I Have A World Premiere To Go To!

Or at least, I did, back in July, and when I looked at my closet, I realized that 1) no one really needs 14 Old Navy tank tops in various colors. and 2) I really don't know how to dress myself. Finally, I learned that 3) I can indeed have panic attacks.

Now, I'm no fashion icon, but I did have a subscription to InStyle back in the day. And I do watch Project Runway as much as I can, even though I seem to like the designer who never wins. Ever. But having that magazine subscription for clothes I could never even hope to ever afford made me think I knew something about clothes. Like how to find stuff that looked good on me. But clearly, I had only found one thing that looked good on me, and bought it. Fourteen times.

Then I met Christina DeAntonis. She was the Wardrobe Stylist for the web series I did last summer. I played a goth character.

Christina is kind of a big deal in the fashion world. She has a rep with all the hottest PR companies and even just pulled wardrobe for the Jonas Brothers. And there she was, dressing me! And not with Hot Topic crap, oh no. Christina knew my character was not a sullen 14 year old but a lost 24 year old goth queen. So what did I get to wear?

COUTURE!

I was in $400-$700 one of a kind pieces! I looked awesome!

And Christina, or Chris, as she likes to be called, is as sweet as sweet can be. She's Italian and can cook a great pasta sauce and make the pasta from scratch. She's amazing.

So of course I got all her information from the shoot in case I ever, you know, needed a stylist.

And before I knew it, I did!

She came over with several different outfits for me to try (um, that's right, she came TO ME) with a huge bag of accessories. Unbelievable. And she pulls this slinky $500 ugly floppy mess out for me to model for her.

Uh. Really? I asked her.
She flashed her pearly whites.
Okay, I said. Cause I had already showed her that I was a lost cause with my 14 Old Navy tank tops. What the hell did I have to lose, right?

I put it on.

I am Hip Indie Star. Which is great, cause I was going to Hip Indie Film Fest. I looked in the mirror. The dress hugged my curves and made me look grown up and sophisticated and edgy at the same time. I closed my mouth so not to drool on the dress.

How did you DO that?! I asked her. How did you know this dress would look so amazing on me, when it looks like balls on the hanger?!

She laughed and then opened up her huge bag of accessories and I was then adorned with earrings, bracelets, AND shoes that she picked out for me, which I paid her for and got to keep.

I looked gorgeous on premiere night. I was the hottest thing you ever saw. And when I got my invoice from Chris, I called her up to double check, as I was pretty sure she forgot to charge me for something. She didn't, she swore.

Red carpet events, photoshoots, whatever, AND she can even go with you on a shopping spree if you need to update your wardrobe; she'll pull all your clothes for you and find what works for you and your body and your style.

I totally reccomend her. Miss Chris DeAntonis

She Makes You Want to Eat Chips

My friend Tracy, who is NOT a struggling actress, who's the lead in Hell Froze Over, has also made you want to eat Tostitos during the Super Bowl, and made you want to buy diamonds for your significant other for both Christmas AND Valentine's Day, also writes a blog. She has been successful enough to even be flown over to New York to shoot part of her series. Ask me if I'm jealous. Not one bit. I am PROUD. I have known Tracy since Intro to Philosophy back in school, (see, actresses can be smart....taking a religion 201 class) and I have seen Tracy grow and grow and write and write and grow and write and...we even wrote our own show back in school and sold out all four nights and turned people away - a Chapman first!

At any rate, I love her writing. She's even writing a screenplay! But she also has a very fun blog called "Latin She Once Translated For Me But I Forgot." But knowing Tracy, it's probably about how everything turns into chaos.

I want to live in New York for two years. At least two years. Enough to get to feel like a New Yorker and know all the boroughs and subways and cool hole in the walls to eat. My grandmother was born in New York City in 1920, the first American daughter of immigrant parents, and my mother was also born and raised in the city. I have a maternal connection to New York. And I visited for a few days and was just struck by how wondrous it was. It was also snowing, and I was staying at Le Meridian, so the experience was incredibly glamorous. It was otherwordly. It was New York.

Tracy has been to New York countless times. Although, I believe, if she could, she'd rather live in London, but NY is a third home to her.

