"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Sunday, January 20, 2013


The car accident wasn't my fault, however, I feel an immense amount of guilt about it because nothing is getting resolved. The driver who hit me, as of Friday, (so day 5 after the accident) still hasn't returned or called his claims rep, and is not answering their calls. As much as I would love to give him the benefit of the doubt - I can't. He is screwing me over. I cannot get any money for my totaled vehicle until he makes contact with his insurance and gives his side of the story.

So the guilt - yes. I feel guilty because I can't fix the above problem, can't get money for the down payment of a new car for me, and I feel like all of this means I somehow I failed my husband, failed our partnership. I said no to collision when we were getting insurance together and trying to lower the costs. Something I had NEVER been comfortable with. The last two months, I kept reminding myself, remember when you get a new car, to add collision. add collision. I heard that voice. I ignored it. Tried to wait it out. Finally, finally, we had a little bit of savings, and we were going to spend that on plane tickets to visit his family for his Dad's 70th birthday. But I need a car and we do not have the money to purchase one. If I had collision, I would have been paid out immediately, and then my insurance would deal with all this without me. Instead,

Everything is still on hold. Everything.

Of course, if you asked my husband how I'm doing, he'd probably beam and say, "She's handling this very well! You should see her! She's so on top of everything! She's making calls and seeing what our options are."

The only problem is, of course, we don't have any options.

Not until that other driver calls his insurance and says, "Yes, I was driving that car."

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what I can do.

I have never felt so helpless.


  1. Oh Lira! I'm just catching up on your blog and am so sorry hear about the collision and the mess it's made of things. That you didn't get hurt is the most important thing and I'm sure for your hubby that's all that matters! You're alive, you're well and you will survive the insurance chaos. Do forgive yourself. You're not clairvoyant and have already learned from the experience. There's no use in beating yourself up over a situation you have no control over. I know how hard it is to let go and just breathe when situations get hairy financially, especially when you work in an industry like ours. But you have to. As dire as the situation seems right now, really you have so much good in your life - all of which you deserve. So, as my friend would say, 'Surrender to abundance.' Let the universe take care of the rest. You've done what you can, now give yourself a break. Hold your hubby tight and know that things will turn out just fine in the end. Lots of love and light. xxA

    1. Oh Anita!

      Thank you. These are words I definitely needed to read today. You are so lovely.


  2. Where is the totaled car? Who has possession of it? Did you surrender the pink slip to someone? Did you sign over the pink slip to someone? I'm not sure how it works, but a totaled car is worth something to someone - it is usually sold for scrap, you should at least get some money for it.
    But, Anita has the right comment - as long as you are not injured. You were not totaled.

    1. Yup. Just sold the totaled mess to a salvage yard. At least it's Something.

      I love that, by the way, because you're so right. / was not totaled!

  3. The owner of the other car isn't responsible if someone else was driving it??

    1. No, I believe the CAR is insured, no matter who is driving it, however, if the driver who does not own the car has better coverage on their own policy, they might go through that. But don't quote me.

  4. Lira,

    I am a first time reader to this blog. I can tell by looking through your archive that you are a really good person. I guarantee your husband is just so happy you aren't hurt.

    Please be kind to yourself.


  5. Hello Lira,

    I came across your blog by researching none other than the Michael Zanuck Agency – I actually submitted my headshot to The Apple Talent Group less than two weeks ago, so I was a bit skeptical about receiving a phone call this morning.

    I will say that after reading your post, and several others, that I will refrain from attending an appointment all the way in Agoura Hills. But as I was browsing through your blog and stumbled across this post -- I wanted to extend my heartfelt concerns, that everything turned out well for you. My profession by day is working for a major insurance company, so this post really resonated with me. I’m sending you and your family many blessings! Xo


  6. What's having to pay for insurance, repairs or a new car compared to the price of life? I'm pretty sure that's what your husband thought throughout this ordeal. Just take the lessons from this incident, Kira. I hope that things did get settled and everything's better all around. Thanks for sharing!

  7. “Everything is still on hold.” - This is really frustrating, but despite the adversity, you were truly handling things well. Another year is a few days away. I hope you've already received the compensation you deserve. If you still haven't, I suggest you consult a car accident lawyer to help you get in touch with the other driver and see to it that he makes the necessary actions in contacting his insurance to pay for the damages he did to your car.

    Lance @ YoudLaw.com


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