"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I just can't win.
An old classmate from kindergarten to sixth grade found me on facebook and we caught each other up. Talking about my mom makes me sad. Growing up, I was lucky enough to be showered with love by Cathy McCabe (an incredibly strong and loving woman who devoted her entire lifetime to children and had to return to do God's work up in heaven last year) and especially Sandy Jorgenson, a woman who calls me her second daughter and also had a mother with mental illness. Sandy proved to me my fears growing up were needless, as she was able to take herself and her young kids out of a very bad situation and raise them in a loving family of her own. She proved that just because my mom was sick didn't mean I was going to be sick too.
There's a lot of heartbreak in growing up with a person suffering from mental illness. It's a shameful thing no one talks about and the loved ones of those suffering feel so incredibly alone.
I sought out attention in the only ways I knew how, and although my mother had told me from the start that acting should only be a hobby for me, I have her to thank for my perseverance.
Why DO I act? It's a repeat, but it's a good one.
Now, please pass the Midol.
image from maryvancenc.com
at 12:36 PM