"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Monday, June 14, 2010

Some Other Things

Sometimes I look at this blog and think, How Boring! How can anyone be so interested in all this acting stuff I'm doing? I sometimes find my own writing boring. How can this be entertaining to others?

So, here's some other things I'm thinking about in life.:

My guy.
I love my boyfriend. So much, in fact, that sometimes I want to throw up in my mouth a little bit when I think about him. When I first brought him home to meet my family, my sister's then husband told their 2 year old son and daughter to call him "Uncle Anthony." Now, our family is rather small and my parents didn't really have friends due to my mother's very erratic behavior, so the name Uncle was reserved only for the men who married our parents' sisters. (I have no uncles related to me by blood!) Instructing their kids to give Anthony the name Uncle as a show of respect and familiarity seemed so incredibly sweet to me. The kids turn 7 on the 30th this month, and it struck me that they have only known Anthony as Uncle Anthony. I love that. No matter what, they have grown up knowing that Auntie Lira will most likely visit with Uncle Anthony in tow, and for some reason, that fills my heart with happiness. The few times I have visited without him, they were always quick to ask where he was. We are understood to be couple. A unit. He and I are a team, and yet more. We are our own 2 person family. That makes me happy.

My sister.
She is quitting cigarettes! She's been smoking since before she could legally buy them, and right now she is on day 10 without them. I am proud and keeping my fingers crossed that this time will be the end of nicotine forever!

My dad.
I get the feeling he's depressed. My sister and her two kids moved out of the house and he's feeling empty nest syndrome again. I thought my dad was a guy who was born to have kids, but it turns out that instead, he was a guy born to have grandchildren. I know he misses them. His last contract just ended so he's also looking for work. I hope he gets an Android job he wants. (There's this saying, "You know you're from Fremont..." and one of them was "when you know your parents work in computers, but aren't sure what they do." So true. )

My mom.
My mom's sister, my aunt, is passing the Conservatorship torch to me. What is a conservator?

Function: noun
1 : a person, official, or institution appointed by a court to take over and manage the estate of an incompetent.
My mother is unable to care for herself or her estate (money, property, etc) and we are going forward with having my aunt get the proper legal papers started so that she can retire and I can legally take care and responsibility of Mom. I'm nervous, I admit. My aunt lives in LA and is going to be available to me for any questions, help, etc, so really, it's not going to be difficult, but I'm nervous none the less. Sometimes I feel like I'm not capable of taking care of her, as I know nothing of the adult world stuff like Social Security (which she'll qualify for this year) and Medicare (ditto) and whatever else, but my aunt has done a fantastic job this last year of making sure all this stuff was in order for her so that this transition would be very easy for me. I think, what I'm really scared of, is that now that I'll be in charge of her, something will *magically* change and I'll somehow have the mothering mother I never had and always wanted. That the Conservatorship Fairy will make my mom better. Ugh, I don't know. I just have to remember that my mom isn't a mom - she's an incompetent; she is the same person, our relationship won't change, and that no matter what, I'm going to be okay.
I filled out some paperwork today to apply for a bond, which is step number 1. It's happening.

I want to make a sock puppet. I've been practicing talking with my mouth closed and learned the other day that everyone does NOT do this like I thought. Why not?

 And doesn't this look fun to make?

Burning Man
This one in a lifetime event that happens every year is something I've been thinking about every day. I'd like to have a few guest bloggers entertain ya'll while I'm gone, so Ashley, Sarah, Tracy, and Robin, I'd love to have you if you're interested.

The Gym
Why haven't I found the motivation to go lately?

I really want fence-net (think fishnet, but way bigger) stockings, but then I saw these
which are faux fishnet and faux garter! They're screenprinted on pantyhose! I want! You want? You can get them too! We'll be twins!

And that's what's been going on in my brain lately.


  1. I would be honored to guest post!!!!

  2. Im a fan of your blog...I'm from DC and know nothing about the LA scene, so I think its really interesting. Keep writing!

  3. I was happily reading along and got to the guest blog and my mouth dropped open. Then I thought, "She must mean another Robin, so I clicked the link. It took me to my page! I about fell over in shock!" Oh my gosh! This is super awesome. A hundred times yes. I've never guest blogged before. It's a virgin experience. You know you don't get many of those the older you get. Seriously coooooool.


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