Was sent out for a non-union audition this Saturday morning at 10am. (that's a double Grr. 1. It's saturday. auditions should only be mon-fri. and they are if they pay well. 2. under compensation it didn't list an amount. it simply said, "generous." How much, people? I want to know exactly!)
Here's the role:
ELECTRONICS is looking for great women to be the face of their product. WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR AN ACTRESS THAT PLAYS THE PART BUT RATHER - she should have a legitimate passion and desire to discuss and teach others about technology. She must be warm, funny and engaging with tech and mobile phone savvy. THIS STARTS AS AN INTERNET PROJECT ONLY - can possibly go onto other media.
Well, guess who knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about technology? My phone is a dumbphone! There's no email! No nothing! I'm lucky I can even text with the darn thing.
So they ask me questions like, "Describe how you use technology."
I push buttons to get what I want.
The Star Trek of our youth is here.
I mean, come on! If something is wrong with my computer, I don't know how to fix it!!! I pout and use a high pitched helpless girl voice to have SOMEONE ELSE FIX IT FOR ME.
If you asked me how a dimmer works, I don't go on and on about the gating principal*! I say, "you just slide the button down on the switch."
So in the middle of me bullshitting the best to my abilities and failing terribly at it, I think to myself, you might as well say you don't know the science behind it, but you can describe it and sell it to the everygirl and everyboy.
But I didn't say that, because, it bears repeating on the breakdown: WE ARE NOT LOOKING FOR AN ACTRESS THAT PLAYS THE PART BUT RATHER - she should have a legitimate passion and desire to discuss and teach others about technology.
Yeah. I have probably never felt more idiotic, have never rambled on for so long in my life, and god bless the casting director, but she was nice enough to tell me that callbacks won't be until after the holiday.
Lady, I appreciate you telling me that, but we both know I capital F ailed that, so you didn't have to bother in order to make me feel better.
* I think it's called the gating principle. I can't remember. Tech theatre and Prof Dedoes was like (hack, cough!) over 12 months ago.