Footloose

My mother is 5'2. My dad is 6 feet tall. I should have grown to be about 5'7 (missed that by 2 inches!) because of that. How do I know? Because I have giant feet and hands.

Seriously. My hands are not tiny. They're slender, sure, they're feminine, yeah, but they are long. "Piano hands,"* Dustin Diamond told me. Thanks, Screech!

And my feet are huge. I wear a 9 1/2.   5'10 models have this size shoe or SMALLER.
My mom wears a 7 1/2. So to put this in perspective, I was already borrowing her shoes when I was in fourth grade. Yes. At 8 years old, I had the same size shoe as my fully grown mother.

In seventh grade, I was a 9 1/2 and I pleaded to the heavens, PLEASE STOP LETTING MY FEET GROW! PAYLESS ONLY GOES UP TO 11!!! and thankfully, oh, thankfully, the heavens listened and intervened.

"It takes a bigger foundation to make a church than an outhouse," my dad quoted from his grandfather. And that's true...

But for my height, my feet are still big.

And apparently, they're also popular: http://www.wikifeet.com/Lira_Kellerman

Wikifeet.com is a Real site where random strangers on the internet can find photos of celebrities off google, myspace, or where ever and stare at their feet. It's "The collaborative celebrity-feet website."

Did you catch that part? Celebrity?  So what the heck am I doing there?

Should I tell them I'm not a celebrity?

Okay. Did you see the part where you can RATE the feet? 2 people have rated my feet as Ugly! My feet are not ugly! Go ahead and ask the other 2 people who have rated them as Beautiful! My feet average out!

I mean, come on. This is ridiculous and hysterical.

....I wonder if I should eff with the site and show pictures of me in fancy dresses biting my toenails. Or painting my feet to look like I got a bad case of the gangrene?

At any rate, if you want to feel famous, go ahead and upload some pictures of yourself being silly with your feet and tell all your friends to go the page and click "beautiful"!

And help a sister out over here too, yeah?
















* True story!