Prince DVD from the library sounds great right now," but after an episode says, "I know I had planned to go to the movies at 7, but wouldn't I rather go to yoga instead?"

Now, that is not to say that it isn't lucrative to allow oneself entire days or even weeks of unbalanced input or output. I mean, there are some weeks that I just feel like a genius, so inspired, and during that week maybe all these opportunities pop up, allowing me to expel all my genius ideas into the ether -- to share them with the world! But how exhausting is that? And for this reason, I spend the next entire week being a complete bum, watching movies and reading books and resting all day, and hardly lifting a finger or allowing a brainwave to escape.

Creatives, if you keep your life feeling like a swinging pendulum, then every time your pendulum swings back to the other side, you will feel refreshed and ready for the change, whether the change is flopping onto the sand with a good book or strutting into a new job rarin' to share your expertise.

Oh, and here is something else I figured out: brand new experiences are the best, because then you are intaking and outputting AT THE SAME TIME! "No way," you say, "how does that work?" Well I'll tell you. When you buy that Groupon for the Trapeze School and you go down to the pier and climb up the ladder with trembling knees and grab for that swinging bar, you are learning something -- you are taking in a completely new-to-you possibility...but you are also expending energy, sharing your burgeoning trapeze talent with onlooking tourists who wish they were as brave. Perhaps this is why new experiences are so thrilling; they are the best of both worlds and provide an automatic balance of absorption and creation! So go hike that trail you've been wondering about. Go visit that town and talk to the locals! Go eat at that restaurant and then Yelp to high heavens about the polenta! Keep your balance.

...This is why our friend Lira needed her vacation. Have you seen what this woman has accomplished and expelled and created in the past few months? Her pendulum is due for a swing toward utter absorption and relaxation. Those who create frequently (blogging, auditioning, filming commercials, working) need to "fill the well," as Julia Cameron writes in The Artist's Way, so that they will have something to draw from when they dip their bucket in. Before we can have anything to write about, sing about, act, or paint, we need to take in rest and experience and inspiration. So you can bet that when your favorite Struggling Actress returns, her well shall be full -- nay, overflowing! -- with possibilities and creativity and advice and experience.

But before I go, maybe I'll just peek in a few drawers...

Well, Well, Wellington

2011-09-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Anita Rossbach is just a lovely Kiwi all around. Despite the nearly day difference, she and I have been following each other for the last, what? almost two years? And even though we're in two totally different markets (and hemispheres!) we are always cheering each other on.

Anita was in a 48 Hour Film Festival, and the short they put together just had me in STITCHES. Seriously. I asked her if she wouldn't mind writing a little bit about her experience, and she happily obliged!

Four Simple Steps to Making a Short in Only 48 Hours
by Anita Rossbach

Assemble your Team
Attend the Launch, receive your genre (http://www.v48hours.co.nz/2011/about/?ss=genres ) and required elements (http://www.v48hours.co.nz/2011/register/#elements)
Write, cast, shoot, and edit a short in less than 48 hours
Hand in your short at the Finish Line and you're done!

Simple right?

This is V48Hours (www.v48hours.co.nz), the largest film competition in New Zealand. It’s madness and it is a TON of fun!

V48Hours starts on a Friday in May at 7pm, were two representatives of each team that enters get given a genre their film must adhere two, plus required elements that their film has to contain. The genres can be anything from romance, to crime, to fairy tale. The elements are usually a character name, a trait of the named character, a prop, a line of dialogue and for the past couple of years also a particular shot. So, for example for 2011 the required elements were a character named Bobby/Bobbie Young, a former bully, a piece of bent wire, ‘What have you got?’, and a freeze frame ending.

From Friday 7 pm, teams have 48 hours, until Sunday 7pm to write, cast, film and edit a short film under 7 minutes length. Most films are live action but there are also quite a few animated films!

After the deadline all films who made it across the finish line in time are contenders for various city and later national awards. All films whether disqualified or not get screened in an ever increasing number of heats in a real life cinema. So as long as you hand in something, you get to see your weekend’s hard work on the big screen.

The first year I participated I was a runner/AD on a team that consisted of a writer-director-DOP-editor-composer, five actors, one other runner and myself. Our genre was Superhero and the script was written with the only thought being that all five actors would get an equalish amount of screen time. We shot outside but didn’t have a mike but the one built into our crappy camera. The actors were practically left to their own devices and struggled to make the convoluted script work for them. Our everyman worked his butt off and got in a film on time if I remember correctly. It was pretty awful but nonetheless everyone on the team had a fun day, well all of us who had no more than two jobs anyway. I loved doing the bit of AD work I got to do and love watching the actors do their thing. This was before I admitted to myself that I too wanted to be in front of the camera.

The next year I participated, I got my wish. It was my first time in an actual film. Check it out here and feel free to laugh at my expense. I do every time I watch it (http://www.v48hours.co.nz/screening-room/2010/wellington/femme-noir/). But the film was much better than the first year. We had a writing team, an experienced DP, who guided our first-time director, and people in every department who did their jobs with enthusiasm and without getting in other people’s way and helped out where asked and needed as it should be. But 48Hours is treacherous and it didn’t help that that year it was extremely cold. Wellington winter is no fun when you’re running around in short skirts and fishnets! We didn’t quite make the deadline but got to see our film on the big screen nonetheless. I already have had my silver screen debut. Pretty amazing!

This year was easily the most fun I have had with 48Hours and I would team up with these guys again in a heartbeat. The writing was fantastic, the team was into it and easy to work with, and the film we produced was the most popular in the V48Hour screening room for 2011 until the national winners were announced. In fact, we’re still the third most watched film of the year. I wouldn’t call it my greatest acting achievement either, but really, Joseph as Mr America and the wicked songwriting are what makes this fun little musical bomb of a satire on New Zealand/American relations so great.

When 48Hours is organized chaos as opposed to just chaos, it’s one of the best experiences New Zealand has to offer in terms of bringing film enthusiasts lay or pro together for a once a year crazy ride of film frenzy. You have anyone entering the competition - from school teams participating as a class project, to semi-professional teams like Traces of Nut who never fail to dazzle. Check out their amazing Longdrummer here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI_nClihKUQ&feature=channel_video_title) and this year’s wicked entry Ruby Red (http://www.v48hours.co.nz/screening-room/2011/wellington/ruby-red). Local writing/directing/acting talent Taika Waititi (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0169806/) made this competition his one-man show up until a couple of year ago.

I might be overusing the word a bit but 48Hours can be WICKED fun. If you’re not in NZ, you should find out if a city near you has anything like it (http://www.48hourfilm.com/)!

Get as organized as possible beforehand, do everything you can to get those creative juices flowing, have FUN and then: ‘WRITE. SHOOT. CUT. SURVIVE’!

The Jaegermeister

2011-08-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

Don't let Matthew Jaeger's opening paragraph fool you; he is one of the hardest working people I know. We're in class together and he's so good. One of those guys you watch and think, wow, it just looks so freakin effortless.

I asked him to write about how knowing sign language helped him book work, and what he has to say is invaluable to every actor out there. Read on!

Tools

by Matthew Jaeger

When Lira asked me to do a guest blog about an actorʼs toolbox my first thought was, “Oh crap, now I have to do work.” As an actor, I am inherently lazy when it comes to doing anything I donʼt consider fun. Probably WHY Iʼm an actor.

First a little about me and why you should give a flying you know what about what I say: I am what people call a working actor. Iʼm not rich. In fact, Iʼm REALLY poor. But I keep my costs low, and about 75% of my total income is from acting. The rest is a combination of odd jobs I pick up and Unemployment income between jobs. Each year that ratio improves a little more and each year my total income goes up just a bit. When I was an aspiring actor, meaning I bartended or waited tables to pay the bills, I believed that if I could just be a working actor, I would be happy. Even if I was poor, I would be content, as long as I paid my bills acting. I was wrong for a couple reasons. (Believe it or not, this will all bring me around to the toolbox. I swear).

As a working actor, you rarely know when your next residual check or booking will come. As a result, I had to accustom myself to huge swells of income followed by long dry spells, sort of like rain in Los Angeles. And I had to make sure that I saved enough during the swells to last through the dry spells. More importantly, during those dry spells I had to keep myself sane. And that is where the toolbox comes in (see, I told you).

There are some skills every actor needs in the toolbox. Accents, some musical ability, some movement ability, a familiarity with firearms... You really think you can be an actor and never have to use a gun? Take a basic class so you can look like you know what youʼre doing. But I digress.
And of course, scene study, improv, and audition technique. These are tools. They are the big tools, your hammer, nails, drill, etc - the tools you use regularly. But what about the rest of the tools? The ones that make you unique and push you to the top of the pile?

I recently got my first major TV role. A Top of Show Guest Star on CSI: Las Vegas. I had no theatrical representation at the time, I had never met the CD, and I even missed the first round of auditions. So how the hell did I book it? They needed an actor who was fluent in American Sign Language. And guess what? When I was six, my parents had put me in a sign language course. They just thought it would be a cool thing for me to learn. And I loved it. I ended up taking sign language in summer school for the next seven years. I didnʼt stop until I was too old for the class. I had a deaf friend in college, and he helped me practice some, but I lost most of it. Flash forward fifteen years later. I see an audition notice for Children of a Lesser God at Deaf West Theatre. Now, I barely remember anything, but I found a website and translated the sides for the audition and the callback. I booked it and began one of the most intense periods of learning Iʼve ever experienced. I worked with an ASL coach (who is deaf and does not speak) for two hours a day, three days a week. His patience and creativity got me almost fluent. Then I spent the next two months meeting and spending time with a number of deaf actors, most of whom I now consider very dear friends. The show was a blast, well reviewed, blah, blah, blah. Then it ended. I maintained many of my
friendships, but life moved on. Until a year later, two friends who happened to know that I was ASL fluent sent me the breakdown for an episode of CSI. The rest is history.

I tell you this story for a couple reasons. One, you never know when or how a tool in your toolbox will come in handy. So have a lot. One of the reasons we get into acting is that we love to become new people, try new things. So try a lot of them. Yes, weʼre all broke. But with a little creativity, itʼs easy to find classes, groups, and other places to learn new skills. Second, the tools should say something about you. Never learn or do something because it might come in handy (the only exceptions are your main tools listed earlier). Do something you like. Hell, something you love. The reason I picked ASL so quickly wasnʼt only because of my history, it was because itʼs something I love. I love the expression available and the beauty of the language. I love having a conversation in silence.

The tools you learn can help you in other ways. During my dry spells, I would go insane, worrying about money, and when I was going to book the next job, and how to pursue this audition or that audition, and, and, and... I made my girlfriend crazy just listening to me. So this past year, Iʼve focused on spending my dry spells honing my toolbox. Example: I love the outdoors. So, I rock climb, hike, learn primitive skills, survivalist techniques, and am now starting hunting (no judging, weʼre talking tools, not the moral issues of hunting. You wanna debate those, by me a beer and weʼll talk). I also keep up on my sign language, work on cooking and construction, garden, do yoga, anything that tickles my fancy. I also have a valid motorcycle license and want to start learning German. Most people would call these hobbies. To an actor, theyʼre tools. And my tools are what keep me sane when Iʼm between jobs. They keep me from being desperate when I walk into the audition room. Nothing annoys me more than an “actor” who is an “actor” and nothing else. Be a well-rounded human being.

If all you have is acting, youʼre screwed, because itʼs a hard and thankless profession. Get a life.
As actors we have an excuse to explore and learn as many things as possible. I love my tools. Iʼve known actors who got jobs, or at least callbacks, because they played basketball, played chess, knew an instrument, hell, knew how to whistle! And the skills you do, the hobbies you have, say who you are. They become part of your product. Remember, as an actor, you are selling... well, you. So each hobby you enjoy, each random skill you have, is another marketing, acting, and artistic, tool. Gather as many tools as you can. Whatever intrigues you, excites you, try it. The more tools you have, the more interesting you are and the more versatile an actor you become. And who knows? It might just book you a job.

Change Your Hair, Change Your Brand

2011-08-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

Zuri Before

Zuri Bella and I could play sisters because we both have curly hair. In fact, Zuri looks more like she could be my sister, than my actual sister looks like she could be my sister.
Having curly hair is...quite the upkeep. So when Zuri went from short to even shorter, I was soooo jealous. Look at her after photo and see how fierce she looks down below, which is definitely on brand for all the awesome martial arts stuff she knows. (She's only 5'3 but packed with kickassery!)

Changing your look dramatically in this business requires a lot of financial dedication. You have to pay for a whole new set of headshots and upload them to all the casting sites. But when you change your look to something that's more you, it's worth it.

A Super Exciting Post About My Hair

by Zuri Bella

Hi Lira’s readership!

Of course this is definitely not a life or death story, but how you look is a huge part of acting and it was a dramatic change for me.

I’ve wanted to cut my hair super short since I was 13 but was worried that it wouldn’t look good. Stylists get confused by curly hair and do strange things with it. Plus, I had an established quirky-funny-girl look that got auditions. Still, the idea of short hair intrigued me (oooh.)

The Sam Christensen workshop helped make me bold enough to try it out. The workshop gives you a summary of who you are in words and phrases in an organized binder. It made me feel like my bubbly curls didn’t quite catch who I am as a person. I wanted a hairstyle that encompassed a complete version of me. The willful, strong me as well as the enchanting, adorable Zuri (hey, these are just words they chose to put in my binder.)

If I was going to take a risk, it was important to stack as many odds in my favor as I could. I emailed my manager and agents and asked them for the okay, set up an appointment for great headshots with Dana Patrick, and made sure to go to Molly at Goo Salon, which specializes in short hair and curls.

Still, a week before of the appointment I kept vacillating. Was this stupid? Was this making a mistake just to make a mistake? Looking in the mirror and feeling bored with the person looking back helped me go through with it.

Zuri After! See the Kickassery!?

When I got my hair cut it was a huge relief, Molly kept checking to see if the haircut was too short and I kept asking her to cut off more.

It was incredibly freeing.

There are a ton of plusses. When there’s an audition, instead of taking a shower three hours before, my hair looks great right out the door. People have been super sweet and complimentary. I go out for different characters. But more than anything, it feels right and it’s a cute haircut, with cute headshots, so my decision was well thought out.

"To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself."

-Soren Kierkegaard

Is there anything that you’d love to do but it seems like too big a risk? Or something you‘d like to do that‘s been in the back of your head your whole life but for whatever reason you haven‘t done?

(PS If it’s hair it’ll grow back if you don‘t like it…but don’t cut off your fingers just to try it out…unless you know something really cool about bionic fingers that are being developed.)

Liked what you read? You can follow Zuri's blog here.

Say Uncle

2011-08-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

You might think you know Gil Christner. People meet him all the time and they swear "I know I know you!" and they'll keep trying to think if he was their old tax preparer, a medical specialist they've been to, or if their spouse and him were old golf buddies.

You might think you know Gil because you've seen him on television. A lot. He's that guy who's been making a pretty good living as an actor.

One of the things that I've always admired about him, is that he is an actor/writer/creator. He started doing stand-up in San Francisco, moved to LA, and became very successful doing several things he loved, all of which were creative. An incredibly funny and observant man, he also worked as a comedy writer. He would send us his comedy cds and to this day if a certain song comes on, I sing along to the spoof lyrics of a Pink Floyd Lemonade commercial that he had written ("Hey! Teacher! Put that cola down!") cause I actually don't know the real lyrics. Now, he also has a very popular and award winning blog.

I was four when Gil married my Aunt Sira (I still remember him reaching out to dance with me on the dance floor) so I've always remembered him being a part of my family, and being the other half of my Aunt, and always constantly coming up with jokes that made us all laugh (including lovingly always feigning excitement over "Brisket!" and a joke about my brother's birthday: "Nine bucks!" that is 23 years old and STILL funny to me.).

About two years ago, Gil and Aunt Sira invited me over for dinner and he told me that he was incredibly proud of me. That he admired how I was still pursuing what I love and didn't let the industry get me down. "If I were you, with the business the way it is now, I think I would have given up years ago."

But I have something Gil didn't have: I have an uncle who has been in the business for two decades, and both my uncle and aunt have weathered the highs and lows of the industry together as a couple. I have two people I can go to for advice. I have two people who know how hard it is. I have two people who also really, really want me to succeed at this, as opposed to two people who constantly remind me that I should be doing something "more stable" with my life.

Both my uncle and aunt are two major supports in a big city that doesn't always make sense and isn't always fair. It's hard to give up with you have two very important people always rooting for you.

So when Gil has something to say about the industry, I listen.

I think you should too:

When Lira asked me to write a post for her blog, she suggested a starting off point of “How has the industry changed in the last 20 years?”

Well, that’s kind of too easy. The industry has changed a lot in 20 years. Now, your agent never needs to physically talk to you ever again, they can just email you your audition time. Now, nobody has to wait years and years to be a gigantic embarrassing flop, because everybody can put together their own bad TV show on YouTube. Plus, no more Ships.

I think a more layered, and therefore pertinent question for people in Show Biz, would be “How hasn’t the industry changed in the last 20 years?”

And the answer is brutally simple: it’s frakking hard. Still.

Trust me, kids, if there’s anything…ANYTHING…that you can do with your lives and still be happy, do it! If you can garden, if you like to teach, if research is your thing, if you can paint, if you like to fix cars, if you have a knack for tending animals, or kids, or the kids of animals… ANYTHING!!!... run, don’t walk, out of this business and into any other that will provide you with a sense of self-satisfaction and a living.