And NY and LA are so completely different in the acting world. LA is about who you know and how you look, NY is about being professional and being who you are.

Read Tracy's blog. She knows a lot of big words. You'll feel smarter and more worldly.

This, THIS is How You Do It

Julian Smith is not struggling. Watch his "25 Things I Hate About Facebook," then his, "Get Your Own iPhone." YouTube loves this guy so much they made him a partner. I sent him an email offering my actressing services. We'll see if he bites, but regardless, Go Julian! Show us the way to creative freelance happiness - show us how not to struggle.

Strike!

I would've joined the Screen Actors Guild already if they hadn't been bordering on a strike for the last year and a half.
So since I'm non-union, I don't have a voice. But if you are SAG, and you vote, please vote to strike. Our (your) New Media contract right now is a huge joke, and our (your) New Media is going to blow up in the next year, I mean, seriously, it's going to explode and send shrapnel into our eyes so that the only types of tv we can watch is online cause it doesn't hurt our retinas like that old timey television does. Just read and be aware. It's not New Media, it's Now Media

My New Famous BFF Amy Paffrath

Oh man, oh man, oh man, I'm still excited!

SO! I was at the audition for the series lead role of "Heather," and if you've never been to an audition, the first thing you do is pick a chair to sit in and go over your sides. And when you look at people, you really look at their shoes first.

Well, an unbelievably cute pair of purple suede boots sits next to me. I glance up higher, and the shoes compliment a yellow top. Those of you who know your color wheels, it sounds terrible, but just compliment each other beautifully. Top that with a celebrity and whoa! Amy Paffrath!

I know, right?

Well, one day I was perusing Craig's List (Oh CL, the website I hate to love) and I saw some spam posting about the cable channel E! auditioning for their new E! News Online Host by a contest where you had to send in a video and have people vote for you. Okay, people, that's all crap. They will never hire you like that. BUT, I had an in! G4, (I believe an E! subsidiary, but don't quote me) has called me in four times to work for them in funny little sketches, and the two networks are in the same building. I emailed the producer who kept bringing me in and said, hey, I know this isn't even your jurisdiction or channel, for that matter, but I heard they're going to be hiring new hosts at E! Is this true? He was such a dear and checked it out for me and got me the name and number of the person's assistant I needed to get ahold of. All of a sudden, I had an audition to be an E! News Now host! Oh, the glamour of it all! But I needed to research!

So I hopped on E.com and finally found the perfect person to study: Amy Paffrath. And man, did I study her! I studied her voice, her inflections, everything. She's pretty amazing. See?
And once I got to the E! waiting room to sign in for the host audition, I found out that the assistant actually gave me the wrong day to go. After all the sleuthing, after all the homework! I was so incredibly sad. But I figured, well, if I ever get a hosting audition to come my way ever again, I was now studied up and ready to go all Amy Paffrath on it.

So there is Miss Purple Suede Boots Paffrath sitting right next to me! Of course I gush; she was my hosting teacher and she had no idea! After I calmed down enough to sound relatively normal, we started talking about the audition. I was reading for Heather, she was reading for Tristan, the antagonist. A few minutes later, after we had settled down and were going over our sides again, in our own worlds, another actress sat down next to us and asked if we were friends. "Oh, no..." I said, about to explain, but Amy Paffrath cuts me off, saying "Yes we are!" And I'm sure she said it with glee and happiness in her voice. Cause that's how I heard it. The words sparkled coming out of her mouth. Glitter flashed its way down into my hair.
Amy also told me that apparently (shhh!) one of the other E! hosts may be leaving soon, and she would let me know if and when they'll have auditions again. (!!!!!)

So yeah. Me and Amy Paffrath are total BFFs.

( Oh my god. You are so green with envy! )

Sooooo...... the audition:
I absolutely love it when I can hear other actresses doing their auditions. Because it's really interesting to see what words the other people play up, how they sound and where they put their emotions, and whether or not an actress is still sounding like an actress reading lines or like a character talking about her life.

I was nervous. I never get nervous! But there were SO many beautiful tall young girls there. It's intimidating. And I always feel like I'm not stylish or trendy enough. (Amy Paffrath complimented my tights! Thanks AshBryHo!)

