And last night I thought I was all zen about this upcoming audition too. Ugh. I'm feeling less spacy, but man, rough night, and I can't understand why.
I mean, not to trash myself or make me seem like I have no self-worth, but me booking this series regular role is a long shot. I know this. I am at peace with this! The producers are even looking at actresses in two different age ranges for the role.
And here's what I know.
Even if I DID book this pilot, great. We shoot the pilot. But there are so many things that could happen afterward - I could be replaced, the pilot could never get picked up, it could get picked up and then canceled after one airing....
What I really want to do is make an awesome impression to casting.
What I really want to do is not be nervous in the waiting room.
What I really want to do is size up the other actresses in the waiting room and agree, yup, I belong here and am just as thin/pretty/tall/talented/wonderful.
What I really want to do is audition for this part and know, YES, THIS IS THE LEVEL I SHOULD BE AUDITIONING AT.
Because I'm worthy.
I need to be myself, fun, charming, witty and relaxed. I just need to have fun with it. That's what I want to do: A fantastic job.
And to be able to pronounce Fluticasone Proprionate correctly.
and you guys, seriously: thank you so much for the well wishes. You have no idea what it means to me. Not only my friends, but strangers are wishing me luck and saying, "you can do this, I believe in you!" It's beyond what I ever expected. I hope I can return the feeling for all of you one day. It feels pretty freaking great.