Because the bottom line is this: Unless you absolutely need to do it to exist, there is no reason to be in Show Business.

Because Show Business is a harsh Mistress, harsher even than the Sea (at least with the Sea, you get a place to be buried). There will be weeks, months, years even, where you won’t get work. You will never have the peace of mind of a steady paycheck, because even if you achieve that coveted Series Regular spot, there’s no telling how long the Series you are a Regular on will last (ask James Wolk of Lonestar).

You will constantly see other actors working in roles that you yourself were up for (and let’s be honest, we all would have been much better in that role than whatever actor actually got it, the bitch/bastard!), or worse still, you will see roles in shows that you are perfect for, and for which you never even heard of the audition!

My best/worst story along those lines happened to involve my Evil Twin. Now, everybody in Show Biz has an Evil Twin…another actor that gets those parts that we know we are far more perfect for. Mine happens to be Paul Eisenhauer, a perfectly nice guy who looks a lot like me. Sometimes I get the role; sometimes Paul gets the role. It seems to even out, though both of us would probably tell you that the other guy gets more work (full disclosure: my IMDB page is longer. Neener neener neener).

So, to continue, I got an audition for a Pepsi commercial, which was to have been directed by Joe Pytka, the infamous bad-boy commercial director who had used me in an IBM commercial a few years earlier. The Pepsi spot would have been sweet to get: the premise was that I would have been riding a motorcycle super-imposed into from the iconic scene from Easy Rider along side of Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda. I would have loved to been seen by millions in that spot, and I was sure I did a great audition. I was (and kids, don’t let this happen to you) already counting my money on the way out the casting door.

But a few days went by, and alas, no call back. I was confused. I did a great audition, I was funny, I was quick, I would look perfect, as the goofy schlub stuck in a famous movie scene. Plus Joe Pytka loves my work (which, for Joe Pytka, means he uses the “F” word at me only a dozen times or so per hour).

Well, I rationalized, they must have just gone another way. That’s the only way to explain it. The creatives decided to go a completely different way than I would have done it. Sure, that’s it! What else could it be?

Of course by now, you have all guessed the punchline. A couple of months later I was watching tv, and lo and behold, there’s Paul Eisenhauer, my Evil Twin, riding a motorcycle right next to Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper in a Pepsi spot! [editor's note: my dad actually called Gil up, excited to congratulate him on this very Pepsi commercial. How's that for rubbing salt into your wounds?]

So, to recap: Not only did I not get any work, not only did I not get any money or benefits, not only did I not hear word one from anyone about if I got it or how I did or what was good or bad about my performance, I got insulted by not even being asked to a call back for something my exact look-alike was perfect for. Nice move, Show Biz!

And I could tell you about the audition where I literally got a standing ovation from everyone in the room, and then never heard from them again. Or the audition where, after acting my ass off, the first and only thing I heard from the producer was a comment about the catering of the session: “I like this casting place because they have grapes.”

If you choose a career in Show Biz, you will be disappointed, burned, rejected, ignored, dismissed, disrespected, bummed out, and not even called in a million times more than you will be accepted. And being accepted does not even mean getting the job. You have to keep getting the call backs, and ingratiating yourself into the good graces of first the casting directors, then the producers, then the networks and the studios. And then maybe…MAYBE!!... after you become well-known around town, you just might get a job. If you’re lucky.

And then the really hard part comes: making a job into a career. Because, my friends, Route 66 is littered with the corpses of One-Hit Wonders, who thought they had it made when they got that first job, only to wander away from Los Angeles a few years after they realize nobody’s going to hire them ever again.

(Hint: Talent gets you the first job, Professionalism gets you the second one!)

A career takes complete focus of everything that is you: your time, your energy, your waking hours, your productivity. Any time you are not actually at an audition or (God willing) on set at a job, whatever you are doing should only be to further your skills and your networking.

Never stop taking classes. Ever. Never stop meeting people. Go to parties, don’t get drunk (seriously! A sloppy embarrassing scene gets around town quicker than a guy on a moped taking Fountain).

If you are lucky you might make some money. If you are real lucky and hard working, you might get a good reputation. If you are real lucky and hard working and real persistent, you might make some benefits, like insurance and a pension (although with the way the current Union leadership is acting, that might soon be a thing of the past). And if you are real lucky and hard working and real persistent and St. Genesius smiles upon you, you might have a career.

So I reiterate, if you can do anything else, do it. A career in Show Biz is one of the loneliest, self-denigrating, abusive, consistently unrewarding undertakings that a person can take.

It’s pushing milk uphill. It’s herding cats. It’s threading the needle without using your hands, or your eyes for that matter. It’s frakking impossible, is what it is.

But I will tell what else it is: a couple of weeks ago, I was on the Sony (previously MGM) lot. After a relatively good audition (which I didn’t get a call back for), I was walking down one of the streets between the sound stages, and the sun was on my face. I was chatting with another actor who had been at the audition, and it hit me: This is it. This is what I live for.

These are the streets that Gable, Hitchcock, Loy & Powell, Brando, Capra, Garland and Heston walked when they were working. I’m in the same business as they were. The business that, for centuries, has comforted the downtrodden, enriched the spirits of millions, sparked the imagination of untold numbers of kids waiting to spread their own wings and take on the world. That’s the business I am in.

It takes a special kind of person to put themselves on the line on a daily basis, risking total and complete humiliation just to get a chance to pretend professionally for a day, maybe two. It takes someone with dreams bigger than the sky, and a fire burning deep within that’s hotter than the sun. It takes a great love of humanity, and a strong desire to connect.

And when it works… and, truth be told, it often works, just not enough to be encouraging about it… when it works, there is no greater feeling.

As I walked those streets between the sound stages, I knew: I was where I belonged, doing what I was supposed to do. I need to do it, to exist. I need to be in Show Business.

So, in conclusion: forget everything I just said. Go act your hearts out kids, and don’t let anyone ever discourage you.

Away From It All

2011-08-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

I am taking a vacation, ya'll!

I am so excited: I am going to Burning Man again this year. And as a part of the Superfriends Theme Camp (7:30 and Fun - Come say hi!!) the Boy and I are going early to help set it up, and staying after the end of the event to help tear down.

Burning Man is so incredibly great because of all the interactive art and the music and the....you want to see ten reasons why everyone should go to this thing at least once in their lifetime? Okay!

The Ten Principles Of Burning Man

Radical Inclusion
Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.
Gifting
Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value.
Decommodification
In order to preserve the spirit of gifting, our community seeks to create social environments that are unmediated by commercial sponsorships, transactions, or advertising. We stand ready to protect our culture from such exploitation. We resist the substitution of consumption for participatory experience.
Radical Self-reliance
Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on his or her inner resources.
Radical Self-expression
Radical self-expression arises from the unique gifts of the individual. No one other than the individual or a collaborating group can determine its content. It is offered as a gift to others. In this spirit, the giver should respect the rights and liberties of the recipient.
Communal Effort
Our community values creative cooperation and collaboration. We strive to produce, promote and protect social networks, public spaces, works of art, and methods of communication that support such interaction.
Civic Responsibility
We value civil society. Community members who organize events should assume responsibility for public welfare and endeavor to communicate civic responsibilities to participants. They must also assume responsibility for conducting events in accordance with local, state and federal laws.
Leaving No Trace
Our community respects the environment. We are committed to leaving no physical trace of our activities wherever we gather. We clean up after ourselves and endeavor, whenever possible, to leave such places in a better state than when we found them.
Participation
Our community is committed to a radically participatory ethic. We believe that transformative change, whether in the individual or in society, can occur only through the medium of deeply personal participation. We achieve being through doing. Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play. We make the world real through actions that open the heart.
Immediacy
Immediate experience is, in many ways, the most important touchstone of value in our culture. We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience

And that is why it is such an amazing thing to participate in; the huge loving community that embraces you- the REAL YOU - and let's you be who you are meant to be. Living the life of a Struggling Actress, constantly being barraged by rejection and unemployment, Burning Man represents a type of class-less utopia. Where everyone hugs instead of tugs, where everyone giggles and rolls on the rugs, and you come home feeling refreshed, re-energized, and reinspired.

So I will see you after the Man burns, where it will seem like a new year.

And the Boy and I will celebrate the one year anniversary of me saying yes to his proposal. One of the best engagement stories ever, if I do say so my-biased-self.

See you in September!
<3

This. Is. THEE -TAAAAAA!

2011-08-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am still blown away. I am still in awe. I am still so incredibly proud of my fellow class mate, friend and hero, Sascha Alexander.

c. Ellston Photography

Last night I went to see "Naked and Crazy," a night of two solo shows, each written and performed individually by Meghan Gambling and Sascha Alexander. Here's their blurb (and where you can buy tickets):

"Naked and Crazy:" True Stories from Meghan Gambling and Sascha Alexander

The Elephant Studio @ Elephant Stages
Los Angeles, CA

Life is atrocious. Sometimes grandma shoplifts. Sometimes dad calls you fat. And sometimes you find yourself vandalizing property in a drunken rage. From delusions, to overexposure, to bff breakups, stripper poles, accidental crime-busting and very vocal body parts, come take a long ride on this short bus of life's mysterious lessons.

If you are a woman, you need to see this show. If you're a guy who has dated a woman, you need to see this show so that you can understand better what it is we go through, because as a guy, I know you sometimes feel helpless in our body shame psychosis.

Sascha took us on a journey of how she went from a normal little girl who was happy with how she looked, into an adolescent who grew a tummy, and that no matter what she did as a young woman, could still not get her stomach to "look right." She doesn't show us how she got this way, she takes us with her, and we experience it with her. From one small, innocent comment from her father, to a costume fitting for her first national commercial, we understand. And to hear what her acting coach says when she asks him if she needs to lose weight to be what casting is looking for - his answer will probably shock you. And make you cheer. Because Sascha begins to get it. She begins to be okay. She begins to love herself.

We have all been there. But the way she overcame her body shame (with a stripper pole, yes, a stripper pole) and how she oozes happiness and love and power and confidence with the last three minutes of the show, my god, we were all cheering and up on our feet with a Standing Ovation.

A STANDING OVATION! In LOS ANGELES THEATER!! That just about NEVER happens here!

She is vulnerable. She is raw. She is putting it all out there, and this, THIS is what theater is supposed to be. I sat in the audience, traveled with her, empathized, understood, and I left the theater feeling as if I too were better, uplifted, sexy and confident, all because she had a story to tell and was called upon to take all the hurt, all the pain, and turn it in to something beautiful that heals people who didn't even know they were hurting.

And yet, for all the pain and emotions we went through together last night, my face hurt from all the laughing and smiling. The show was so funny.

This is what Theater is supposed to be!!

Cheers, Sascha. Cheers and Thank You. You deserve all the success and fame and love this show is going to provide you.

So, my lovely, LA readers, See it. It's this weekend only.

And if it is sold out, if you are too late, DEMAND an extension.

This absolutely can not be missed.

Ticket info here.

Again, thank you Sascha.

Brava, brava, brava.

Owning the Actress in the Struggling Actress

2011-08-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

Six months ago or so, my fiance introduced me to a few people at a party he had just met. "She's an actress," he beamed.

On the way home, I asked him not to introduce me as such ever again, because in social circles in LA, saying someone is an actress sounds like you're also saying, "but you wouldn't know, cause she's really a waitress."

Um. What? What is wrong with me? Why does saying I'm an actress sometimes feel like I'm saying a bad word?

Freud would say it's because deep down, I really hate myself. And want to sleep with my father.

And maybe Freud is onto something.

I mean, my dad really is a good looking guy... but no.

So maybe I hate myself.

Maybe not myself, per se, but I hate that we're in the 8th month of this year and I've only booked 6 things. Six. I'm not even booking work once a month.

Now, yes, in past years, I have booked even less than that, so this is something I should be proud of. And I've gotten to the point where if people ask, "have you been in anything I've seen?" I can actually say, "Yup!" and list a few things.

But it makes me wonder: is this feeling of constant struggle ever going to end? I mean, I could book a recurring on a soap and be SUPER HAPPY, but then, I wonder if I'll look at it and think, "It was just a soap."

Is this how someone feels throughout their career?

Anyways, cut to my lovely guy, listening to me patiently, if not bewilderingly. "But you ARE an actress! And you're really good!"

I would say, maybe it's because I haven't booked anything for a while, but um, I just shot a commercial for a video game last Friday, so that's not it.

Maybe it's because when I work, it's usually for only a day and I'm inbetween jobs for weeks. It's like, YAY! I am WORKING! and then I go home and stress WHEN IS MY NEXT GIG?!

Maybe I just need a vacation away from the city and this lifestyle so I can re-evaluate. Re-evaluate how hard I've been working, how much I love this, and be re-inspired by the whole system.

That sounds kind of lovely, right?

The Best Experience I Ever Had Whilst Naked

2011-08-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

Struggling Actresses, have I got a deal for you.

My friend Glo once told me, "You should come with us to this Spa! $25 gets you unlimited use of their spas, their saunas, and all the amenities!" "Awesome!" I had responded. "But you have to be naked on the ladies only floor." "Uh...Okay! It's time to get rid of my body shame and get naked in Korea Town!"

And then the most relaxing, awesome, best night of my life happened.

Cause I saw a bunch of naked ladies. I even saw a bunch of their naked daughters. And I looked down at my own nakedness and thought, "My body is MY body, and it's nothing to be ashamed of!" I didn't walk from one spa to the next, oh no, I strutted.

I mean, yes, it was relaxing as all get out, and fun, and great, but seriously, seeing the naked female body in all its naked glory, you realize that whatever expectation you might have on yourself and berating yourself for not going to the gym every possible hour, for eating a cookie in class last night, all that doesn't matter. My body is my body and the "Hollywood Ideal" is unhealthy and unrealistic and I have never had problems finding someone to appreciate my body, thankyouverymuch.

So go for the hot, warm and cold tubs, go for the steamroom, go for the heated jade floor, go for the free internet and computer use, go for the rooftop terrace, go for all that, sure, but go for the other naked ladies (they have a men's only floor and co-ed floor too. If you are a couple and have a couple friends you regularly hang out with, do this!) go for finally being able to see your body as something that is healthy and great as opposed to something you continually stress out about.

Groupon is doing a little more than half off, so the $25 spa pass is only TWELVE BUCKS! Here's the link: The Link of AWESOME!

Go with a friend. Seriously. Best time ever.

And BOOBS!

"Ethnics"

2011-08-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

If you don't submit yourself on roles that say "Caucasian," please submit for this! It was out on today's AA breakdown:

2012 CBS DIVERSITY SKETCH COMEDY SHOWCASE
Non-Union Theatre

Dir. Rick Najera
Casting Director: Fern Orenstein
Interview Dates: August
Callback Dates: September
Rehearse: Oct-January
Pay Rate: no pay
Location: Studio City, CA

SUBMIT ELECTRONICALLY

NO CALLS

[PERFORMERS ]
The showcase is focused on African American, Latino, Asian-American, Native American and Pacific Islander actors with extensive sketch comedy experience. Additionally, actors with disabilities or LGBT actors of any ethnicity can submit. Each audition will require a one-minute original comedy monologue. STRONG SKETCH COMEDY BACKGROUND A PLUS.

Losing or Winning: The Name Change Game

2011-08-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to like my first name. I didn't know it was different and unusual until I was about 5 or 6. My curly hair started growing down instead of just out into an afro, and on my way to school, there was an older lady who would walk her miniature poodle the same time I left. She would stop me and compliment my hair and pet me because I had the human version haircut as her dog. "What's your name, sweetheart?" She'd coo. "Lira." I'd reply. "What was that?" "Lira." And as it always happened, she would scrunch up her face and say, "Lisa?" "Lira!" "Oh." She would say, looking like she smelled something awful, "That's a nice name." I'm young, but I'm not stupid. I can tell she's lying. She doesn't think it's a nice name. She thinks it's awful.

Then I'd finally get to school. There was me, three Jennifers, two Jessicas, an Amanda, a Kristy, Christine and Christina.

I wanted to be one of them. When they were asked their name, they never had to repeat it, never had to correct the pronunciation when called on the call sheet, and never had to explain how their kooky dad came up with it.

I've always loved my last name, however. It's easy to pronounce, easy to spell, and I've got a nice assonance with the L's and R's. And although it's all that, it's also unusual. We were the only Kellermans in our phone book.

And better yet, my last name has given me a permanent connection to my father whom I am extremely close to. I get to carry him around and as silly as it sounds, uphold a legacy of a really honorable man who is a good person who loves his family.

Cut to when I move to Hollywood and several friends have to change their names because theirs is already registered with Sag, or there's thirteen Christina Smiths on the Imdb. Many have a problem getting a website domain.

I don't!!

All of a sudden, my unusual name is a boon to my career.

Cut to a few months ago.

I was at DSW and bought a pair of shoes. I was asked if I wanted to join their rewards program and get coupons. Of course I do!

When they handed me the info sheet to fill out, I looked at the name part. I am getting married in October and thought I should go ahead and put my new married name up there. Then I forgot about it.

For my birthday month, they sent me a $5 off coupon, addressed to the name I'm going to legally take on October 2. I have it in front of me. It's different. It's shorter. I'm losing consonants and gaining vowels! Gaining syllables! Gaining a name I will constantly have to correct people on.

On Bridal blogs and forums, there is a lot of discussion about why women are choosing to change or not change their name. A lot of them have careers where their maiden name is established and they don't want to lose the place they worked so hard to get to. A lot of them have no connection to the last name they were given by a man who got up and left them as babies. A few had hard to pronounce and spell names and were only too happy to be a Smith, a Jones, a Jackson.

