"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Friday, January 14, 2011


The fiance and I are hosting a party this weekend, and we're kinda sorting dressing up and I'm kinda sorta getting my hair done. Because our wedding is going to be the tiniest one you ever did see, we wanted to celebrate our happiness with a get together of a few friends to say, love you, wish we could have you be at our wedding, here's some cheese, crackers, wine, beer, and lots of sweet treats to hopefully show you how awesome you are and how much we like ya!

I used Evite for the first time.

I do not like it.

Have you used it? Don't get me wrong, their interface is super easy, they guide you through it, you can modify and add things and people BUT

They also tell you who viewed it and never responded.

You know who's 5?

This girl.

For some reason, I take it personally! And I have no reason to! Perhaps you're busy, perhaps I forgot you moved, or perhaps, you hate my face! Oh god, you hate my face, don't you! You didn't respond so you MUST hate my face!

And you know what is the most ridiculous thing about it?

I ALSO VIEW EVITES AND NEVER RESPOND! I'd show up, but I usually never responded.

My own medicine is bitter indeed.

But WHY do I get into kindergarten mode and take everything so personally? I mean, yeesh, I don't want to be that girl! Where does this insecurity come from?

Is it because I don't really like parties? I like people, I like my friends, I like food and beverages! But parties....I have so much trouble relaxing into them, especially when I host. I have to make sure everyone has something to drink, that everyone is eating, that the food is being replenished. DID I MAKE ENOUGH FOOD? Are people ENJOYING IT?


Hosting a party is like being the lead in a play, except I DON'T KNOW MY LINES! I don't know what the story is, what's going on, and it would be really nice to friggin know!

I'm trying to think up a few breathing excercises to calm myself down, but it's hard to calm down when we also still have SO MUCH CLEANING TO DO.

Add to the mix that I'm also on call at work, so I don't know if I'm going in or not, and voila: MESS.

Okay. Got to go dust the bathroom.

Have a stress free weekend, ya'll!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Play nice.