I Don't Know!!

What is the most annoying and frustrating thing about being a struggling actress? The fact that I just NEVER know. I never know! I exited my car today after my agency commercial dept audition and wondered what I'd write about. And all I can think to write about is that actors have to constantly deal with the unknown in their lives. Will I ever be able to afford a house? Will I ever have insurance through the union? Will I ever be able to start saving for my retirement, when I can sometimes barely make rent?

In other jobs, you start at the bottom and work your way up. That's the way the world works. But for actors, there is no mail room. There is no ladder to climb. One day you're waiting tables, the next, your agent is negotiating six figures. It is a crazy, crazy life. You can make a year's salary, a Good salary with just a few booked commercials! But WILL you book them this year? Will you book them next year? Will you ever book them?

One has to be crazy to want to live this way. For instance, last year, based on my own submissions, I was booking once a month. 4-8 audtitions/month and I book one of them? Not too shabby! And then this year rolls around, with all the crap it had stuck in its treads getting all over me, and I'm lucky, LUCKY to get one audition a week. That I myself got. Agent? Hello? Where are you?

It's so frustrating! It's hard! But at the end of the day, I am what I am - a storyteller. Either by writing (which, yes I need to do more of) or by acting out others' words, I am an artist who MUST tell stories. It's in my blood, my marrow, my DNA.

And crazy runs in my matriarchal line, so continuing to pursue this type of lifestyle on the off chance that I will be one of the few successful, kinda makes sense. I truly am insane.