Being an actress, I can keep my maiden name as my stage name, no problem. So that's nice.

But changing my name permanently was something I wrestled with for a while. I really, really like my first and last name. It took me years to like it, and now that I'm given the opportunity to change it, I was hesitant; I like it now! A lot!

But you know what I have never liked? My middle name.

Faith is a strange word. Especially when a child is raised by parents of different ones. My mother's side is Jewish, my father's Presbyterian. I grew up understanding that people can have hugely different views on religion but still fall in love and raise a family together. So as a child, I believed that the one side who didn't believe Jesus was the messiah, was just as "correct" in their faith and views as the side that did believe Jesus was. They're both right. All religions are correct. They're different, but if you believe in something, great!

Growing up that way, also leads to a lack of faith. If they're both right, they could both be wrong. I'm fascinated by all the different beliefs in the world and how people celebrate a deity, what their customs and rituals are, what the history behind all of it is. I took a Philosophy of Religion class in school (and made a lifelong friend who is also going to be officiating our wedding) and got to read up on how the five major religions came out of nothing and gave people looking for meaning something to believe in. Which is great! But something I wasn't sure I wanted.

So, awesome. My middle name is now ironic. And on bills and paychecks, there it is in all it's capital F glory, looking like a giant F word in the middle of two other great names.

When I was wrestling with the idea of changing my last name, I kept asking my fiance what he wanted. "Whatever you want to do is what I want for you." Lovely and diplomatic but of absolutely NO HELP. I figured if I asked him every so often, his answer might change. It never did. It was always the same. Whatever I wanted to do was what he wanted.

UGH!

So finally, I said, "Tell me what you REALLY want, how you REALLY feel, because I'm asking you because I WANT TO KNOW."

He looked at me. "If we had children, I think it would be nice if we all had the same last name."

Whoa.

That would be nice, wouldn't it? My mother took my Dad's name. I only knew her as her married name. She always had that name, as long as I've known her!

And that was pretty much it for me. We are becoming a family unit.

I get to have best of both worlds: I'm keeping my first and maiden last name for all my business purposes, and get this: nixing my ironic middle name, and replacing it with my maiden last name.
I will be

Lira MaidenLastName HusbandsLastName

I am retaining my sense of self that I've worked hard at all my life, the names that I feel truly define me, and adding a new family name to define who I love and will have fun defining what that means as a family for the rest of our lives.

I respect every woman who decides to keep her birth name or not, because this isn't an easy thing to mull over. It takes time and careful consideration to decide what we want and think will be best for ourselves.

Some might say it's just a name, who cares, it's not your personality, as that will never change, but to me, my name is everything I am, and everything I will become.

And looking at my little DSW coupon with my new married name, getting used to the way it looks together, I like it. It represents my new life; the next 60 years I will be my new name.

I'm not losing myself. I'm winning a second family.

Selling It

2011-08-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

If I'm going to advertise something on this blog, it's because I think it might benefit one of my lovely readers. You can go to a Free Acting class with my favoritest acting coach ever --->

and you can also get $50 off on my friend's headshots package ---->

I've had a few people contact me about ad space but they're trying to sell something none of my readers would be interested in, like homeowners insurance. I don't know why someone would think this is an appropriate space for that. Every once in a while, though, I'll get someone asking me to promote something that kinda sorta pertains to this blog's niche.

Yesterday, I received this email:

Hello Lira!

I wanted to get in touch and see if you and your readers would be interested in the opportunity to model in a [Famous Director!] photoshoot. [Redacted link to the contest]
[Famous Director!], one of Hollywood’s most successful directors, producers and photographers, is inviting aspiring female models to submit three of their best photographs for the chance to model in a photo shoot with [Never Heard of It!] magazine in Los Angeles.

The selected model will be photographed by [Famous Director!]
in a photo shoot for the 3rd issue of [Never Heard of It!]
magazine. The winner will also be featured and credited in the same issue.
The 5 highest voted submissions will each receive a signed copy of a [Redacted]
Entertainment DVD and a yearlong subscription to [Never Heard of It!]
(4 issues).
It's easy to get involved, just submit three photos. Is this something we can get your site and your readers involved in?
Thanks for your help,

[Redacted]
[Redacted] Inc.

And of course, my response:

Hi [Redacted]!

I am flattered that you found my little blog and are offering me this opportunity.

So all my readers would have to do is submit three shots of themselves, and then tell all their family and friends to vote for them for the chance to win a dvd and subscription to a magazine?

You say "the selected model" who would win a chance to be shot for [Never Heard of It!] magazine, would not actually receive any monetary compensation for their work, is that correct? But they'd get credit?

It sounds like a really awful deal for my readers, quite frankly, but a lot of publicity for your magazine, which I've never heard of, and which you neglected to provide any information about.

Please help me understand why my readers would be interested in this. Perhaps I need another cup of coffee to help me focus but I don't understand how they would benefit in any way.

My best,
Lira

I have yet to receive a response...

Perhaps you can tell me how you might benefit from this contest.

It's Hollywood meets Groupon!

2011-07-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

Or at least, that's how I imagine they're trying to sell Actor Q (as in...'actor q-pon'?).

Basically, this website hasn't even technically launched yet. The deals they have look like beta tests.

BUT.

I went and joined anyways. A Groupon like site that advertises deals specifically with the Struggling Actress in mind? Call me a lemming, but heck, I'll sign up!

And you can too!

It looks like they're almost ready for a launch for NYC, Las Vegas, and San Fran, as well as a few smaller markets, so check it out.

Dear Struggling Actress

2011-07-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

I got an email from Aisha the other day:

I saw a breakdown on Actors Access that said: "Early to mid 20's. The ethnicity is open. White or Hispanic is preferred." This REALLY bugged me almost more than the "Nudity Required" in student films. Almost. Anywho I am disturbed because I feel like if a director wants a specific type, he/she should just say that and stick to it. Why even have the ethnicity open then? It seems like an, "I prefer this type, but I'll settle for this type". It sounded like a good character to play, and I couldn't decide whether or not to submit for the role. In the end I submitted myself (I'm black by the way) but now I'm regretting it. I mean wouldn't an actor feel inferior in the audition room knowing full well that they are really not being considered unless by some stroke of bad luck they weren't able to find a White or Latina actress? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.

This is an excellent question and I'm glad you asked. I'm sure you've actually had a similar experience already when you go to a commercial audition and the room is filled with everyone from the rainbow. In fact, I had an audition a few days ago where there were two women with short afros laughing with the session runner that the copy actually read "A mostly Caucasian woman..." What does that even mean!? And what did it mean to those giggling women who were coffee colored, the Asian actress, and the rest of us milky ones?

It means: options.

Directors, producers, and advertising companies don't even know what they want until she walks in the door, acts her socks off, and is perfect for the role. "She's exactly what we're looking for!" they say, even though the breakdown they put out says the complete opposite.

For open ethnicity, I say submit away. Be the option they didn't even know they wanted. Because if they bring you in, if ANYONE brings you in to an audition, they really are hoping that YOU are the one who books the role.

You ask, "wouldn't an actor feel inferior in the audition room knowing full well that they are really not being considered...?" But you are being considered.

Maybe I am wearing a pair of beautiful rose colored glasses, but when I was casting a few projects, and we had open ethnicity, I brought in everyone from modelesque, to pretty, to character, to extreme character. It gave us a wider net, and all the reads were different based on who was reading.

Options.

And if you ever feel inferior in the audition room, remember - even in a room filled with other African American women, I guarantee you are the only one who looks like you. So every single time you are in a waiting room, be it filled with others your type, or where you're the other option, know that no matter what, there's only one Aisha who looks like you. Act well, show all your acting strengths, and they won't see a black woman reading her sides...

They'll see an Actress who's perfect for the role.

Break a leg at all your auditions!
xoxo

Post Carmeggedon

2011-07-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

You know what is so great about Los Angeles?

The artists.

They're everywhere here. And they're inspiring.

You know what else is so great abut Los Angeles?

The work crews who were so thorough but quick in getting the 405 reopened almost 12 hours before they had originally anticpated!

Watch this. It's 405 in 4:05. It reminds me of the stop motion Rudolph cartoons that are on every winter. It's gorgeous.

Nope

2011-07-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

I wish I had good news to share with you. I don't.

I didn't receive a call from my agent yesterday about booking the gig that would have been super awesome. It was down to me and one other girl, so I thought, well, they'll put us BOTH on avail, but maybe they skipped that part and booked the other girl directly. This, oddly enough, is a huge relief, because I don't know if my nervous stomach could have handled another few days of "You ALMOST got it! Hang tight!"

So!

As I'm trying to remind myself, getting to the top two is just another indication that I'm doing something right at these commercial calls. That trusting my instincts is a great thing, and that I'm really growing as a Struggling Actress.

My life isn't going to change right now, but you know what? Life right now is pretty good.

It really is.

Analyzing This

2011-07-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

When I wrote about my brain not having a dominant sphere (are you left brained or right brained?) I never actually said what it's called. When both your brain hemispheres are balanced, you have an Integrated Hemisphere Dominance. Sounds dirty, huh?

So basically, I'm decent at the arts and writing and things, and I'm decent at logic and analyzing things. I'm a Jack of all Brains!

How does that work in my acting life?

Well, when I have an audition for something I want, I am pretty good at analyzing the shit out of it, detailing every phrase, every direction, every technical acting form, in somewhat, sometimes, exhausting detail.

BUT. Doing this also helps me let it go.

Now, some commercial auditions I go to, I do it, I think, okay, yeah, and let it go. I'll get callbacks, I might book, no biggie.

But when I have a commercial audition for something I Really, Really, Freakin Want, I will go over every detail (sometimes four, five pages in my journal).

Let me talk to you about the Commercial Campaign that is So Right For Me It's Ridiculous. Maybe, if I share what happened with you guys, I can begin to let it go, piece by piece, until I'm proud of what I did cause I was so Lira I was Liralicious.

I had an audition notification the previous Friday for a National Brand spokeswoman. There was copy attached and I laughed out loud. It was funny! Most of the times, copy isn't really all that funny and the actress has to make it so (I mean, Flo in those Progressive ads, I don't know she does it. I think those commercial scripts are so awful, but somehow she makes it work. Good on her.) but this commercial copy was just so....Lira.

And I'm a Lira!

The more I thought about the lines as I was memorizing them, the more I had an idea in my head about who this character/spokeseperson was. I knew who she was, and she was someone the directors and producers might not know they wanted until I showed up with her. She was bubbly and fun, and even though her lines might seem a little sarcastic, I could still make her sweet and endearing.

For the first audition, I went in, did my thing, and knew I was going to get a callback because even if they didn't like the character I created, I still had very good on camera technicals. I was cheated out, used my environment, and they could always bring me back in to redirect me.

I got the callback.

Went to it. Still in my fun character. I loved her! It was Lira to the nth degree! I was just playing a funner, girlier version of myself.

When I was on deck, I was able to hear the audition of the girl before me. She did the copy, was redirected, and as I listened to her read the copy and still sound like she was reading the copy, I knew I didn't have to worry about her. (Being an elevated character of myself, I was still analyzing and critiquing everything!) The girl exits, and it's my turn.

I do the copy as my character, and am then redirected to make her a little less Liralicious, and to slow it down and make it more conversational. My character was very ad-word friendly, punching up the product details with just the right amount of "sell." If they wanted less of that, to have me more like I was having a conversation with my best friend, I can do that. I did.

"Would you like to do some improv?"

It is illegal to ask an actor to improv at a Sag commercial audition. Yes, it puts the actor on the spot, asking them to improvise dialogue/scenes about a product they could potentially know nothing about, making for a very unfair audition, but the real reason why it's illegal is because anything the actor comes up with while improvising could be used in the commercial and the actor, who might not end up being cast in it, now has their INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY being used in the commercial and isn't being compensated for it. They now wrote part of the commercial and it's really hard to prove that they came up with it because the audition tapes might "somehow" be destroyed. There's no legal leg to stand on. So Sag prohibits this.

This spokesperson will be featured in print, internet, television, and possible In Store Promotions (ooh! How fun would That be!?). Who ever books this spokesperson spot would be required to be in character at these In Store Promotions. So they have to know how to improvise in character and be product savvy all at the same time. And be funny, and be likable.

Liralicious!

This is a non-union gig, so it is okay for them to ask me if I'd like to improvise. And of course I say Sure! with all the enthusiasm I can muster. But I'm thinking, Improvise? About the character and product, with very little knowledge about it? Are you sure you don't want me to step outside so I can Google this stuff and get some knowledge or funny trivia bits or Oh My God Please I Suck At Improv When I Don't Know What It Is You Want Me to Say Cause I Get In My Head About Whether Or Not This Is What You Wanted!!

They give me a scene idea to improv and I stuck in two things I knew about that particular type of thing they're selling and finished.

Being the overanalytical girl I am, there's really only one word to describe how I felt I did at that part: meh.
BUT, the fact of the matter is I was Liralicious as the character, I was Lira in the room, and I had come in there from the get go with a character I knew they didn't know they wanted until I showed her to them. I made a bold choice. And in the acting world, isn't it drilled into our heads how far you can go if you at least make one freakin bold choice?

Before I had my callback, as I was signing in, I asked the session runner if he knew when they would be picking their actress because the shoot day was listed as "TBD: August or January 2012" Usually, the production dates are set in stone; the crews are all loaded up and hired, and the locations are locked in. It's usually no later than a week or two after the auditions.
"They'll be picking tonight!" he said. Really? "Yeah, they only called back 20 people."

I LIKE DEM ODDS!

I went home, analyzed, journaled five pages like a crazyhead and kept reminding myself these very important things:
I did the best I could with what I was given, and I was incredibly proud of what I did. I gave them an OPTION they didn't know they had until I walked into that audition. I am an Option! And if I'm not what they wanted, at least I stretched myself as an actress and felt confident about the work I did.

Knowing the creative team was probably picking their girl that night and getting it approved by the product company that morning, I knew that if I was chosen, I could expect a phone call by 12noon at the latest.

Folks.

No call came.

And I was bummed out about it because I loved what I did, and at about 3pm I was finally able to start being at peace with it. By rationalizing! I figured I must have been one of their top 5 choices because I was different, I had great technicals, and I was able to make them laugh in the room using the copy they've heard hundreds of times already. That's a feat to be proud of.

3:30 and my agency calls. "Are you available to audition again for a second callback?"

Second callbacks are rare. Extremely, extremely rare. It's Friday afternoon, a time when most Struggling Actresses are counting down the hour and a half they have before they have to put on their work shoes and apron and head into work for an 8 hour shift.

I was not scheduled to work a shift that night. I was available. YES, I can go to a second callback!

I jet over there for my 5:30 slot, and oddly enough, thanks to Carmageddon, I got to Culver City from the valley in like, 20 minutes!

I'm led in straight from the building entrance where one of the producers happened to be and he led me straight into the room. I expected there to be at least four other girls. Right now, there's just me. And I'm able to glean from someone else on the phone that they only have one other girl coming in.

50/50.

My bold choice worked! They DID want what I gave them, and I was the only one giving them that!

I said I had a question and went on that when I had come in for the audition, I had a specific character in mind and did they want more of that today or less?

"We absolutely loved what you did, and that's why you're here now. We just wanted to see if you could do it a few other ways and see your range."

I was given new copy for two other spots they're doing and unfortunately, they printed out the story boards so that they type was extremely small. Like this:

via Now, obviously this isn't the copy, cause I could be sued, but also, this is in ~~German~~ Dutch. But this is the size of the print. Small, huh?!

There were no boards with the copy written in big print next to the camera so that I could have my head up the whole time. I would have to hold the small copy in my hand and read the small type as I auditioned. What's this? DAUNTING!

I asked for a few minutes to go work on these outside the room. When I step out, I see the other girl arriving. I nod and smile to her. She is given sides as well. After about five minutes, I am asked if I'm ready.

This is where I probably should have asked for five more minutes. Just to get the lines down. Even though they said they weren't looking for me to be word perfect, and they didn't expect it, I still wish I could go back in time and ask for just a little more time.

But I go in.

I do it. Am redirected. Am redirected again. Am redirected again. Go to the next commercial spot. Am redirected, redirected again, redirected once more.

"Okay, now we'd like you to improvise again."

But this time, weirdly enough, I was excited about that. Really excited. They interviewed me about the product and the character. Yes, I knew very little about the product, but I knew a lot about my character; she was charming, bubbly, and someone you would want to buy this product from. I didn't have to sell the product here, per se, because I was selling myself. Do these people want to work with me for a few months? Did I show any type of diva behavior? Could I maintain the integrity of the character/spokesperson and be someone people watching tv would want to buy products from? Could I represent this company in the best light for at least a year? Maybe more?

I improvised well. I made them laugh. I was, dare I say it, charming and winsome and knowledgeable and someone you would want to be friends with. I was exactly who they needed me to be.

I am now done with the audition and they ask me a few questions. I had my hair pinned back in a fake bun like thing for all three auditions and they asked if they could see what it looked like down. Then they recorded me with my hair down so they could see how I looked on camera. Because I had straightened by bangs (cause straight hair is always so much more sophisticated than curly, am I right? sigh.) I pointed them out and said if the curly was too much, my hair can always be straightened.

They asked me if I was opposed to dying my hair. "Not at all! I mean, I know I have to say you need to talk to my agent, so please, talk to my agent, but I have no problem with that at all!" Wouldn't that be fun? I wonder what color.... Could you imagine me as a blond!? FUN!