But anyways, here's an audition trick I've only recently learned: Do all your improv the night before. Find the funny, put the funny in, and then at the audition, ask if they're open to improv, and do it. Way easier to sound clever and on the spot.
So I asked, hey, are you open to improvising? And when they said yes, I thought, yay!

Casting directors, and in this case, the director/producer/writer herself, hear their same lines said over and over again for 8 hours. And if you can make them laugh with the same material they've already heard for half the day, it's a great feeling. And everyone was laughing.
I wasn't given any adjustments (a double edged sword; I was either so bad they didn't want to bother, or I was spot on and they saw enough....) but I was told to try reading the antagonist's sides. So sure! I went from happy optimistic lead, to snarky bitchy antagonist. Nice polar opposites to show off my chops, I thought. And again, no adjustments. They thanked me with big smiles.

So I was done. I felt great. I was able to take the sides I was given and give a great performance that felt far more series ready than any of the other auditioners I eavesdropped on. And yes, I sound like a huge bitch, but with all the rejection an actress faces, we have to celebrate the good feelings and let it power us through to the next job, because the jobs are always far between.

And yes, I've had great auditions before where I made the directors and writers laugh and never heard so much as a callback. (Chris Hampel: what gives?) So who knows. I could've sucked hard.

But whatever - that's what we actresses say! Usually because our vocabulary is severely limited unless we're using other people's words....but we just have to keep on focusing on how great we felt in the moment while we were auditiong and let it go.

Even if I do now have daydreams about me and New BFF Amy Paffrath going out for frozen yogurt after our long day on set together as best frenemies.

update: I JUST found this: the rerelease for "Heather"

[ HEATHER ]
LEAD. AGE 18-21 Years Old NO OLDER

hee hee hee! Never mind! I guess I look too old! They asked for early 20s in the original breakdown....Hmmmm..... Perhaps I can no longer get away with playing 22.

It's Official: Dropping the Agent

I was at an Oscar Party presented by the Talent Manager's association when I met an agent who wanted to meet with me to discuss commercial representation. He was excited about me. And that's really great. Stroke my ego. I'm an actress. I love it.
Wait, did I say actress? I meant waitress...
Anyhoo, so I just got off the phone with my manager and we decided to drop my current representation to go with this new guy.
Now, where I was before: The CEO is a great guy, he was extremely excited about me. But unfortunately, that just didn't translate to me getting any auditions. In fact, his underlings, who were submitting me, never met me. When I was at the Oscar party, I had no idea who they were, and I'm pretty sure it was mutual. That's not great. What IS weird, is that the commercial agent was talking to my manager going on about how they love so and so, and so and so, and how they really like me. REALLY like me. When my manager asked why he liked me so much, he responded that I've got a great look, and so many pictures. So when my manager pointed out to him that I've only had one theatrical audition from him, the guy was surprised. When he said that it was another agent who submits me for theatrical, and that he only submits me for commercials, my manager must have lifted an eyebrow when she told him, oh, well, isn't that interesting, as she has not had ANY single commercial auditions since she signed with you in July.

I love my manager.

And she works hard. There is this thing called a "Submission Report" that is automatically done every month with the program the agents use to submit their clients. An agent can scroll through each client individually and see how many times they were submitted, out of those, how many auditions they had, how many callbacks and how many bookings.
When my manager asked for my submission report after a few months of no auditions, the agency was...slow in getting them to her. She had to wait two months to receive a report on one of her clients who actually has some amazing credits and is probably going to be pretty big by the end of this year. How many times did they submit her? 14. And this is a gorgeous, toned blond. She should be submitted about 140 times a week. At least.
And she was never given my submission report. Hmmm....
And I still haven't mentioned how hard it was to get a hold of CEO agent. And my manager, who is extreeemely patient, well, I inferred she was upset by it. I knew I was.

But this new guy: He told me that I could get a hold of him 24/7 if I needed to. And he's small. Have I mentioned my credits? No? Probably because I don't really have any.
Okay, that's a lie. To my friends and family (Hi Dad!) I have quite the impressive list. And I've been on tv several times. On cable channels you might have even heard of. But to the Industry, I'm a joke. I know this, I get it. I'm also not even Sag! Wow. I can hear you laughing. But I'm Aftra! Wow. Are you choking? Are you okay? Breathe! Breathe!

