"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

4 Hours of Sleep

And last night I thought I was all zen about this upcoming audition too. Ugh. I'm feeling less spacy, but man, rough night, and I can't understand why.

I mean, not to trash myself or make me seem like I have no self-worth, but me booking this series regular role is a long shot. I know this. I am at peace with this! The producers are even looking at actresses in two different age ranges for the role.

And here's what I know.

Even if I DID book this pilot, great. We shoot the pilot. But there are so many things that could happen afterward - I could be replaced, the pilot could never get picked up, it could get picked up and then canceled after one airing....

What I really want to do is make an awesome impression to casting.

What I really want to do is not be nervous in the waiting room.

What I really want to do is size up the other actresses in the waiting room and agree, yup, I belong here and am just as thin/pretty/tall/talented/wonderful.

What I really want to do is audition for this part and know, YES, THIS IS THE LEVEL I SHOULD BE AUDITIONING AT.

Because I'm worthy.

I need to be myself, fun, charming, witty and relaxed. I just need to have fun with it. That's what I want to do: A fantastic job.

And to be able to pronounce Fluticasone Proprionate correctly.

and you guys, seriously: thank you so much for the well wishes. You have no idea what it means to me. Not only my friends, but strangers are wishing me luck and saying, "you can do this, I believe in you!" It's beyond what I ever expected. I hope I can return the feeling for all of you one day. It feels pretty freaking great.


  1. You'll do great and the casting people will love you! X

  2. Don't psyche yourself out, baby. Your agency wouldn't send you out if they didn't think you were worthy of being in that room with everyone else. Just remember to take it one step at at a time; do the audition that's in front of you, don't worry about the audition or callback after that. You don't win an obstacle course thinking about the obstacles after the obstacle that's right in front of you, do you?

    You are gorgeous, smart, sexy, hilarious, and talented as hell. Just go in there, be yourself, and focus on making friends instead of booking the job. We all KNOW you can do it.



  3. Embrace every single one of those "what I really want to do" and do them! You are worthy and you were called in because they also agree that you are worthy/pretty/talented, etc. so go in there tomorrow and show just how awesome you are! Relax and turn any nervous energy into positive energy and nail it! I'm sure that you will do well and then we can just hope that all the other pieces that are out of your hands will fall into place!


  4. Having read your comments, I have to say that everyone is right. So my comment is what she said. You are amazing. Don't forget it.

  5. Sending you love and care!!! You are wonderful.

  6. You will be amazing! After all, you wouldn't be auditioning at all if you didn't belong there!
    Also thanks for the info on your class tonight. I can't make it because I've got my fundamentals class, but please let me know next time, and especially any time in the new year, because my course schedule should be much much lighter then.


Play nice.