They then thanked me. And by thanking me, I mean they each got up and shook my hand, thanking me for coming back in on such short notice.

I thanked them and exited the room.

As I grab my things and wish the other girl good luck, she says, "You killed it in there!" "They're really so nice!" I replied, and then I whispered to her, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THAT ENTIRE CASTING FACILITY'S LOBBY, "hey, I hope I don't freak you out, but we have really good odds; I think we're the only ones called back for this!" "Really? That's so awesome!" "I know! Top two feels pretty dope, huh?" We say a few more words and then they call her in and I wish her luck again.

50/50.

Are you tired of reading this? Cause I'm not done.

I got to my car, and felt a zen calm. I did the best I could. I was the best me I could be. I had an idea of what this campaign needed from me and gave it to them.

Then I thought about the other girl.

She had fifteen minutes with the copy. I had five. She is going to be memorized. She is going to have better on-camera technicals because of it. If they go back to the tapes, she will seem more put together and polished and I will seem a bit greener.

BUT

Like I keep saying, I gave them something they didn't even know they wanted. And they couldn't decide between the straight version that this other girl brought to the table, or the charactery one I had cooked up. And they brought me in to make sure I could do it without the character if they needed me to.

I did the best me I could do.

And now business wise, here's what I imagine is going to happen on Monday.

I will get the call from my agent that I am on avail. But the other girl will also get the same call from her agent. There's only TWO of us!

I just hope with all my heart that I'll know within a very short time frame whether I will book or be released.

And I also hope that now, with possibly one of the longest blog posts ever (and thanks for reading if you've made it here!), I can begin to let this go.

I had an idea for this character, I made my bold choice, I was the best Lira I could be and I'm proud of my work. Those are all things I should be very happy about.

Be Zen, Lira, be Zen. You did great.

Dear Struggling Actress

2011-07-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

Danai is freakin gorgeous. Ethnically ambiguous, she looks like a young Lisa Bonet, and her skin is so creamy, if you saw her, you'd feel like it would be your duty to ask her what her skin care regimen is so you can tell everyone you know and do the world a great community service.

Dania wants to act. She asked me if I wouldn't mind going over a few pictures to type her and to see if I thought she could make it as an actress:

I'll be in LA from mid-August through mid-December (after that I'll be back in Cambridge, MA for my studies) and will, unfortunately, not have a car. I don't mind spending hours waiting for poor public transportation, however, if it's what I have to do. Also, I think I might be able to use USC's Zipcar to get around if it's more of a time-pressure situation...I'm a Molecular and Cellular Biology concentrator on the pre-medical track at the moment (random, I know), but have done several plays in high school. Sadly, no professional plays.

I'm German-South African-Zimbabwean-American and was raised 100% bilingually (German and English). I'm pretty athletic, flexible (maybe useful if playing a gymnast or a clown?), a fast learner, and can play piano and cello (but, admittedly, not very well). I think that's it as far as performing arts talents go...I want to act because I want to make people happy, I love dressing up in a whole different persona and being someone different in some other life (it's what draws me to writing, too), and because acting is one of the things that makes me happiest. I really like to explore the different emotions and think acting provides a unique insight into the human condition.

Do you (honestly, I can take it) think I have a chance?

Thanks,
Danai

Do I honestly think you have what it takes to be an actress? Absolutely!

Do I honestly think you have a chance to be an actress for the five months you'll be in town while also studying? Not at all.

Danai, I think you have a very interesting life path ahead of you, but first, let me give you some reality, and then I'll give you a direction you might not ever have thought about, where you can still act, still cure cancer, and still make people happy.

The Reality:

You will be in LA for five months. In School. And you're not studying pretend, you're studying science. So you can't fully concentrate on your studies if you're also trying to live the life of an actress.

You will need headshots. Professional ones. That sets you back at least $400. Then you need to print one so you can submit yourself to agencies. Although you only have high school plays on your resume, that's actually ok. You look twelve. You could probably find an agent who would represent you. Except for the fact that you're only here for five months. Not one agent in their right mind would sign you because it takes at least five months to get started. As soon as you might have some momentum, you'd have to go back to school in MA.

But let's say you did it. You got headshots, you submitted to agents, one picked you up. A few weeks later, you get an audition! Crap! It's during a very important test. Or between two classes. And you don't have a car. If you're going to be an actress in LA, you absolutely need a car. Los Angeles has the absolute worst public transportation system in the country, and it's very limited with where you can go. So you call your agent, saying you can't make the audition. Now your agent has to tell casting why you can't make it, and now this agent looks bad to casting. Because of you.

Well, let's say you got the headshots, submitted to agents and no one picked you up. No one called you in for a meeting. You are agentless. You can still join Actors Access and submit yourself on projects. But you are green. You are too theatrical. And when the director says, can you please slate, you have to ask what that means. You don't have the training that your competition does. You are competing against other girls who have been acting since they were 6 months old. You are up against a lot of very good, very grounded, and very directable other actresses. The liklihood of you booking anything is very slim. But, What if you DO book something? And they need you for 10 hours a day for 6 days straight. What about your classes? What about your schedule? Are you available? No. You're not. They're not going to work with someone who is still in class. They'll hire the 23 year old who still looks 17, and came to LA to be an actress and has extensive training and credits.

BUT so what!

You are going to be studying at USC! One of the top 3 film schools in the nation. All you really have to do, is go to the film school and inquire about student films. Forget the headshots, forget the agents, forget all that, because you have a direct link to a ton of student films that need actors. You can find auditions that way. You might book something. And they'll work with your schedule because they have classes too.

Five months go by, you go back to MA to finish your degree.

Five months is not enough to be an actress in Los Angeles. It takes you two years just to figure out that what you thought was the absolute right way to do things, was the absolute wrong way. It takes you two years to get situated. It takes two years to find that bread and butter job that makes you enough money to keep taking acting classes and works with your schedule to allow you to jet off to auditions.

Have fun while you're here, audition for USC student films, and make the most of the weather, the friends you're going to make here, and your time in LA in the fall and winter when it's still in the low 70s.

And now, for some Direction:

I think you have a purpose with why you love writing and acting and science. Just because you like to act and write doesn't mean that you have to live in LA to be an actress.

If you want to act, you don't have to live in LA!

But the thing that is so wonderful about you and what you're studying Danai, is that I think there's a reason you enjoy it all.

What if you are a doctor at a Children's Hospital? What if you are curing autism and develop a program to help sick and terminally ill children help express themselves? You like making people happy? Maybe you are a doctor who wears a red nose and does a cartwheel if your patient doesn't cry when you give them a shot.

I don't know what direction you're going to take, but I hope, I hope with all my heart, that the above paragraph inspires you. You are going to do great things, and make people happy, and do everything you love, but you're also going to heal people. You're a creative/healer. A Creative Healer!

There's a whole world of opportunities ahead of you that you don't even know exist yet, but you'll find them, and you'll create some of your own.

I know without a doubt that you will find a way to fulfill your soul. You write, you act, you heal. Listen to the universe, and use your gifts for good. What you have, is a superpower.

Use it for the greater good. <3

xoxo

Lira

My Piled Up Desk

2011-07-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

Since I was a little girl, I was always organized (for the most part). I had things that went in places and they were always in an order, but my desk, however, was always messy. They say that those who like organization prefer left brained things, like math and logic, while those who like messy workspaces are more right brained and prefer painting and reading.

I like organized And messy things.

I've done the 'are you left brained or right brained' tests. I don't have a dominant sphere! I'm either strong in both (or weak. take your pick)!

Curious as to what you are? Take this simple test. Count the numbers below:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Got your answer? Great! It's not the mathematics, it's actually how you count the numbers. If you thought, oh, well, 9+1 is ten, 8+2 is ten 7+3 is ten and counted that way, looking at the patterns, you are left brained. If you just added them all up, you are right brained. If you, like me, started counting them and then used patterns, you're both brained!

And I told you all that just to let you know that I have a messy desk and I have all these tasks I need to do, piling up, and my desk is barely recognizable anymore.

....I really should be more concise in my posts.

Anyways, I've been the busy little Struggling Actress here.

I shot a commercial!

Can you see what they're shooting? Nope? Of course you can't! I did that on purpose!

I can't tell you what it was for until it's out (I heard rumblings of maybe September. We shall see.) but what I can tell you, is that I have never had an on set experience like that before. Can't say what happened, but what I can tell you is that my agent is promising to never do business with that production company ever again. And that I'm seriously considering saying eff it, and joining Sag because non-union work really can be awful and I don't have a union protecting me or giving me incredibly great things, like overtime and a required trailer. I could take the money I'm making from this to join, but my car is in SERIOUS need of some repairs and maintenance, so we'll have to see. Who knows, maybe I'll book something else soon, fingers crossed.

I also had a commercial audition on Monday that was just freakin absolutely perfect for me. It's a spokesperson position with possible in-store promotions, and all that just sounds like fun....and like a lot of money.
I LOVED the copy. It was funny and slightly sarcastic and just...for lack of a better adjective, just so Lira! The callback is tomorrow. I need to be even more Lira in the room, and charm the pants off these people. A lot of the callback isn't just how you can act, but also to see if you're someone they want to work with for a day, or, for this particular gig, for the next several. If you're just the right amount of professional and Lira, you can go far!

*Wink*

Also, last night, I was a part of a television pilot reading for the writers of the webseries I did two weeks ago. Blogger reader Vida (sorry if I misspell!) was there as well and said she loved my blog!
Vida: I'm sorry. It always catches me off guard when people tell me they read this. It feels like I'm just journaling in here most times, and when someone says they read my blogs, instead of being smart and sweet and saying, "Oh my gosh! Thank you for reading!" I just say, "uh. Cool." Like an IDIOT. I don't know how to respond and if you felt I blew you off, I'm sorry.

AND, I also have two indie film auditions!

Like I said, I've been extremely busy. If I'm not driving to set, or to an audition, I'm going over sides or copy.

Feels good!

Carmageddon

2011-07-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

The city is shutting down the 405 from the 101 to the 10 this upcoming weekend to do some major construction work for 48 hours straight, and Angelenos are calling it Carmegeddon. Now, I've heard from some older folks here that when chaos was predicted for the 84 Olympics, and the Pope's visit some time after that, everyone was advised to stay at home. Those who did venture out, claimed it was the best commute of their entire lives.

Some people are also very excited about this, as it promotes staying in one's neighborhood and enjoying some physical activity and local commerce.

Some other people, are making videos to help understand what this freeway closure means to Adolf Hitler. Watch and laugh your head off.

Crazy Couple of Days

2011-07-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Crazy couple of weeks, really. Cause when I'm not acting, or auditioning, or rehearsing, I have to work as hard as I can, and these posts have to fall by the wayside, which I hate.

Sad face!

So what I CAN tell you:

I shot a commercial! And as I was reading over my contract, I made a mental note to tell you guys: DO NOT EVER POST ABOUT A COMMERCIAL until it's on the air! Don't even describe what your audition was like. I shot one thing a few months ago I still can't talk about because they're going to do something like a sneak attack campaign (or something) and when they searched google and found me having posted "Just booked a thing for "Product X," on my acting website, they contacted my agent and he had to ask me to take it down. (My agent had to take time out of his busy day to do that. I can tell you he was not thrilled.)

The contract I signed yesterday stated that I was not allowed to talk about, give an opinion of, or mention the company's name before the thing aired. AND, some casting facilities are even posting signs saying if you're auditioning, you're "signing" a Non-Disclosure agreement, JUST BY AUDITIONING. Take a look at the walls at the Ivar Underground Casting Facility. I'm not kidding.

I even had Actors Access's public account on Facebook congratulate me on booking a commercial for that specific company, and I had to call up Breakdown Services and ask them to remove that post because it mentioned me and the company together in a public page, available to anyone surfing the internet. Extreme? It seems somewhat to me, but to be on the safe side, make sure your private Facebook account has your posts only available to your friends, if you have a public actor page, don't mention the company, don't mention the product, don't mention anything until your commercial is airing.

I'm also needed for an unexpected additional shoot day on this thing, which means: my agent renegotiated my shooting day fee. Yeehaw!

Also: I have a casting director who tried to get me in to his feature film casting thing a few weeks ago email me yesterday to see if he could bring me in. They still aren't happy with how casting is going for their one character and so they're bringing in more people. I was unavailable the first time because of the web series I was shooting, but now I can come in! And he found me from a project I worked on the previous summer, and calls me his "wild card" because I'm against the type they're really looking for, but he's sure I'll blow them away. Might not be what they originally had in mind, but it wouldn't be the first time I "wasn't right" for the role but still managed to book it.

Work begets work!

So up this week, I've got a commercial audition, a commercial shoot, and two auditions for two indie films. I'm having a grand ole time here, feeling like a real, live actress!

And now, off to the gym with my sides in tow, to memorize, memorize, memorize!!

How to Fish for Theatrical Representation

2011-07-05T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ah..... four day work weeks. Isn't that the best part about three day weekends? Anyways...

Last Monday I had a commercial audition. Two days later I had the callback. The next day, Thursday, I was put on avail. I spent the last FIVE DAYS in a state of limbo, wondering if I was going to be released like I had been for the last one just a few weeks ago.

Got the call from my agent. I'm booked. I shoot on Thursday.

YAY!

Because, man oh man, is there something to be said about opening up your mailbox and finding a letter with your agency's logo on the return address and finding money inside. Magic Money! From an agency who looked at me and said, "You will make us money. We want you." And that's what I'm doing. Yeehaw!

And now, another type of letter in my inbox - reader mail!

Betty asks:

Do you have any advice for people starting their search for a theatrical agent in LA? I've been booking a lot of jobs myself, but it would be great to have a member on my "theatrical team". Some people think that you get a good theatrical agent just by doing a lot of great work on your own... that they will eventually find you. But I keep thinking that I should start my search while I'm booking my stuff. What do you think?

I'm passionate about working on great independent films (that's my first love), but I've been branching out and doing a lot of different projects lately.

Hi Betty!

Yes, it's true that that you'll get a good theatrical agent by doing a lot of great work on your own, but when people say that, they mean you had a boutique level agent who got you in the door of a big project and you booked it, and then WME or CAA come in and lured you away.

But when you're without theatrical representation now, the above isn't very likely to happen.

So do what I did (or don't, cause I'm a Struggling Actress, ya'll) and clean up your resume (with the how to here), contact a casting director who has cast you and ask if they wouldn't mind you using them as a referral, write a short and sweet cover letter stating that Casting Director knows your work well and is happy to talk to the agent about your skills (put down their phone number!). Then mail it --- wait. Did I just jump ahead of myself here? Oh dear.

You can buy the Agency Book at Samuel French which has the addresses and little notes about each agency and whether they might be looking for your type. But you ALSO have to get imdbPro (can't afford it? try their FREE 14 day trial) and look up each and every single agency. Daunting? Have a friend help you. Have three friends help you! Go through every agency, see who their top stars are, and where the starmeters (which really don't mean anything) of their average clients are. Let's say you have a starmeter of 78,000. You want to be at an agency that has lower starmeters than you. You want to be with those around 30,000 and lower. So you double check the address, make notes on notecards, and you and your friends get together and put your packages together. (also, very important, write "referred by "so and so" on your envelope. It's way more likely to get opened.)

Last summer (and summer is the best time to do this!!) I had my top 20. I submitted, made notes on my card when I submitted, felt incredibly proud of myself and ....I got a phone call!!! From the HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES!!! The voicemail said thank you for submitting but they weren't taking on new clients at this time.

Want to know what is depressing? (incidentally, not the phone call from the House of Reps; I thought it was so lovely that they called me to let me know. Who does that?!) Submitting to 20 agencies and not getting a meeting out of it.

Well, eff that!

So I changed my headshot and did it again three weeks later.

AND THEN AGAIN.

It took me three tries to finally get some one to call to set up a meeting. But - I got TWO meetings on the third try. That's weird. But perseverance and a little chutzpah pay off.

It's stressful and daunting as hell, but I had my top 20 list and no more. I only had 20 agencies I wanted to be with. I knew that most of them were mostly dreams, but the ones that called me were the ones I wanted to be with and I wasn't going to settle for less than what I wanted.

Persevere. Perseveres. Persevere.

And good luck!!
xoxo
Lira

Post Wrap Blues

2011-06-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

When I'm on an amazing and fun project where I get to laugh a lot, there's usually a sort of mild funk I get into after I wrap. There's a ton of questions swirling in my next morning's cup of coffee: Will I ever have that much fun again? Would those people want to work with me again? When will I get my next job?!?

We wrapped last night on Home At Last, after 6 days of shooting, at an episode a day. And the director and 1st AD got us out of there early for most of the week. THAT is pretty amazing. It was an incredibly efficient crew, a fun cast to work with, and if you want to know how small the world really is, our DP was in my brother's high school class! Crazy!

And the week flew by. It really, really did. That's what happens when you get your face licked 18 times, I guess. It all becomes a blur.

But I'm not able to rest on my seventh day now, uh uh. I have a commercial audition at 10 in NoHo, a commercial callback in Santa Monica at 11:45, a recreated events show audition in Hollywood at 2 and a meeting with my theatrical reps in Beverly Hills at 3:15. I am all over the place today! And it thrills me and excites me, and with my own personal projects also keeping me busy, there's no forseeable lull in my future anytime soon.

