"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Monday, May 24, 2010

Actor Anxiety

We struggling actresses ride a high once we book something (Hooray! Our choices were great, our look is ideal, our bank account will have some more money!).

We ride a high when we read the script (I get to use my highlighter again! Such a fluorescent yellow! So great under a black light!).

We ride a high when on set. (I have a trailer! Look at all the food! People keep fetching me water!)

We ride a high when we're filming (I'm saying my line naturally! I remember my blocking! I know how to have my face to the camera at all times thanks to theater!)

We ride a high spending all the money we're going to make (I can finally pay off those headshots I paid for last August! Oooh! $20 shoes with my name on it! I can totally afford this tank top and pay for it in cash!).

We ride a high when regaling our fellow actors with our experience (The wardrobe was totally cute! The director was hilarious! I got to wear my own shoes which were comfortable and get the pay bump!)

We coast that high when blogging about it (I've said all this several times already. Why hasn't my check come yet?)

We are no longer riding a high a week later. (I really need to book another national commercial! Oh please, let me book something soon. WHERE IS MY NEXT JOB COMING FROM?)

We have to just go with the flow and understand that those highs and not so highs and lows are simply the life of a freelance artist.

This freelance artist had two auditions today, a booking for two weeks from now, and is going to be doing some promotional stills and interviews for the webseries I'm in this Thursday.

I'm not feeling anxious.

I'm feeling awesome.


  1. Um...

    That's because you ARE awesome.

    Every time I read your posts I have a big stupid grin plastered on my face for like a half an hour.

    Just thought you should know.

  2. Great that you're feeling awesome.

    And you make the whole freelance artist life sound hilrious. But sure, that's exactly how the actor life feels like!


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