I got an email from one of my theatrical agents. An audition!!! My first since November! For the lead in an indie feature! I was super excited and confirmed my appointment right away.
Then I read the sides.
I reread the sides.
I read the sides once more.
They were bad. They were so bad.
I went back to the breakdown they sent along with the info and looked up the director, and casting director and my thoughts were confirmed; they were at the level I thought they would be.
I sent the sides to a good friend to see if maybe I was wrong; maybe the three pages I got were actually really GOOD and I was too stupid to see it.
She wrote back that I'm not dumb. That the sides were just that bad.
What do I do?!
Do I call up my reps and say "Thanks but no thanks"? Being ungrateful for an audition - for PASSING on an audition is grounds for dropping a client.
I called up my manager.
"I know I shouldn't be choosy, but...."
"I'll go ahead and cancel your appointment."
There was no admonishing! No scolding! No lecture about how I should be grateful for the audition and that I was being a diva without the career to back up such behavior.
I went on to my manager that although the sides were....difficult, I could find a way to make it work. But then, what if I BOOKED it? I can save three pages, but I can't save an entire script. Even Oscar winners can't make a difficult script work all the time. Ask Halle Berry about Catwoman. Ask Sandra Bullock about All About Steve.
This is the first time I have ever been able to say to my reps, hey, this isn't right for me, and for them to listen and say, "Great. Not a problem. We want you to let us know these things."
I have the power to say no to things that aren't right for me.
I'm passing on a project. I feel....in control. I'm in control of my career, with people who trust my judgement.
It feels pretty amazing. It feels good.