I'm on an upswing. I feel good. I have a project in the can I'm extremely proud of (when crew members and your veteran actor co-star compliment your work, it's awesome) and can't wait to see, and know will be great because of the writing and the professionalism of the entire cast and crew. I have things to look forward to.

I also am preparing for the annual camping trip I go on, as well as the day in October I marry the love of my life in front of our familes and friends.

This is contentment. This is happiness. This is the Post Wrap Joys.

May you expereince them yourself, and often.

xoxo

I Know People on TV

2011-06-20T22:46:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting with my boo and a commercial comes on. "Hey! That girl's in my acting class!"

Then, immediately following it, is a promo for the show Leverage. "And that's one of the guy's I'll be working with on set tomorrow!"

And then, on ANOTHER commercial break is the guy I used to work with a year ago, and there's ANOTHER commercial, with someone I cast in a webseries pilot I made!

Nice.

Post 500

2011-06-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

This is my 500th post. Quite the landmark, eh? When I first started this thing, it was more of a chronicle of my auditions and callbacks and how I felt they went. Truly boring! As I kept writing, I found I was more interested in helping others figure out their next step, and writing a post or two about things that really mattered to me.

Here's a post about both of those things.

In a few hours, I am going to pick up one of my best friends (growing up, I had learned on the playground that you can only have one best friend and I always hated that rule, because ranking people you love is unfair. I have several best friends whom I love equally and wholly. You should too! :) Sarah and I have known each other since we were 15. FIFTEEN! So that's [hack, cough!] Ten Whole Years! A Decade! She lives up in Lafeyette and I miss her terribly, but whenever we see each other, it's like no time has passed. She's brilliant, compassionate, gorgeous, and a human being I am so happy to know and love. Whenever I can get her and my other BFF, Gloria, together, it's a fun time, because they are practically the same person, and yet so different. They're two people who make me think, "Why on Earth do they love me so much?!" but I have to squash that negative thought, embrace it, and just hope that I am always the friend they need me to be too.

My last post, Peaks and Valleys, hit home for another BFF, Phoenix. Even though we artists may have a ton of things going on in our immediate future, it still doesn't seem like enough. And it hurts our hearts, and turns our blood into lead, weighing us down until we can't feel anymore. It's hard. An artist without feeling, without letting herself feel emotions, can't create. But, like the seasons, we have to understand that this happens every year. Leaves fall, it gets colder, and all the cute animals hibernate. But a few months later, everything blooms. Know this happens, prepare for it, and in this day and age, create your own content. Find other things in life that give you joy that isn't acting, and go forth. And like a phoenix, you'll rise again, stronger than before. Keep heart.

For all of you out there wanting to get a Casting Director's opinion of the acting world but can't afford to attend a seminar, Billy DaMota is doing one for FREE. If you don't know him, you are losing out. He champions for our rights and is extremely generous with his time and connections.

FREE SEMINAR/Q+A with Billy DaMota! Saturday and Sunday, July 23 + 24 - 1pm to 4pm at TheCastingDirector.com -see website for address and directions. Attendance is limited so you must RSVP to facebook@castboy.com with your name, tel # and day you'd like to attend.

Format will be similar to The Actors Network guest evenings. Q+A and discussion. So bring your questions and let's make this a habit!

Also, I found this, and think it's a good mantra to have. I printed mine out and am going to frame it in my office.

via

I am also obsessed with a song. It's two years old or so, but I've never been hip to the music scene. I just discovered it. Have a listen:

If you're like me, you're probably wondered what the heck that high pitched voice is saying. Well, Gloria figured it out! They're sampling a song in Gaelic (which is why it doesn't make any sense) that translates to "Oh, my little boat." But that's not fun, is it? So instead, imagine the high pitched singing is actually:

Please Unicorn, Please Unicorn, Please Unicorn, Eat Taco With Me!

Fun right?

And now that you're probably at the same part of the song that I was at when I was dancing by myself (cause sometimes, ya just gotta dance!) only to be surprised that my fiance was filming me. Of course I ham it up.

Have a wonderful week!

Peaks and Valleys

2011-06-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

The life of a creative is a constant roller coaster. One month you're at the top, looking at the entire city and marveling at how it all works out. The next, you're at the bottom and you can't get an audition to save your life and you're being jerked around and the restraints are really starting to hurt your boobs.

Last month, I was definitely feeling restrained. And a lot of it felt like it was my fault and no one's fault all at the same time. The few auditions I did have, I was put on avail, so I'm doing good work, only to be released because I didn't do the best work. And I was beginning to get depressed. The mouse who has been on the wheel for ten full minutes at a breakneck speed only to realize she's still in the exact dang spot.

The life of a creative is kind of like that. Spinning to nowhere, sometimes, but at least you're spinning.

What should you do?

Make More Friends AND Nurture The Friends You Have.

Find out what they're doing, how you can help. Everybody has an idea in this town, and if you're currently running in the wheel to nowhere, see if you can't stop for a second, gather your bearings, and find out where your other friends are. Cause they might just be at the front of the line at the roller coaster and want you to ride with them.

There's a girl in my acting class I've always liked, but wanted to know more about. Made a frozen yogurt date with her and when I told her that I want to see her one woman show that she's writing (her second, btw), she looked at me and said, "You should write one!"

I've always wanted to. Thought about it for a while. I felt that I needed someone to help guide me, help mentor me, answer my questions.

Guess who now has an incredibly excited and supportive new mentor?

I also met another girl who is normally in the Monday class but came in on Tuesday and we talked for a bit after class. I felt like I already knew her. We made a lunch date for the following day and spent ELEVEN hours together, talking, laughing, marveling at how we were so similar, knew the same people, felt like we've done this before. This girl, who've I only known now for ten days now, feels like I've known her my whole life. We met last week! And now we are molding and shaping a pilot and then a web series, because we like how the other one works, love how we bounce ideas off each other, know that being honest doesn't have to be brutal, and are making things happen.

I have another friend who wanted my help in writing a song parody. She came over last night, we finished 2/3 of it, saw a mutual friend in a play, came back and finished the song.

And tomorrow, I am going to the table read of the web series I booked, because the projects are more likely to come when you are already busy.

Yes, it's peaks and valleys, highs and lows, and the lows can be really low, but the highs - MAN! You just need to extend your hand and you feel like you can touch a star.

Missing in Action for Good Reason

2011-06-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

I have a fun little story to share once I have more time to write, but in the meantime, I'm happy to announce that Billy O'Leary is offering THREE Free Classes to go check him out. You don't sit and audit other people, you get up with sides you get the night before and work On Camera! You get to see exactly what you are bringing to the auditioning table.

I love him, think he's brilliant, and know you'll think the same!

Email assist@billyoleary.com and let them know which date you want:

Thurs June 9th, 10am OR
Fri June 10th, 10am OR
Tues June 14th 10am.

Please let them know I referred you!

Know This for Next Pilot Season

2011-06-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what happens during Pilot Season?

This is from

Inside the Industry Seminar
synopsis by Tracy Weisert

I have known delightful Casting Director Patrick Baca since I moved to Los Angeles over thirteen years ago. He was our guest speaker at our Casting Networks’ free for members Inside the Industry Seminar in April and I was struck by how passionate and enthusiastic Patrick still is about his job in casting and actors! It was very refreshing! Here is Patrick’s bio-

Los Angeles Casting Director Patrick Baca, CSA is presently teamed with Shana Landsburg, CSA and together their casting credits include motion pictures, movies of the week and network pilots. Patrick and Shana are recently cast two television pilots entitled "Passport" and "Magic Eye." A few of his favorite casting credits include the Kelsey Grammer directed comedy "Alligator Point" starring Cybill Shepherd and Leslie Jordan, the Comedy Central series "Stripmall" starring Julie Brown, and the TV movie for the hit series L.A. Law. Patrick has cast all forms and medias -- but his passion is for comedy. Patrick previously served two terms on the Board of Directors of The Casting Society of America, and is a five time CSA Artios Awards nominee. In addition to casting, Patrick also enjoys teaching script and character analysis to actors. He has moderated industry panel discussions on Pilot Season Casting at various venues including the Screen Actors Guild and AFTRA. View samples of his casting work.

Patrick told us, “Thank you for coming! I have been a casting director now for a while. A while. I won’t date myself. It’s a long while. I didn’t intend to become a casting director. It was just the path that my life took. We’ve got 90 minutes with each other, right? I thought I would do something unusual and different. Something I’m sure that that you’ve never heard before. In the spirit of Pilot Season, which we are still at the tail end of, I thought I'd explain to you Pilot Season, from my eyes…from the eyes of a casting director.

Casting Pilots are the most unique of all the casting processes. It is the most unique because there is a studio involved and there is a network involved. When you get entities like that, it complicates the creative process, so there are specific steps that I have to navigate through as a casting director if I want to get an actor cast, let’s say in a series regular role in a Network Pilot. I thought I would share that with you to sort of demystify and let you sort of take an insider’s look at what we go through.

Then I thought I would talk to you a little about the craft of acting. You’re already familiar with the craft of acting, but you’re probably not familiar with the craft of casting. That is a craft, so that I would like to talk a little bit about with you because I bet there’s a lot about it that you don’t know. It is important that you do know because we are literally partners with each other-casting directors and actors. There is this partnership that exists between us. The reason that is, is because your work as actors becomes my work as a casting director, so I’m vested in your performance. I’m vested in your interpretations and ability to execute a character; a fictional character. Take ink on paper and bring it to life in an interesting, complex and psychologically accurate manner. So let’s get started and maybe I’ll save some time at the end for some Q and A.”

Patrick continued, “First of all, casting directors, if you’ve never thought of them in this manner, like actors, are artists. I am a ‘creative.’ I’m not a secretary [laughter] although my job does involve quite a bit of organization and administrative things. That is definitely part of my job but that’s not why I get hired. I’m not hired because I’m organized. The greater part of my job and why I get hired is for my ability to be creative, my ability to be visionary, for my knowledge of actors and for my ability to match actors to the written page.

For me, one of the fun parts about being part of the storytelling machine, is I love the collaboration part. I love how all these different artists come together and collaborate to tell a story. The designers which it begins with all come together and the actors come later. The designers, all come together and we all have a sort of a responsibility like a sliver of the pie that we are all responsible for. For example, if you are a wardrobe designer, you read the story and in your mind, you have a vision of the story from a fashion point of view. Fabrics help you tell the story and that’s your contribution because you know the history of fashion and you’re able to sort of paint what that pallet is going to look like. If you’re a scenic designer, obviously you read the story and have a vision of the story from an architectural point of view. You create walls, you give us flooring, you create moldings… the space that we as the characters are going to inhabit.

If you’re a location guy, then you’re responsible for everything that exists outside the doors, outside the window, landscape is your pallet. Make-up…that’s obvious, but your assignment is going to be very different if you find yourself working on a story that is maybe set in the future, than if you’re working on a story set in the past. Hair, the same thing. I feel my department of casting, of all the designers…and I do think of myself in casting as a designer…I’m really like the most important of all of them and I know maybe some would think that’s a pretty bold statement to make, but I think it’s absolutely true because here’s what I can do that none of the other designers can do. You can create a beautiful rack of outfits/wardrobe but if you put them on the stage, they can’t tell the story by themselves. You could build a gorgeous set but if there’s no actors to live in it, you can’t tell the story. You can’t tell the story with just hair. So none of those departments can tell the stories by themselves, but you can tell the story with just a cast. If you have just actors on the stage, you can tell the story, so that’s why to me, casting is the most important process. I feel like I’m there to accomplish and to collaborate with the writer, to help him realize his vision and to collaborate with the director.

Casting ends up being a three-way collaboration. Then, it becomes a four-way collaboration between the writer, the casting director, the actor, then the director. What the audience fails to see whenever we see a great performance on stage [or screen] is we just see the actor up there. What we don’t see is all the others who are with him. The writer who created the character, the casting director who interpreted the character and envisioned it, then there was an actor who interpreted the character and executed it and lastly, there was a director who interpreted the character and then fine tuned that performance, so there are four people up there so the actor is never alone, but of course, the audience never sees that.”

Patrick went on to say, “So I’m there to help the writer realize his vision, but a good casting director has their own creative input as well. Sometimes casting is kind of like being handed a coloring book. It’s got characters in it but they are just outlines. There’s no real color in there and it’s my job to fill in that color. The crayons that I use are actors. I mean, I look around the room and you’re all are very unique, very individual and very colorful in your own way. To me, you’re just like a box of crayons…. [laughter] that I get to play with. That’s how I do my work! I use a pallet like any other artist except the pallet that I use is not fabrics or swatches… it’s swatches of people, of personalities, and swatches of psychology. That’s what I use. Sometimes the writers are specific in their characters they create on the page but a lot of times they’re not.

One of the first things that I do when I get a job is that I get the breakdown going. I’ll send the script and create a synopsis and description of all the characters. Then one of the first things I’ll do is schedule a ‘concept meeting’ with the writer, director and producers usually. We’ll all gather and I’ll give copies of the Breakdown to everybody and we’ll sit there and literally go through each and every character and we talk about them. What our vision is for them and how specific. I like to get specific details. I’m there to facilitate their vision, but to squeeze mine in as well.”

Patrick continued, “In Pilot casting and sometime Sitcom casting, not always but a lot of time, the characters are kind of, by default are written as Caucasian. One of the responsibilities that I feel I have as an artist, is to be colorful and to be painting a picture that is going to wind up on screen or on the stage. Like any good portrait, it has got to have color, it has to have depth, it has to have detail, perspective, complexity and balance, so I take this into consideration when I put together an overall cast.

There’s this term that the Screen Actors Guild and AFTRA have in their contract language and it’s called The American Scene. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard that term before, but The American Scene….basically what it refers to is it’s a casting related term where it’s the responsibility to us who is creating these pictures and images, to create them in an accurate manner as the American scene appears today. Today, The American Scene is very complex and very colorful. It’s not ‘1950s white picket fence’ anymore. It’s got color. The writers don’t always take that into consideration or they don’t detail that out, so one of the things I do when I’m at this concept meeting and one of my goals is, ‘Where can I add color to this overall picture?’ Also, a lot of the roles by default are written for men and I’m not sure that this is accurate in terms of members of the Screen Actors Guild…I don’t know how many there are and I think there’s more but let’s just say 100, 000 members are in the Screen Actors Guild. I’m curious to know how many of those are female and the ratio of males to females. I’m sure it’s at least, I’m just guessing, but I would say that it is probably 60-70 % female to 30% male. The reason I say that is because when I get submissions, that’s usually how it breaks down. If I get 1000 male submissions for a series regular role on a Pilot, I know that I’m going to get 1500 female submissions and less roles.

One of the things I’ll say (in the concept meeting) is, ‘You know this co-star role in the court room and there’s a judge presiding. on the page it’s just written as a Distinguished Caucasian Male Judge.’ I’ll look at that and I will ask the Producer, ‘ I can bring that in sure, no problem but is there any reason why this judge in the courtroom couldn’t also be let’s say, a dreadlocked African American zaftig female in her mid-40s? [laughter] Then they’ll think about it and they’ll look at me and go, ‘No! No reason why not. Sounds good!’ Then I think, ‘Okay great!’ Then I know what my parameters are and I’m just trying to figure out how creative I can get with each of these roles - how interesting and far I can push the envelope. I’ve never been told ‘No.’ I’ve never had a producer tell me ‘no’ unless it was integral to the storyline. Usually they will go along and be open but I have to remind them. They don’t necessarily do it on the page. That’s fine. I don’t mind reminding them. It gives me more to do. It gives me an opportunity to be creative and to think but that’s part of my responsibility.

So once we lock everything down and once we agree, then I’ll go about starting the casting process once I realize that we all are on the same ‘visionary page’ with all the characters, then I begin. In the process that I have to go through, there are nine steps. It’s a long, long process. You can almost think of it as a pyramid and I’m going to work my way up.”

Patrick Baca's Network Casting Pyramid:
This is a nine-tiered pyramid (in radial form) that cating directors have to navigate through when casting actors in series regular roles on a network television pilot. Step one begins with the vreakdown being released and steps 8 and 9 are the studio test and finally, the network test.

Step 1- Breakdown Released

“Basically the breakdown winds up being an announcement from me, the buyer, let’s say, to the sellers-the agents and the managers. It lets them know that I’m in business, where I am, what it is that I am doing and what it is that I am looking for. This just gets the ball going. I can release it as far and wide as I want. I’m not sure where the term ‘casting’ came from but casting also means casting a line in the water. Maybe that’s where it came from but we want to look at the actor markets in terms of bodies of water. Here in LA…in Hollywood, this is the biggest and widest talent pool in all the world! I’m pretty lucky as a casting director to be working in this pool because it is the deepest and widest of all the pools! It is an Olympic sized pool basically, so if you can’t get something cast here, then you should be doing something else because I don’t have to throw my line out very far. I don’t have to look much further than Los Angeles. If time and budget allow, you can look in other places…other pools of water.”

Step 2- Agents and Managers Submit

“Regarding representation-Do I trust their taste in actors?”

Step 3- Casting Director Sets up Sessions

“The casting director starts sifting through the submissions. Like I said, I might have 1000 submissions that I’m getting and there are probably more if I’m also looking at the actor submissions from the casting services. That’s where, I think, casting directors have the greatest sense of power is in that third step because no one’s looking over my shoulder as I’m going through the submissions telling me who to bring in. They might have suggestions but they are not looking at all the submissions. That’s what I think I’m hired for is my taste in the actors and that’s where my knowledge really sort of comes in. Sometimes actors will ask me, ’What do you look at? What criteria determines whether you select this person versus that person?’

