"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Monday, May 23, 2011

The State of Anxiety

I was called on about noon last Thursday and told that I was on avail for a commercial, and although one should look at it as a lovely blessing, truly, it just makes me nervous and want to throw up. Am I going to book this thing or not?!

Still no call that I booked.

Now, I know they're shooting tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, and I figure I should be notified today by three if I'm going to be shooting tomorrow. I also know I could be called tomorrow to be told I am shooting Wednesday. I could also even be called as late as Wednesday to be told I'm shooting the next day. That would mean I've waited an entire week to be notified if I'm working. It kinda throws a wrench into my whole schedule.

And there's the butterflies. Their beautiful wings green like paper money. Just out of my grasp.



  1. Congratulations!!! Avail's a big deal (though a weird deal as well!)

  2. That state of anxiety, my passport contains a lot of stamps for that one...

    I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Lira!


  3. Congrats on the avail, sweetie. I know when I go through it it's pure misery too, so I won't pretend otherwise, especially when it comes down to money when finances are tight. But getting an avail is still pretty awesome :) (Says the girl whose agents forgot she exists.)


Play nice.