Yeah, so I get it. I need a small boutique agency who "gets" me. When me and soon to be new agent were in our meeting and going over my acting reel, he kept complimenting my work. That was nice. And he loved my headshots. Loved Loved Loved. And if you remember, I take great pictures. Not only have I been featured on Chris Sista's website, but I have also been featured on LuckyShotsphoto.com as well as on LauraBurkephotography.com, as well as her postcard flyer. I am a MODEL, goddamnit! I'm pretty! And photoshop makes me even prettier! (I love you CS3!) So it's exciting to me that I'm going to be with an agent who is working hard and who is excited about me, and who is excited enough to know and remember who I am.

Let's all get excited with me and cross our fingers. I could use me some auditions. And it's not like I think small, people. When I hear other actors say, "oh, I only need to book just one commercial," fuck that. I needs to book me a CAMPAIGN. That's my goal: to have so much effing money from my commercial campaign that I can pay off all student loans (did I mention I got my degree in pretend? and my minor in making up stories?) and actually help my family out a bit. I've put a lot of pressure on myself.

We're kinda in a recession. Have you noticed?

Be America's Next Top Model

I am obsessed with America's Next Top Model. I think I only missed one cycle, but saw the whole season in only a few hours, thanks to the never ending marathons on Bravo, MTV and VH-1.

The next cycle, lucky cycle 13, apparently needs to boost its ratings, so they are switching things up! Before, one had to be at leasat 5'7, but THIS year, that is the cap! All you fly shorties, there is an audition near you! You must be at 18-27, but really, when Paulina complains that 23 is ancient, you might not want to bother if you can buy alcohol.

When Hell Freezes Over

My friend Tracy is NOT a struggling actress. She is the star of a web series that follows her character Jody as she goes back and dates every single guy she ever rejected. It is hilarious! And there is a new episode every Monday. Like Today! It is awesome. Please watch.

The Hills

Lauren: Banal piece of information.
Lo: Repeating of banal piece of information.
Lauren: In Agreement of original banal piece of information.
indie music plays.

Oooh! An Audition!

Self submitted, of course.

It's for a web-series that has a cameo by Sean Young. Fun, right? I am auditioning for the role of Heather:

Ingénue Leading Lady. Early 20s a European beauty She used to be in a Dramatic reality show like "The Hills" until she crashed and burned. She is the eternal optimist and is making her comeback with her own reality show. During her hiatus, she went back to her roots of Fashion Design World. Heather Returns to designing a line of clothing embracing "recession chic." Cool, sexy, eco friendly clothes. That is affordable to everyone. She's funny, honest, charming, inspiring and imaginative. Extremely attractive, consider to be a looker who is full of quirkiness. We are SEEKING: a strong young actress, who can launch a New Series, via this Pilot. Good-Credits-Great Looks-Good in COMEDY!. Think: Young Kate Winslett, Jessica Alba, (Pretty) Ellen Page, Katie Holmes, Angeline Jolie. LEAD

Two things about the description make me nervous: 1) Early 20s. and 2) I don't like it when they put down a laundry list of actresses they're looking for. What it really means is that they don't really know what they want, but they'll know it when they see it. What does that mean? Well, to get all 2002, it means you gotta go balls out.

The sides are a bit tricky as they want me to break the flow of the scene to say the Voice Over lines that has the character commenting on what is going on in the current scene. Do you follow that? It goes something like this:

Current real time scene- Future commentary- Current real time scene.

It makes it extremely difficult to go from the present to the future to the present while trying to react to what the person is saying while they're saying it and commenting about it from the future. It's all so existential! I mean, yeeesh. I got a degree in pretend, not time travel!

I also get to say half my lines to the camera directly, a la the Office confessionals.

So I'm just gonna go, try and figure out what the early 20 somethings wear nowadays, and go balls out. The audition is Tuesday. Oh, and I should probably watch an episode of The Hills for research. Jealous?