First of all the image, the photograph itself is the first thing that I am going to see. I already have an image in my head and some sort of a vision based on my team, our vision, of what this character might look like, so the photograph is very important. Then the resume…if I’m casting comedy which is one of my passions, one of my loves and one of my specialties is comedy casting. When you cast a sitcom pilot, you look for sitcom credits on that resume because sitcom acting is very specific. It’s got its own rhythm and its’ own tempo and not everybody can do it. Remember I spoke about that pool of talent that’s here in LA? Inside that pool there is a little wading pool [laughter] within it of people who can do comedy. Not everybody can do comedy. It’s really, really specific. If I’m going to bring somebody in, I have to know that they understand comedy and sitcom acting, so I’ll look to the resume. If the sitcom credits are there and I know them already, I know their work. If I don’t know them, then I’m looking to see if somebody else has hired them just to put my mind to ease if I don’t know you. If there are no sitcom credits, then I’ll look for ‘comedy clues.’ I’ll look to see if you do stand-up around town or I’ll look to see if you do improve around town…if you’re in the Sunday Company of The Groundlings, then I now that you’ll know comedy or Improv Olympic or Second City and then I’m willing. The resume really does speak to me. “

“Another consideration is which agents and managers are submitting. Do I trust their taste in actors? Does their taste in actors trust my taste in actors?”

“Another consideration is a demo reel. If it’s there and I don’t know you and I can click on it, sometimes that’s all I need. I just need five seconds to hear your voice, to see you move or to get a sense of your presence or your sensibility or your castability, so the demo reel is really, really important to have as part of your online profile. It can either make or break you. It can make or break my decision on whether or not to take a risk or gamble in bringing you in. It is a gamble.

I’ve got seven roles to cast and they’ve probably given me seven weeks to do it and that’s not nearly enough time. That means that the available (audition) slots that I have are few and far between, so to me they are like gold and I just don’t want to give them away. I want to give them away but I want to know that if I’m giving them away, that that investment is going to return. So when you get an audition, basically, you can think of it like as an invitation from me to you for you to help me do my job! Come in and be brilliant! Come in with your interpretation and all your skills and help me get this job done! That’s what an audition is. It’s an invitation to a party basically. Whenever you get an invitation to a party, you never show up empty handed. You always bring a bottle of wine…a good one. Not Two Buck Chuck either! [laughter] Your bottle of wine is to come in with your sides executed and with your strong choices. If you can do that, then I’m happy. If you’re skimming the surface, then you’re coming in empty handed”

Step 4- Casting Pre-Read Session

‘The fourth step is a casting pre-read. The casting pre-read is where you come in one-on-one to see me with your interpretation of the character. There’s nobody else in the room. I’m not recording you. It’s just you and me, one-on-one. This is where you ‘show me your wares.’ You show me your interpretation of the character. I realize that performance in auditioning is a work in progress. I realize that however, when you come into a casting pre-read, you have to be pretty developed. Your interpretation has to be very far along already. There’s no time for us to develop it later because I have to be discriminating because the next step after this is going to be the producers’ callback.

I feel like actors when they come to see me for the first time, have to be at 90% done. 90% developed at worst because if you come in and you’re at 80%, or let’s say you’re at 70%...you know with the lines, the character, all the detail and the laughs that are built in the material, if you’re only 70% done? That’s only a ‘C.’ That’s only average. I don’t have to settle for average in the ocean that is Los Angeles. That’s not good enough. Even 80% isn’t good enough. I’m looking for a ‘Low A to a High A’ to bring back. If you’re missing 10%, I’ll jump in there and collaborate with you. I’ll tweak you. I’ll detail you out. I’ll guide you and try to point out this laugh that you didn’t get here or that one. I’ll jump in there and play with you and try to make you better. I’ll get you ready for the director but only if you’ve done the bulk of the work already because I don’t want to do your work for you. I could. I could if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.

It’s a test, for me too because I want to know that you are self-sufficient and that you can come up with these answers on your own. Once you get on the set, you’re going to be alone basically. The TV directors here, I feel like a lot of them are traffic cops. They are guiding all these different departments, but there’s no time for them for us to sit down and romantically figure out the character and all that wonderful stuff. It doesn’t happen in TV. There is no time for it. I’m looking for actors who can do the director’s work for him. That’s really what I feel like I’m doing. I’m doing his work for him and you are too. We both are together like that partnership I spoke of, so you have to be really, really far along to motivate me to even re-direct you. But if you don’t and you’re just skimming the surface, you’re just giving me what’s on the page and just doing what’s expected, I’ll smile at you, thank you and nod at you and out the door you go and I won’t tend to remember you. You’ll be surprised. A lot of them do. They have agents and they got in somehow. Those actors who do just what is expected, they cancel each other out in my mind just blur and become bland. “

“The lines between the lines are so much more interesting. The subtext is your gift. Don’t come in without it.”

“That’s the biggest sin is to come into my office and be bland.”

Step 5- Producers Callback Session

“When you come in and be great in the room, then I’ve just been great! If you’ve had a bad day, you’ve just taken me down in flames with you [laughter] …except that you get to go home! But I can’t leave although I want to go home with you!”

Step 6- Test Option Deal

The twenty actors who have gone to producers is narrowed down to five. The studio lawyer makes pilot and series deal with actor’s agent.

Step 7- Director’s Rehearsal

The director gets the top actors ready to audition at the Studio Test. “We’re there to ‘polish’ you.”

Step 8- Studio Test

“Step 8 is when we go visit the President of the Studio. For example, I did a pilot called ALLIGATOR POINT. First of all…let me explain to you that there are three entities involved in production and making of a sitcom usually. This is why Pilot casting is so complicated.”

First entity- The Production Company- The producers that own the rights to the material. The production team winds up being the people that they assemble around them. For example-the writer, the director and the casting directors that they hire, so I’m part of the production team. Then for example, on ALLIGATOR POINT, the production company was Grammnet Productions, the production company of Kelsey Grammer.

Second entity- The Studio- In that case, the studio was Paramount Network Television, so if you ever see CHEERS or FRAZIER, you’ll usually see the Paramount Network Television logo comes up at the end. He’s had a long relationship with Paramount, so that was the studio.

Third entity- The Network- Then the network was NBC. The guys who actually broadcast it. Before I go to the president of NBC, I have to go visit the president of Paramount Network Television. This is where one president decides what the president above him is going to see. This guy has ‘veto power.’ So to get three actors to Step 9 (Network Test), I’ve got to show the studio president maybe 5 actors, so he can veto 2. To get by to there, I feel I have to show my producing team maybe 20 actors that we can boil down to five. To get 20 actors to show the producers, I probably have to see 100 actors. That’s sort of how the math breaks down.

Step 9- Network Test

“The very last step in this casting pyramid is Step 9 and I wanted to explain for you is the test at the Network. Has anyone ever tested at the Network for a Pilot? One day you will. When that happens, what you’re going to do is you will be with the casting director, the producers and the writer to go visit the president of the Network. Taking three actors is a good choice. Three is a really great number. We, as the production team don’t want to bring him five actors because five is probably too many choices and they’ll turn to you and say, ‘Oh, you don’t know who you really want.’ I could get away with taking two, but you never, ever want to go to the Network with one actor because that’s psychologically loaded. It will backfire on you and they will feel like you are forcing this person on them. They don’t like that. They want a choice. And we’re going to say to the president, ‘Hey Mr. President, we have this Sitcom Pilot that have seven series regular roles and today, we are going to show you three of those roles. We have brought with us three actors per role and they are all going to perform for you. These are all actors that we like. These are all actors who we have done ‘test option deals’ with. They are all available and we could live with any one of them. Pick one. Sign off and approve one of these guys (actors) and tell us who you like. That’s ultimately what we’re hoping will happen at the Network. The president has sort of the final say.”

Thank you Patrick for your incredibly informative, helpful and insightful seminar!

Click here for a full list of Patrick's credits.

Contact Tracy or find her on IMDb.

Falaroop!

2011-05-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

When I was but a wee wisp of a girl, and when my mother's depression was a constant, my little sister and I would occasionally hear strange sounds coming from the kitchen. We'd race down and there, at the table, was my mother, laughing on the phone. Laughing, giggling, making jokes! It always meant one thing:

Aunt Sira is on the phone!!!

"Can we talk to Aunt Sira?" we'd plead and whine, and our mother would say okay, and we'd pick up another phone and talk to our fancy Aunt who lived in Los Angeles, who only was able to visit occasionally, but she always came with a new hairstyle and bottled water. Yes, bottled water. She was fancy! She was cosmopolitan, wearing high heels, makeup, and always bringing presents for us every time she came. "Okay, say goodbye now," my mother would always say way too soon, and we'd have to replace the phone to its cradle.

Just how cool is Aunt Sira? Born and raised in New York City, she went to Woodstock, moved to San Francisco, changed her name to fit her better, became a photographer, did stand up comedy, moved to Los Angeles, and offered to house me if I was interested in studying at UCLA. Rad, right? And that's just 2% of her story.

And she's always been so incredibly supportive of my acting. She and my uncle would travel to come see me in my school plays, and for my 18th birthday, flew me out to LA to get my first headshots and even got me my first agent.

She's also been an incredible help, filling in as my mother, for the Backyard Party the Love of My Life and I will have in October to get hitched. She toured venues with us, helped pick out dresses, and has offered so much advice and suggestions.

She doesn't always comment, but she reads every blog post. Celebrating my triumphs, understanding all too well the avail releases and other setbacks. She is, after all, married to an actor herself. She understands the years of needing to save, and the years of plenty and celebrating.

If I had to choose someone in my family to come to Burning Man, I'd bring her, and know she would be able to have a good time, make friends, see the art, and participate.

My cosmopolitan Aunt Sira who could guarantee giggling from my mother every time she called us.

She emailed me this story and I asked if I could share it with you.

When I was a little girl, my grandmother Becky (Claire's mother, your great-grandmother) used to tell me a story about a large trunk filled with money waiting to fall down into my lap.

Apparently all you have to say is "Falaroop, falaroop," and the money will fall. The only catch is you don't know when the money is going to fall. So you chant "Falaroop, falaroop," -- if you're going to fall, fall now.

Claire used to get angry with Becky for telling me such silly stories - Claire said she was telling me bubamince Yiddish loosely translated as grandmother fantasy stories; fairy tales.
But I was always fascinated with my grandmother and believed in her stories. Throughout my life, (particularly when I was close to being broke when I was in my 30's) I have chanted "Falaroop, falaroop."

For me the trunk full of money fell a few years ago. For you, I know the money will fall to you and Anthony, too. You don't have to chant, because others are chanting for you.
Love,
Aunt Sira

Everyone should be lucky enough to have an Aunt Sira in their life. What a lovely story, and what a lovely thing to say.

Falaroop, falaroop!

And happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Two Avails This Last Week

2011-05-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

I was on Avail for that Hair show earlier last week and I was on Avail for that commercial last week as well.

Two Avails! Yay!

Two Releases From Avails! Booooooo!

Sad Trombone

The State of Anxiety

2011-05-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

I was called on about noon last Thursday and told that I was on avail for a commercial, and although one should look at it as a lovely blessing, truly, it just makes me nervous and want to throw up. Am I going to book this thing or not?!

Still no call that I booked.

Now, I know they're shooting tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, and I figure I should be notified today by three if I'm going to be shooting tomorrow. I also know I could be called tomorrow to be told I am shooting Wednesday. I could also even be called as late as Wednesday to be told I'm shooting the next day. That would mean I've waited an entire week to be notified if I'm working. It kinda throws a wrench into my whole schedule.

And there's the butterflies. Their beautiful wings green like paper money. Just out of my grasp.

Ugh.

Pilot Season 2011: The Aftermath

2011-05-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

Here is Premier Talent Group's CEO's report on the 2011 pilot season. He calculates how many roles per gender per age group were available, and how many of each were given to a Star or Known name. You must read this.

My favorite part of it is when agent James J Jones writes something along the lines of "Don't worry! Don't be discouraged! If you were lucky enough to audition for a pilot, they now know you exist!" Which I guess is supposed to be uplifting in a world where Struggling Actresses aren't even considered for pilots anymore. Imagine if Friends was being recast today. It'd star Michelle Trachtenberg as Phoebe, Kellan Lutz as Joey, Annalyne McCord as Rachel, Robert Pattinson as Ross, and Daniel Radcliffe as Chandler. Actors from film, and already majorly established television stars would be offered the roles.

And here is a list of allllll the pilots this year, with the ones that got produced and picked up highlighted in yellow. If you're a Struggling Actress like me, you weren't seriously considered for any of them!

Here's to the Summer - where hopefully we can go out for the smaller roles and actually book some work, yeah?

Cheers!!!

Model Open Call!

2011-05-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Clear Talent Group is a respected agency. Get on it!!

(Click on the picture so you can actually read it.)

How to Walk Like a Model

2011-05-13T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a hair model. Did you know that? And when my sweet, Love of My Life gloated into the phone to his mother that he was dating a model, I had sternly corrected him. "HAIR model!"

Hair models can be under 5'8. We can be a size 6 (two sizes away from plus in the modeling world!). We can look like we went to college and got our Masters (ie OLD).

When I go to hair auditions, I am the "fat" Hobbit. I'm okay with this. It's fun to be in a room with other women who have the same size feet as I do and talk shoes. I strain my neck from talking to them, but still, shoes in a 9.5 are hard to find! I gets me some good insider information on where to buy heels.

Today's hair call was for blonds and redheads. They only needed one each. They picked their redhead and the rest of us were sent packing until another Master Colorist asked us all to stay so that she could go over our hair for another show she was doing on a different day. She needed longer hair and those willing to go brunette. Well, my hair is only to my shoulders so I get up to leave with a few of the other girls, and she says, "Wait! You!" I turn around to see who she would be calling, but she's looking right at me. "Please have a seat and stay." Okay! She talks to a few of the remaining girls and excuses them, one by one until it's just me and two other girls.

"Because it's a runway show, I need to see your walk."

Um... WHAT? I don't do runway! I'm not tall enough! Sure, I've done it, but I don't do it. She has the three of us walk for her.

We all fail. Quite miserably. But instead of saying, "Okay, thank you," she gives us a short tutorial.

You can try this at home:

Find a hallway. Now put your hands on your hips and walk down it like you normally do. Notice your hips don't swing like Jessica Rabbits. Remember not to do this on the runway.

Put on heels. Walk mainly on the balls of your feet. With your hands on your hips, walk while pretty much taking long strides while criss crossing your feet in front of each other. You'll feel a major difference in your hips.

Now put your arms down and do it again. Move your arms as LITTLE as possible. Feel ridiculous. Own it. Then do it in front of someone and hear them coo at how you could totally win America's Next Top Model.

You can also watch this video!

So it's basically down to me or the other girl. We're both under model height, but we might just be doing runway! How crazy. On our way out, the other girl, Katie, told me that she was so happy, that if I got it, she would still be happy because we, the Hobbits, would book a runway gig. I told her I would be especially happy if she got it; because then I wouldn't have to walk!

But, I must practice. And own my feeling silly and know I must look hot doing it. I mean, I wouldn't be on the short list if I looked the fool, right?

Happy Weekend!

Eff It, She Deserves It!

2011-05-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure how "real" voting contests are. I believe that it's just a way for a company to get more people to know about whatever product they're selling than it is an actual contest that contestants can win. I saw a contest once to be a host for a new E! show where you had to upload your videos, etc and have all your friends vote for it, but, because I had an in, called to get the info on when the actual audition for the host was and went to that. Why would a production company hire someone who uploads a video? Why would they sit through thousands of videos? They're going to pick whoever they want, and that person is going to be professional.

Which leads me to Sarah Lasko. I just received a lovely email from her:

Hi Lira!
I've been following your blog for about a year now and I love it! I've loved watching you making big changes in your life and finding success. :)
I've just been gifted an amazing opportunity by Broadwayspace.com. I'm a finalist in their 2011 Broadway's Next Big Star Contest! I only have til May 15 to get as many votes as I can, and if I win, not only do I win an all expenses paid trip to NYC complete with free accommodations, dinner, and Broadway show, but also an audition with a Broadway casting director from Telsey & Company!!
I linked you the video on youtube a while ago (me singing "Green Finch and Linnet Bird" from Sweeney Todd) and you commented that you liked it,

[edit - I didn't like it, I frikkin LOVED IT! I have never heard such a voice that was not already on Broadway. If I get to heaven, I want angels to sing like her.] which gave me the idea to ask for your help. :)
I would be so so appreciative if you could vote and pass this on to your readers to vote too. Voting is SUPER easy. There's no registration or email required, just a few clicks and you're done.
Here's the link to vote: http://www.broadwayspace.com/page/final-15-broadways-next-big-1
Thank you so SO much for your support! You inspire me on my own journey as a performer!
Best wishes!
Sarah Lasko

Sarah Lasko and I had a small email exchange about a year ago so she's serious when she says she's been following for just as long. And I voted yesterday - it is ridiculously easy. Like she said, no sign up, nothing. Takes all of three seconds to click on her and push 'vote.'

I will probably never do this again, and even if this contest is fake and voting doesn't matter, would you mind taking 3 seconds to click on the above link to vote for Sarah Lasko? This girl is going places, and fast, trust me, so when we all get to go backstage to ask her to sign our Playbill, we can say, "Sarah Lasko! Your performance made me so proud! You see, I voted for you for the Broadway's Next Big Star Contest, and I feel like I helped you get here!" And she'll smile, sign 'with love, Sarah Lasko' on our program and say, "You did help me! Thank you! You helped me be the happiest I have ever been in my life. And I hope my performance made you feel love and remind you that you are loved." And we can say, "It did, Sarah! It did! Brava!"

