This last week and a half has been incredibly difficult for me. I'm about to have a Pity Party, so put on your rattiest old jeans, the t-shirt you bought your junior year in high school from a thrift store and let's have a good nice cry about it so I can get it out and away from me and start focusing on the positive things, yeah? Okay!
- Didn't book the celeb gossip host gig where I'd also get to write copy for it. I really wanted that. Didn't get it. And ya'll know how I said I knew I was only going to get two takes at most and only ended up getting one? I KNEW that was a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, sign. Not wanting to go in for the close up? Really? If I was so wonderful, they would have gotten it. "One for safety," is a common saying even if you nail something. You get the perfect take and then you get another Just In Case. I didn't get it, and no amount of charm was going to save my butt. Manager found out I was their 6th choice out of 16 girls but that's very little consolation.
- Just found out from my commercial co-star that she was notified that she's been released from our fast food conflict hold. So: No residuals for us. No residuals. The money I've been hoping and counting on since APRIL isn't coming. Ever. My checking account balance no longer reads in numbers. Under "Balance" it shows a sad emoticon. I wish I was kidding. So long wedding budget. Goodbye. Ciao.
- The third part time job I want to pick up are full at all THREE locations. They like me enough and have told me to keep calling them after Thanksgiving. Okay. But waiting another week feels like a slow painful death. And my one part time job can't pay me until the second week of next month and the other can't pay til the 30th. Did you know that in LA County, technically your rent isn't late unless it's been received 5 days after it's due? I've become so adept at floating checks, I'm practically a magician.
- I haven't had an acting gig in a few months.
- The last two weeks have been audition free. And I'm freaking out.
Whew! Great! So glad that's over! Ick!
I feel so much better! Thank you for staying with me here. And now, the best kind of party of all - A Positive Party!
- Your support from my "didn't book that celeb hosting gig" post was really, really great. You guys helped me remember that although I didn't book the job, I did make a few a fan or two. Although it wasn't cast by a casting director or office - the producers of the segment brought us in- they know I exist. I might not have been right for this, but maybe I'll be right for something else I do. Make fans, right? That's our job. Thank you for reminding me.
- I no longer have any fast food conflicts! I can now audition for McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and even KFC all over again! Hurray! They have auditions for my category all the time and I usually do pretty well at those. They like my look and casting keeps bringing me in for them.
- What's more American than credit card debt? Oodles and oodles of credit card debt! I'm Giving Thanks for the roof over my head, this computer, our wireless router and my readers. Seriously. You guys are the best.
- My agents and manager keep insisting that I'm going to be very busy this pilot season. I don't know what "very busy" to them means, so I hope it's way more than I could ever hope for. I'm going to look forward to January and February. They believe in me.
- Not having to audition for anything in the last few weeks have given me ample time to go to the gym and organize some of the stuff in our apartment. I'm looking healthier! And so is our home!
See? Yay! YAY!!!!!!
I had a few "Is this it?" for me moments this week, holding a towel I wasn't sure I should keep or throw in. But the question of "What on Earth will I do Instead?" is so immediately terrifying and exhausting and it's like, if I DON'T continue, then I WON'T be using my degree (in Pretend)! I have to keep going! I have to!
And I have to find my side projects to help me keep my sanity in this crazy world. I found an old story I wrote and I want to expand it, so I'm bouncing around ideas on how to keep that going.
AND - even though I was edited out of my first SAG commercial, keeping me from getting residuals, and even though I was released from my second SAG commercial, keeping me from getting residuals, what are the chances the third commercial I book will have the same fate? Slim to none! And I got a great story for Leno one day about how the Struggling Actress really did live up to her name.
++ I gotta stay POSTIVE! ++