"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm Angry

Can you tell?

I'm stagnant, I'm bitter, I've got no motion in my ocean, and a lot of the blame needs to be put on myself. I could be doing more.

I should be doing more.

And so I read the Actors Access breakdowns and yet continue to grow angry. And angrier.

I should be making more money acting. Oh fuck, I should be making ANY money at all, but still Nothing this year. Nothing. Nada.

And then I read this blog post from Actor With a Chip, and I feel better. I feel better. Because it's not just me. It's everybody. It's the whole business model and what's happened, what's happening.

The Struggling Actresses in LA are not alone. We're surrounded by all the other 20-33 year old  actresses who are also still struggling, and Actor With a Chip  believes, "the current crop of 20-33 year old actors are in for a very long winter. And I think most of them will drop out in short order."

It's a long winter. That's okay. I'm here. I'm not stopping. I will still be here when no one else is.

In the meantime, I will keep on studying in class, keep on writing, keep on creating content. And I will still be here.

I will still be here.


  1. That's the key, you'll still be there. When I hit these spots...which happens way more often than I'd prefer, I just tell myself that I might not have booked anything, but I know I've been seen by some fairly important people who have given me amazing feedback. So perhaps I'm on their radar.

    It works for me.

  2. You've had some great auditions, it's just going in cycles in terms of getting out. You will get out again and you will rock it.

    PS Chip is an angry stress machine (who has some valid points mixed with a lot of rage and stress.)

  3. Patrick, I like that. You're right. I need to remember that.

    Zuri - Thank you. sometimes I forget it's cyclical. And to be honest, I don't know if Chip is an angry stress machine as much as he is a realist who understands the business better than we do. Yes, we struggling actresses have to stay positive, but sometimes that's exhausting. It's nice to have someone say, "Hey, it's fucked up. And it sucks monkey balls." as opposed to "It's slow." One feels like it's not my fault, and the other feels like it is. Strange, I know.

  4. Who knows which one is right or wrong he has a totally different perspective than us and it's easy for the veteran to think the next generation's all screwed up....Gene Hackman, Dustin Hoffman and Robert Duvall all thought they weren't going to make it.

  5. Keep doing what you're doing. The only thing we can do, is stick around or run. I'm glad you're sticking around. Every success story has this precise moment.

  6. I've been at this for 13 years now, I'm 32, an aging ingenue type... How old were Hackman and Hoffman and Duvall when they got a real break, and they're guys. It feels so hopeless. I have wanted to be an actress since I was 12, but at a certain point it feels like I'm being delusional. I feel like unless you move to Hollywood straight out of high school you're screwed.

  7. No, Anon, you're screwed unless you were born into it. ;)

    But seriously, I'll say what you've heard before: if there's anything else you would rather do, then DO IT. But, there isn't anything else you'd rather do, is there? So gather your cheerleaders and tell them you need some cheering. You'll get it. And you'll hang in there. And then you'll feel amazing and thankful all over again.

    We aging ingenues are turning into moms, and there's a lot of commercials featuring moms. The work opportunities will still be available.

    Hang in there.


Play nice.