Brava, Sarah. Brava.

Tactics and Levels and Beats

2011-05-10T22:30:00.000-07:00

Oh my!

I auditioned for a play! For a play!!

For a new work, and oh man, what an experience. I feel like there's more dissection required for plays. Especially for works that haven't premiered yet, as the playwright might not yet be done tweaking for the last time.

I mean, I haven't auditioned for a play in, gosh, 6 years! I was having a blah time back then, unhappy with how my agent wasn't getting me out so I said, eff it. I haven't auditioned in months, I'm going to find Backstage and audition for ALL the open calls! I had seven of them meticulously copied into my planner, the dates, time, addresses, what type of monologue I'd need, but it was all for naught; I was offered a lead role in the first play I auditioned for. And it was a Great experience! With complicated quick changes and, in the second act, me prancing around in lingerie and fishnets!

And where tv is so concise, plays can meander a little. It's fun to sit on my bed with my pencil, my sides, my buttercream candle filling the room with the scent of cupcakes, (one must have rituals, you know) and find where my character is joking, find where she's sarcastic, find where she's serious, find where she's angry, find, find, find. Sleuth, sleuth, sleuth. Analyze, analyze, analyze.

And the audition went well. I'm happy.

I should audition for more of these.

Plays!!!!

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

2011-05-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

I used to not celebrate Mother's Day.

I felt so angry, cheated.

It took me a long time to understand that it wasn't her fault. And then, after months of therapy, that it wasn't mine.

We moved my mother down to Los Angeles to be close to her sister and me. My father's conservatorship over her transferred to my aunt after the divorce, and I am being groomed to take it over when my aunt retires. Once I can get bonded. Once I have a more steady source of income. Once I understand how the court systems work with her estate, the laws regarding her person.

My mother hears voices. Somewhere within the chemistry of the 14 pills she swallows everyday, is Stargates into her brain. She is more lucid, more conversational than she's been in years. When I hug her, she hugs back. She says, "Thank you for visiting." These are new as of 2010. She had not volunteered a hug for me in 20 years and I had to learn how to hug my mother all over again. Something every other daughter knows how to do, and with no effort, I had to learn. What is too tight? What is not tight enough? I am getting better.

For three years it was difficult to visit her because she believed that women were no longer allowed in restaurants. The first time my future husband met her, my father drove us to pick her up at her care facility, and my dad walked with Anthony to the Starbucks and bought coffees for everyone while we, the women, stayed in the car.

Two years ago, I told my mother that President Obama changed the laws so that women were allowed back in sit down restaurants. That he was progressive, and that it would take effect in as soon as six months; that now, women were allowed in fast food places. That I could buy her a milkshake if she came into the Jack in the Box with me to celebrate the new laws. We sat inside and she ordered a smoothie. A huge victory.

She does not like crowds. I try to visit and take her out during the week so that the Starbucks nearby isn't filled with high schoolers, people just out of church. She likes the grande Cinnamon Dolce iced latte with whipped cream, and she asks me to ask for a spoon so she can eat the whipped cream first.

She does not like crowds. I take her to the tiny hidden neighborhood park and we sit and watch the few children on the swing set.

She does not like crowds. She has decided that coming to my wedding will be too much for her. I will make sure she has a very lovely album so I can show her and tell her all about it.

This is my mother. I took this picture of her yesterday, on my phone. You can't tell, but her hair is getting long now. I brushed her hair for her and put it in a ponytail. She cares about her appearance now. She likes to have her hair done when we go out. This very small thing for others, a huge victory for us. She is getting better. This is, and could very well be, the best she'll ever get. Until her body chemistry builds a tolerance to her medicine in as little as another year and she gets worse, bit by bit.

This is my mother. She looks beautiful, contemplative, wise. She looks like she could be reading a newspaper, or solving a crossword puzzle. Maybe writing her third novel. I caught her in the middle of something very important.

This is my mother. I am beginning to look more and more like her. You can't see it, but she has the greenest, most beautiful eyes.

This is my mother. Half of me.

I Wish I Was as Brilliant

2011-05-05T23:48:00.000-07:00

You. Must. Read. This.

Two Good Cries and a Laugh

2011-05-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

First off, to all my fellow servers, Happy Please Don't Throw Up in Our Bathrooms Night! To my fellow readers, Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Words are powerful, eh? Even the way we build words is fascinating. I love etymology. Always have. How did we groom today's words from the mixed bastard German/English/French Clustereffed Red Headed Stepchild some of our ancestors spoke in days of yore? The way we say words are interesting. Say quick. Now say slow. Quick has more letters but is faster to pronounce - and slow feels so much like Onomatopoeia, but it's not! It's from the Dutch!

And words can take us from a calm and pleasant morning in our offices in California to New York City almost ten years ago. A woman hears her husband, a man she's known since they both only 16, tell her on the phone over and over again how much he loves her before the building he's in crumbles. Read and listen to the story of how two teenagers met at a school dance and were later reunited when she traveled to go visit him for his birthday.

And read the last entry of a husband and father who was told he had terminal cancer. He asked that his last post be published after he died, which was two days ago. It's a very calm and peaceful post focusing on reflection and love and the future he'll never know.

And the two stories are so very powerful to me because they both share the one four letter word that changes everything for two people: Love. Such a tiny word that packs such a punch. Right angle, circle, 45 degree angle, straight line and three quarters of a circle. It's structured, then loose, then structured, and then, at the end, a combination. A giving and pulling of the letters to make an agreement, a promise, an emotion that is so hard to quell. An infinite amount of possibilities from just four letters, from one person to another.

Two great stories.

And now, for some levity, so that your coworkers might think your running mascara is from all the laughing you'll do:

Jersey Shore in the Style of Oscar Wilde.

I love you, my readers. Have a Love filled day.

Reminders

2011-05-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

One of the things that's great about Los Angeles, is the constant reminders of how lucky I am to be auditioning. I like the relaxed pace of the valley, the families and schools and gourmet frozen yogurt that is Studio City, but when I'm driving and auditioning for commercials and films, I get to see things most people don't.

via

Like Downtown. I love Downtown. I love all Downtowns. The high rises, the valets, the old hotels; I love how Downtown has such rich history. To this day I marvel at how the sky is scraped by such height. How there's so many busy people, so many theaters, so many fancy dinners being had. Love it.

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If I have an audition at Fifth Street Studios, I love taking the crosswalk and seeing the ocean. The ocean. It's right friggin there. And if I want to, I can go ahead and walk right to it and dip my feet in.

And, of course, if I'm driving home from Ivar, I always catch a glimpse of The Sign.

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May you always feel inspired on your job interviews too.

A Rose By Any Other Name

2011-04-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

There were quite a few tough love commenters on my Friday post, who for one reason or another, must have felt that they were too tough and then immediately deleted their comments. I want you tough love commenters to know that what you said to me meant a lot because I know you said it out of love. [update: while writing this post I discovered that Blogger may have accidentally made comments disappear. I did not delete any of them as I feel I (and perhaps others) need to read each one.]

One tough love commenter even used his full real name, a very BRAVE thing, especially because now I know who you are and your comment bears more truth and weight than it would if you were anonymous, and I really, really appreciate that. When I went from anonymous to my real name on this blog, that was a somewhat terrifying thing to do, but allowed me to connect to my readers more. This commenter leaving me his real name felt the same; someone who leaves their real name does not hold anything back and is 100% accountable, fully honest, and feeling the need to connect to me on a personal level. He then, however, deleted his comment, [or Blogger did!] which I was very sad about, because I want to touch upon a few things he said.

I am, however, taking out the name, as he did delete his comment, so I will leave him anonymous. Here's the entire comment:

[Redacted] has left a new comment on your post "My Hurt Heart":

I may say some things that may be unpopular here; please know I mean kindness. My tiredness may make me miss my mark. First, you're a huge success by many measures and basically everyone who replied has likely said so, or should have. You've already entertained millions and you are clearly capable. Example: I just a few weeks ago pointed a friend to "Validation" and they were delighted. It was much needed delight after a rough few days. You have made progress, that is a fact that could be stipulated in court, not mere opinion. And making progress does not require you to be happy.

I too know the feelings you describe in this post. Last month I let my agent ago. Two days before that I had a call back, through that agent, for a very nice national commercial, but we weren't a good match. While I know that letting go of the good to make room for the great is vital, and that no longer being with them is a good thing, there is temptation to panic since I'm currently unrepresented. It's tempting to buy into many people's stock views of what progress looks like. When I don't give into that temptation, it is partly because I remember I did not move to LA to have an agent.

Please know I don't mean to be harsh, and also please allow for any rough edges in my words to be forgiven as the late hour at which I am typing here: you are so committed to struggling that you made it the name of your blog. Big bold letters. I have encountered your blog many times before and have not subscribed because of the name. The posts, your thoughts, and their value in my life can not blot out that name. I am not struggling. It may be seductive to ruminate on what I do not have that I would like to have, or that others have, or others think I should have. But I am not a struggling actor. Neither are you. This is not new age wishful thinking; we are not the title of your blog. The title is simply goals perverted into self-reproach and fear. Even though either of us could make up a long and thorough list of lack, want and disappointment, that is not who we are. Not what we are. It is not True. It is the explanation fear asks us to hide behind. The opposite list more solidly comes to mind; it so readily comes to mind that you could not help yourself from including it partly in your post. Things like honed skills, knowledge of both craft and market, and most of all your obvious passion and joy at acting that creeps out between words and sentences, despite the title above them.

Your blog title is wrong. It is as wrong as anything in life can be wrong. It is a lie. Whether you believe it is or not. Using such a title does yourself, your readers, and me a disservice. If you feel like you are the eponym of your title, you can keep feeling that way, but don't for a moment indulge the lie that it is actual and any more than emotion. If you want a different first name, use your own, which as far as I can tell is either a form of money or a beautiful instrument.

I hope some warmth made it into these words, and if not, I'm sorry for that and please forgive me. Hope you have great dreams tonight, and that they don't end on waking.

First off, let me thank you for taking the time to write what you did. (If only my lack of sleep could produce such beautiful prose!) And please understand that I know you mean everything you said with the best of intentions, and with love in your heart.

And please understand that I am about to say the following with the same.

please know I mean kindness.
I know you do. You have no idea how much I appreciate that, you, and the time you took to reach out to me.

I know that letting go of the good to make room for the great is vital
THIS is an excellent point that I think a lot of us Struggling Actors forget. If we don't like things that we can control the way they are, we DO have the power to change it, as you did with your representation. All too often I see friends of mine who are settling into a rut (me included!) because we accept our lot in life. But we have to let go of the good enough to make room for the great. Fantastic words.

You are so committed to struggling that you made it the name of your blog. Big bold letters. I have encountered your blog many times before and have not subscribed because of the name. The posts, your thoughts, and their value in my life can not blot out that name.
I disagree. And I don't want to offend you, but I believe you are projecting onto me. I am an Actress, yes. I do define myself that way, but I am also Struggling. For the most part, I am an Unemployed Actress. But the words Struggling and Unemployed do not take away my talents, my hard work, my ethics, or my compassion for my fellow Struggling Actresses who are going through the same things I am, and are on this same roller coaster. Google "struggling actress" and this blog pops up. Which, in fact, is what one European Journalist did. She then contacted me and interviewed me for a video for Sky News.

I think the name is VERY important. People new to this town can Google and find me. They can Google and find a lot of information on how to get started and what to do correctly on this blog. I am very proud of that. I have taught people how to get free headshots, how to correctly write an acting resume, and how to use Actors Access to their best advantage.

But all the negative connotation you associate with the word is yours. The word Struggling, after all, is defined as Striving to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance. Is my life path difficult? You bet your bippy. In fact, you know yourself how hard it is! Do I believe I am going to accomplish my goals? Yes, I do. And I'm here to prove to people that with enough effort and skill, We Can Do It. And people have been reading, and watching, and cheerleading me on, and supporting me when I need it. It's a huge blessing to have the following I do. Every single loyal reader is a gem to me. I am surrounded by the best, shiniest, diamonds!

The title is simply goals perverted into self-reproach and fear.
The word Struggling, to me, is a pregnant one, about to give birth to Victory. I am sorry you do not share my sentiments.

Things like honed skills, knowledge of both craft and market, and most of all your obvious passion and joy at acting that creeps out between words and sentences, despite the title above them.
It is part of the birthing process. :)

Your blog title is wrong. It is as wrong as anything in life can be wrong.
I agree to disagree. And I love the point you make next because it's got a great story that sums up how I feel:

If you want a different first name, use your own, which as far as I can tell is either a form of money or a beautiful instrument.
My father took great care in choosing my name. I am his first daughter, and he, a thoughtful man, had chosen to name me after a constellation. Maybe so that I could marvel at how small and insignificant we all or, maybe so that I would feel more connected to the world, as we all look up to the skies and marvel at the blinking lights above us, and that no matter where we are in this hemisphere, we can look up at the night sky and immediately feel at home. Maybe, as he likes to joke, he took one look at my screaming red face and thought, Yes! She's a Star!!

But the thing is, he spelled my name wrong. It should be Lyra.

Do I go around, moping at being misspelled, at people mistaking me for a currency, instead of the lovely Sky Harp I am named after? No. Because my dad still named me with all the best of intentions. I don't harp on him (pun intended; I AM my father's daughter!!) that people will see my misspelled name and therefore me as a mistake. Because I'm not. And I don't see myself that way.

I don't see The Struggling Actress blog title as a bad thing. I see it as a beautiful thing; as something I am working really hard for and will one day achieve. I have a fantastic rags to riches story to tell, but I'm still at the beginning of my tale.

I am, and with all sense of the words, a Struggling Actress. But I am proud of that. And maybe now, you can be too.

I hope some warmth made it into these words, and if not, I'm sorry for that and please forgive me. Hope you have great dreams tonight, and that they don't end on waking.

And I wish the same for you.

Again, thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into your comment. I appreciate it all more than you know.

UPDATE: My friend Evan says it best and way better than I can: "The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength."

01001100011011110111011001100101

2011-04-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

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When I blog, I am usually at my computer, facing East, facing the window that gets the most sunlight at 10:30. I am listening to Pandora, and I am usually alone. If it's a Monday morning, I hear the gardeners for the building whack the weeds and blow the leaves. If it's a Monday afternoon, I hear the little boy who lives next door run to his door after school, with his mother laughing behind him. If it's Monday evening, I hear the wheels of a suitcase from the guy coming home to apartment 102.

I am alone. And yet, I am not alone.

I am surrounded by people who care. I am surrounded by over one hundred yous. I can't see you, I've never met you, and yet, you will read the words I write and you will care.

You will care.

The fact that I don't have to do anything except be myself and share my successes and my fears, and you'll still be right here, right next to me, is a type of love that is new in this digital age. It shouldn't feel real, it shouldn't feel like avatars and usernames are real people who love me, but it does. It's funny, isn't it? Through sophisticated science and technology, I can put my thoughts and feelings into words, get it translated into binary code, send it out through the cable lines, and feel a connection to people who are not in my room, not in my apartment, not in my own personal world. And yet, through blogger, can feel connected to all of you.

01001100011011110111011001100101 spells Love. Funny, right?

I felt alone last Friday. I do not feel alone now. You've been here all along. Rooting, hoping, supporting. I just couldn't see it. I can see it now.

I think every artist feels alone. What artist hasn't put up some type of show, some type of painting, some piece of their soul, only to be rewarded, praised, admired, when the artist herself can only see the mistakes, the things she would have changed if she could, the things she wants to fix. She doesn't see the same things everyone else does. She doesn't see art or success. She sees garbage and mistakes. At some point, the artist has to let go of her fears, let go of her inner critic, hear the things being said to her and just listen and accept.

I need to listen, I need to accept, and I need to be proud of everything I've achieved. This is hard. But by golly, I owe it to my invisible support system.

I owe it to you.

Can I thank you enough? Probably not verbally, probably not by writing, but I can thank you and show you my gratitude by accepting your praise, your compliments, your support, and keep on doing this.
You believe in me? You believe it's just a matter of time? Well then, I will be patient too. I will believe in me too. And I will keep on plugging away and getting closer and listen and accept that my support team believes that I can do this and believes that it will work out.

Thank you, The Skirted Wordsmith, Kerri Moseley-Hobbs, Marc, Kevin, Shay, Kate @ Manhattan Actress, Zuri, kelsey., Ophelia thinks hard, Angela, The Kid In The Front Row, ACTRESS CONFESSIONS, Cool Henderson, Brandi Ford, and to the several people who posted anonymously. It takes a lot of time and effort to write the things you all did and I'm very thankful.

