"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Sunday, December 19, 2010

And We're Back!

Google saw some "suspicious activity" going on in my accounts and I would have been able to fix it a lot sooner if I had known that Firefox is lame when it comes to automatically popping up a verification --- you know what? This is all boring. And I don't know the right technical words. Suffice it to say that I had an issue I didn't know was with my browser. Sort of. Kind of.


I was working for my friend Jen the other day and she is one of those crazy people who has like, an insane amount of holiday christmas music. You know how many hours of christmas music I have on my iTunes? None.


Really? Yes. I used to like it. Then I worked in the service industry for over a decade. Listening to that crap over and over and over again. Ask anyone in retail. We both feel the same way. It's awful! When it comes on the radio station, I IMMEDIATELY switch to anything else! Commercials? Yes! Sports Radio? Better than Santa Baby! Static from a Mexican station going in and out? YES, PLEASE!

In fact, there is only ONE song I only really like because it's mostly in Spanish and I made an effort to learn it and pronounce it correctly so I can sing along. And the singers sound so happy! And they say the same thing over and over again. For some reason, I can stand and sing along to Feliz Navidad!
It makes me feel like a muppet because I really, REALLY get into the "I want to wish you a merry christmas, from the bottom of my har-ar-art!"

And let's be honest, Christmas holidays used to really suck. It was cold outside and my family was all together. My brother EVERY year got into a huge stupid fight with us and I became one of those old ladies who hated Christmas and became depressed whenever it came near when I was only 12 years old.

In fact, when I spent Christmas for the first time with my fiance's family in 2007, I was surrounded by so much love, so much family, so much happiness, that I had whispered in his ear, "We are ONLY going to your family's house for Christmas," because my family is just way too stressful. Everyone is on edge. Our families are split up, my sister has to split her time between us and her kids' dad's side and I feel like visiting my family is way more fun when it's for a random weekend or someone's birthday. There's not much to do. At my future in-laws, there is SNOW (they get such a kick out of watching me stand in the street in my 37 layers watching the snow come down. But I only saw actual snowfall for the first time in my life 4 years ago, so it's still MAGIC to me (it's so quiet, too!)) And loads upon loads of cousins and aunts and uncles and cousins who aren't really cousins and aunts and uncles who aren't really aunts and uncles come to dinner and it's 102 people around a dinner table with food, food, food and everyone is yelling in italian (one doesn't speak italian, one yells it!) and there is so much laughter! I yell "Buon Natale!" like a slightly retarded three year old and everyone yells it right back, but even louder and it is the best time.

But it's not what I grew up with. I have only come across ONE christmas song that shows how I really feel around the holidays when I have to go back home. I know others can relate.

So here it is, for your enjoyment. Imogen Heaps's "Just for Now." I LOVE the last bit of it. So true.


  1. Happy Italian Christmas then, without the music but with a ton of snow!

  2. I'm obviously catching up on my reader and commenting away....

    I hear ya when it comes to christmas songs. The only one I can stomach is John Lennon's Christmas Song because I'm a Beatlaniac.

    But I will say, I grew up i snow, moved away from it a bit, but have been back in the snow filled NorthEast for the last 7 years and it's STILL magic. I LOVE snow. LOVE IT.

    Happy Christmas.


Play nice.