"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Difficult Decision

Over the last few months, I considered firing my theatrical agent.

I didn't because I LOVED my agent. He was so incredibly sweet, charming, he remembered my name and welcomed me with a hug whenever I dropped by the office to say hi.  This is a guy with some top tier talent, and yet would always take a few minutes to stop what he was doing and give me some face time to catch up.

I adored this guy.

But the agency wasn't getting me out.

Last November, I said to my agent, submit me for the small stuff - I want to work! I am not above co-star roles - but the problem was that even though I wasn't above it, the agency was. It was a waste of their time to submit me for anything smaller than a guest star role; they have a reputation in this town and they need to uphold it.

So I wasn't going out. Still.

And I haven't been able to financially contribute into my household like I thought I would be able to when I signed with them almost two years ago.

So I made the decision: I had to part ways.

I wanted to do it in person.

But I knew I would start crying. This relationship wasn't business; it was personal. He meant a lot to me - he believed in me at a time when no one else did.

I then wanted to do it over the phone.

But I just couldn't do that either.

So I wrote a letter, feeling like a coward, letting him know that it was time for me to see where other avenues could take me.

I've written drop letters before. I point out why I'm leaving in a robotic business style, devoid of any emotions or feelings.

This was not that.

I cried while writing it.

I mailed it on Tuesday.

Yesterday, I got a voicemail from him, and true to his character, he said that he had gotten my letter, that he was sorry that he couldn't do more for me, and that he wanted to wish me all the best at least over the phone, and to please call him.

So I did. He picked up immediately when his assistant told him I was on the line, and he continued to say nice things; that I have a huge talent, that things will happen for me, that he will always be a friend, that he will always answer my call, that his door will always be open.

I know there aren't many agents like him, and I wish I had a reason to stay with him - but at this time in my career, I was still too small for the agency.

It was a difficult decision, but I have to see what else is out there; I have to grow.

I might not have him as an agent anymore, but I do honestly believe that I will always have him as a friend. 

In this town, that's extremely rare.





5 comments:

  1. He sounds like a great guy, but you made a good move, so even though it was difficult, congrats! Onward and upward! I also just got rid of that commercial agent I had told you about...but I have absolutely no remorse for dropping that cold, unhelpful bitch. Shall be writing a blog about it soon, I'm sure!

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  2. Brave and clever! Hope you find the perfect new agency and get sent out heaps! Good luck xx

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  3. You went with your gut. I think that we cannot go wrong when we make those decisions. Eventually this person may be your agent again. You never know where your life and your career will take you. As you said, he is a great person. You didn't burn this bridge. You just walked over it and and told him that you needed to go in a different direction RIGHT NOW. I think it is just one more thing he can add to his list that he admires about you: that was very brave.

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  4. Do you have a new agent? Good job for sucking it up and going with your gut - and good luck!

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  5. I have to say, good on you for doing the right thing for you and your career. It's hard to step back sometimes and say, "Ok, I love it here, but this isn't working." And like you said, you've made a friend. A lasting one I am sure. It is rare in this business for anyone to go out of their way for someone else for little or no return. So I would count yourself so very lucky.

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Play nice.