And a big thank you to this Anonymous poster who then, unfortuantely, either felt they were too harsh or embarassed by the words that they said, fearing I'd take it in the wrong way because there's some great things here. So I'm posting it:

your feelings are justifiable and not wrong.
but maybe that's the issue. not your acting skill, but your feelings that are affecting your attitude.

you've got the skill and in many cases you've got the validation from others. but here's the thing. this is a business. we're not curing cancer, we're not saving the world, we're entertaining people and selling stuff. period. sometimes we get money for it. sometimes not.

you say that's not good enough. why am i not on tv? why is it so hard to pay my rent? why am i not going out more? why can't i get in front of TV CDs?

because you can't. that's life. why is there always traffic on the 405? because there is. does it open more doors and give you more opportunities to pity yourself? does traffic move faster when you're feeling sorry than when you're not? maybe. only you can answer that.

but the two main things i came here to say are:
1. what WOULD be good enough? do you have specific measurable goals and a plan of how to get there? or are you just living life based on the kindness of others to give you a job, say something nice, offer you an opportunity. are the expectations you've set for yourself really for you? or for others to fulfill for you?
(try dallastravers.com or another career coach if you don't have a clue as to what i'm talking about)

2. quit. go ahead. please. get out of the running so that i don't have to compete with you. because, i want to book the job and it will make my job SOOO much easier if you're not there to compete with me.
(does that comment piss you off? it should.)

all of the above is said with more love than could possibly be expressed through a blog comment...

I love Paragraph 4. Why am I bemoaning the fact that I can't get in front of the casting directors I want to get in front of? BECAUSE I CAN'T. So what am I going to do to help myself? That was a question I didn't even come up with because I was in such a sorry for myself funk. I missed the obvious question that helps get everyone out of the self pity state! What am I going to do to help myself? I can't go any faster than I can on the 405 at all hours of the day, but I can take Sepulveda, I can take Coldwater Canyon, I can go to 3rd Street Promenade and just enjoy being so close to the ocean until I'm ready to go home. I can do other things to fulfill me while I'm still doing this!

And then there's Point 2 that Anonymous makes. I read it and I wasn't angry. I wasn't pissed off. Because after reading the first word, my gut reaction is, "Well, I can't quit." I won't. Then the parenthetical - did that comment piss me off? No. It didn't. Because I want you to book the job too. I want you to book the job too!

And then the last comment - so incredibly superfluous, because I knew you wrote the whole thing with love, I could feel it.

I could feel the love from EVERY commenter.

In my post, I had asked other struggling actors to tell me of their successes so I could help feel a part of something bigger than myself. Instead, the largest Cheerleading Team Ever busted out their pom poms and cheered ME on, reminding me of my own successes.

This, this is bigger than myself. This connection to the world, to all of you, is bigger than myself. And I feel it. Boy, do I feel it.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My Hurt Heart

2011-04-22T12:53:00.000-07:00

Can I blame this feeling of stagnation on the holidays?

I should be happy! I just filmed a fun little video for a friend of mine who told me she sat down to write the darn thing and thought, "What would Lira say?" She wrote it for me! And it was so fun, and easy, and great, and fun, and easy and great....

I should be happy! The webseries I shot last summer is having their premiere this Sunday at a cozy little bar (that I actually know because I had shot something there a few years before). I'm going to be reunited with a cast and crew who were a blast to work with, a joy to joke around with, and a director who pretty much sat me down and said, "Listen. You are going to happen." This is the director who told me that after my first audition, he knew I was his girl and he rewrote parts of the character and script to cater to me and what I bring to the table.

I should be happy! I already booked a commercial this year! A commercial that involves a really cute concept, and had the director take both my hands after I was finished to tell me how fantastic I was. That had three separate crew members come find me to tell me how everyone thought I was so incredibly great.

But I'm not happy. I am not happy at all. I am scared. And I think my commercial class last night is the final straw of me being able to admit, I am NOT happy. I am Scared.

I am simply not working as much as I should be. And it's really starting to hurt my heart. I could always say to myself, "Self, you're not working as much as you should be, because you're not good enough yet." But I've been in a scene study class with the fantastic Billy O'Leary for a year now. I'm really pretty good. But I do not get theatrical auditions. I just don't. And working every week on material, and getting more and more proud of the work that I'm doing (which is a feat, as I am incredibly critical of myself) but not being able to show the payoff of studying so hard to casting directors who cast television is hurting. In fact, we even had a working actor, who's a lead in a series, audit our class based on our mutual friend's recommendation, and he had told her "There's absolutely no reason why Lira shouldn't be on tv right now." And hearing that felt so wonderful! An actor who works all the time, who is bouncing between two different states to film two different shows, sees my work and thinks I'm ready to be where he is, felt fantastic. But I'm not on tv right now.

I am struggling to make rent. I am getting tired of how much energy I am putting into this Struggling Actress life and yet still, STILL can't get a job that pays me a living.

The last two auditions my commercial agency sent me out on, I got called back for both, and booked one of them. That was a month ago. I haven't gone out since.

And I had even enrolled in a commercial callback class! I dug through couch cushions, picked up pennies on the sidewalk and finally came up with enough money to take this very expensive, heavily recommended class, only to have an incredibly overworked and angry instructor make two people needlessly cry in class.

I'm tired. I'm so tired, you guys.

Maybe, just maybe I'm so close. Maybe this is the valley before I peak.

But my nerves are shot, my future feels bleak, and if I pretend it's how many strokes I played in my last game of golf, I can be proud of my credit score.

I'm sorry to bum you out. I really am. Because I know that for every me, there are 10,000 other Struggling Actors all going through the same thing. I am not alone in this. I am not the only one who feels like they've never been given a shot.

It just kinda feels like that right now.

That I'm a failure.

And if you're a Struggling Actor reading this right now, I could really use your help. Please comment about YOUR success. Please tell me that YOU are booking commercials, that YOU are booking television or new media, that YOU are starting to make some headway in this game.

Because I need to know that it does happen. That it happens all the time.

Please let me share in the joy of your successes. I'll raise my pompoms and project with all my might, "GOOOO TEAM!"

Know Your Rental and Employee Rights

2011-04-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Los Angeles, Struggling Actresses! You rent a lovely apartment and wait tables, don't you? Of course you do! But do you know how much you are required to tip the dishwasher and what percentage your landlord is allowed to raise your rent? (You are NOT required to tip the dishwasher, and if you live in rent controlled Los Angeles, only 3%)

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to know your rights as both an employee and a renter.

If you are a tipped employee, you should definitely be aware of Labor Code Section 351, which prohibits employers and their agents from sharing in or keeping any portion of a gratuity left for or given to one or more employees by a patron (ie: it is illegal for your employer to collect your tips at the end of the night for him to calculate tipping for your coworkers for you). Furthermore it is illegal for employers to make wage deductions from gratuities, or from using gratuities as direct or indirect credits against an employee’s wages. The law further states that gratuities are the sole property of the employee or employees to whom they are given. "Gratuity" is defined in the Labor Code as a tip, gratuity, or money that has been paid or given to or left for an employee by a patron of a business over and above the actual amount due for services rendered or for goods, food, drink, articles sold or served to patrons. Bookmark and understand your rights as a tipped employee.

Even if you don't read anything now, before you move out and into another apartment, know your rights and responisbilities as a tenant. Download this www.dca.ca.gov/publications/landlordbook/catenant.pdf and save it. Don't want to download a pdf from my website, no problem. Here's a list of websites for you.

This is a major city and people will take advantage of you because they assume you don't know the laws. Know them. It's your civic duty and will save you a ton of money.

To My Fellow Actors in College

2011-04-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

Do you get all the lead roles easily? Does your school choose the plays for next semester based on your talents? Los Angeles might be hard for you.

From BackStage:

Manager Brad Lemack, founder of Southern California's Lemack & Co. and author of "The New Business of Acting: How to Build a Career in a Changing Landscape," thinks acting schools don't teach actors how to be employable after graduation. "Where there is a significant difference between talent and skill," he says, "there is also a huge difference between being able to act and being able to get hired—as in paid—to do it."

Lemack worries that actors who graduate at the top of their class and who always landed the best roles in school will think it's going to be just as easy in the professional world. But any professional knows that starring roles in school productions do not open doors to roles in professional productions. "Students who do not embrace this reality and who demonstrate an entitlement about what they have done versus what they think they deserve can create an energy, an attitude, and a behavior that can prevent opportunity finding them," he says. "It will kill any 'it' factor that might exist."

And I've seen it happen. Be careful.

Dear Struggling Actress

2011-04-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

My fellow blogger/actress Anita sent me the following email:

I was wondering of I could ask your opinion on the following casting call:

Auditions for Dance Machine the Movie

Looking for Actors, Dancers and Musicians for Nationwide Casting for Feature Film!

We are holding open casting for the full feature film "DanceMachine!". "Dance Machine" is being produced by Mark R. Harris whose credits, to name a few, include "Crash", "The Black Donnellys," and "Gods and Monsters." Mr. Harris has developed a reputation for being a Hollywood innovator and has decided that instead of having the talent come to Hollywood, he wants Hollywood to come to the talent. "Not only will everyone have a fair and equal opportunity to showcase their talents and possibly land a role in DanceMachine!," says Mark, "but also show the rest of the entertainment community what they can do."

We are looking for:
Dancers & Choreographers
All types, all styles. Includes Dance Machine arcade dancers.
Actors
Primary Cast - teenagers. General cast - all ages. Breakdown & Actors sides may be found here.
Musicians
All types, all styles of music. Performers, Composers, Groups/Bands.
Artists
All types, all styles of art. Anime, 3-D, Animation, Pop & Modern Art.

Note: All minors must be accompanied by a parent or guardian.

Location: All states, United States

Payment details: Professional Pay

Applications to this casting call require:
* A phone number
* A profile photo
* A profile video

[A list of breakdowns follows.]

You have to go to their website, http://idancemachine.com/, register and then you can access sides, upload your CV, headshots, audition videos etc. It’s free and the only thing that I’m not too happy about is that your audition videos can be seen, rated, and commented on by anyone.

Would you do it, audition I mean? Or would you have earlier in your career? I just don’t know how seriously to take this and how professional and fair it is.

Hi Anita! So here's my take on those types of auditions:

They're NOT auditions. They're a promotional marketing campaign preyed upon actors so that when one actor who uploads all the stuff then has to tell all their friends and family members to vote/comment for them - that one actor/dancer has told 100 people about it. And of those 100 people, 50 might go see the videos and vote. Which is pretty cost effective.

Their website says "All roles for DanceMachine! will be cast exclusively from talent from our iDanceMachine.com community." but just because a website says that doesn't mean they actually will. It's not smart for a film production to do that! Why would they go through thousands of videos (mostly terrible) when they could offer the role to already established talent like Vanessa Hudgens or Dianna Agron - stars who already have a huge following! THAT helps make a movie money. Unknowns with very little on set (if any) experience do not. And could cost them a ton of money due to their lack of experience and proffesionalism.

I don't for a second buy that these are real auditions. I mean, they could cast their extras in it, but even then, don't you think they'd want to go through an extras casting service filled with actors who KNOW how to do background work and are all in one spot to pull from?

It's a 3D movie. They're putting tons of money into special effects. They will hire professional, established actors and dancers repped by agencies. There's too much money going into it not to.

So, I would say you can do it to do it, but your chances of being called in are probably worse than winning the lottery. I'm not going to do it. I'd rather put the energy into filming a small scene and using it to put on my reel.

I think any actor, when it comes to these types of multi-media platforms to cast a movie needs to be very wary; no one is going to risk millions of dollars on someone who at least doesn't have a high powered agent behind them vouching for their work. Movies aren't made for art. They're made to make money. It's a business. If you're an unknown Struggling Actress, you're not going to help that movie make money. You're a risk. You have to look at it from that point of view.

And good for you, Anita, for doing your homework on it! I'd love to know what you decide on.

[UPDATE! 9/8/2011 Please see Dan Harris' response to this post here]

I Have an Odd Nerdy Sex Appeal

2011-04-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

BEST REVIEW EVER!

From http://observationnotes.blogspot.com/2011/04/observation-notes-haunting-of.html?spref=fb

Regarding performances, Lira Kellerman plays the wife, and while visually it was difficult to conceive of her as the mother of an adolescent girl, personality-wise she pulls it off well-enough and is effectively-believable as a nagging wife and mother. She weeps well, skulks better, and exudes an odd sort of sexiness, kind of like Velma from Scooby-Doo, but less-tangible, and kinda nerdier.

Best. Review. Ever.

I think I might have to make a widget with that line! Woot!

Double Your Prints, Double Your Fun!

2011-04-11T13:55:00.000-07:00

Just got an email from the lovely folks at RockYourHeadshot.com and I wanted to share the love! (Those of you who are outside of LA - They Ship! You can still get in on this deal!)

Having trouble reading? Click on the photo!

Hey guys! Mandy here, at Rock Your Headshot. Just wanted to let everyone know about a great promo we're doing right now...

For orders placed on Rock Your Headshot between April 11 and April 18, we will DOUBLE your headshot print quantity. (So if you order 50, you get 100. If you order 250, you get 500. Etc.) We've never done anything like this before, so I hope everyone takes advantage.

To get your double prints, just place your order like regular on Rock Your Headshot's Custom Order Form, and under "Special Instructions," type DOUBLE PRINTS PROMO. You'll receive twice as many prints as you order.

Holler if you have any questions!

Cheers,
Mandy
818.784.6333

Chores

2011-04-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

Do you ever sit around and waste time on your computer and gossip sites when you should be crossing off all those chores on your notepad that have been building up for the last few weeks?

In no particular order, today I must:

Do Laundry
Pick an outfit for tonight's rehearsal dinner and tomorrow's outdoor wedding. (not mine :)
Make the bed
Do the dishes
Vacuum!
Print my response cards
Go over my invitation layout and try finalizing it
Pay some bills
Go to the post office and pick up that package
Find people who want to take a free acting class
Go over the ceremony for tomorrow morning and write reminders to project and speak slowly
update website
update the other website
figure out why Blogger won't let me change templates
email the taco cart guy with a few questions
Get off this computer and actually do that stuff!

Happy Weekend everyone!

Free Class!

2011-04-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

I've just been told that the next Free Class is going to be Thursday, April 21st at 7pm!

If you have been searching for a class and not finding the one that's right for you, go to this one.

If you're working often and don't want to go to a class with people who are non-union and new to acting, go to this one.

If you don't do classes, go to this one to see how he works, and take privates with him.

If you only want to be coached when you have auditions, go to this one.

Best acting decision you'll ever make. Click the ad for details!

It Is A Small World

2011-04-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I get a lovely email from one of my readers (that'd be one of YOU guys!).

The other day, I got an email from John who recognized me in another actress's reel! He said he had been doing some research and came across her reel and checked it out, recognized me and laughed out loud. He sent me her link, and yup! There I was!

This is especially fantastic because I shot this commercial a year ago and although I've had a few friends tell me they had seen it recently, I still hadn't. I asked the actress, Trisha, if she could forward me the information of who to contact to get my own copy, but she did me one better and sent along the entire full commercial!

Also awesome - John had also seen me in the Haunting of Winchester House and said that a lot of his friends had worked for Asylum, the production company. On Haunting in particular, the sound guy Ben, was a friend of his.

How small is this world? I had worked with Ben at Cafe Tu Tu Tango a few years prior for a few years! I knew Ben very well and was very excited to see him on set!

Anyways, without further ado, here's the commercial!

How small is this world, really, you ask? The guy in the commercial is named Sean and we went to college together. The world really is tiny!

The Struggling Actress

Dear Struggling Actress

Easily Entertained

If You are Sag, Aftra, or Non-Union

How to Drive in the Rain in LA

Live Near Long Beach, CA?

Being Busy

Hopeful

Gifts for Actors

You Keep On

Limitless

The Haps

Perfect November Skies

Healing

.

Sixty-Six

Home At Last Premiere!

Fall Tv

"Does It Feel Different?"

Just a Quick Peek!

Reflecting

Pictures Making My Day

Wedding Hair Trial

Bear With Me

So We Will NOT Be Eating Spaghetti Squash Tonight

The Calm

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

A Response from Dan Harris

An Oldie But a Goodie

I'm still on vacation. Here's a post from April 2010. Enjoy!

I'm Talking to You, Tina Fey

A Pennington for Your Thoughts

Well, Well, Wellington

The Jaegermeister

Change Your Hair, Change Your Brand

Say Uncle

Away From It All

This. Is. THEE -TAAAAAA!

"Naked and Crazy:" True Stories from Meghan Gambling and Sascha Alexander

The Elephant Studio @ Elephant StagesLos Angeles, CA

Owning the Actress in the Struggling Actress

The Best Experience I Ever Had Whilst Naked

"Ethnics"

Losing or Winning: The Name Change Game

Selling It

It's Hollywood meets Groupon!

Dear Struggling Actress

Post Carmeggedon

Nope

Analyzing This

Dear Struggling Actress

My Piled Up Desk

Carmageddon

Crazy Couple of Days

How to Fish for Theatrical Representation

Post Wrap Blues

I Know People on TV

Post 500

Also, I found this, and think it's a good mantra to have. I printed mine out and am going to frame it in my office.

I am also obsessed with a song. It's two years old or so, but I've never been hip to the music scene. I just discovered it. Have a listen:

Please Unicorn, Please Unicorn, Please Unicorn, Eat Taco With Me!

Fun right?

And now that you're probably at the same part of the song that I was at when I was dancing by myself (cause sometimes, ya just gotta dance!) only to be surprised that my fiance was filming me. Of course I ham it up.

Have a wonderful week!

Peaks and Valleys

Missing in Action for Good Reason

Know This for Next Pilot Season

Falaroop!

Two Avails This Last Week

The State of Anxiety

Pilot Season 2011: The Aftermath

Model Open Call!

How to Walk Like a Model

Eff It, She Deserves It!

Tactics and Levels and Beats

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

I Wish I Was as Brilliant

Two Good Cries and a Laugh

Reminders

A Rose By Any Other Name

The Elephant Studio @ Elephant Stages
Los Angeles, CA