"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools

My parents are a wacky bunch (my dad misspelled my name, my mom had her own tarot card business) and when they decided to get hitched, they chose April 1st as their wedding date. Cute, right?

That's pretty much the only cute thing about April Fool's Day. 

Except, even Breakdowns has a sense of humor, as proved on the "real" casting breakdown posted today:

Thursday, Apr. 1, 2010, 10:30 AM PacificSTREEPTOPUS
Feature Film
SAG Ultra Ultra Low Budget

Director: Alan Smithee
Casting Director: Gill Bonnett
Start Date: 4/1/2010
Location: Raleigh NC, Chicago, Atlanta, Driftwood TX, Tulsa OK, Gold Beach, OR
Rate: Based on Client's Starmeter 

"MERYL STREEP": CAST (MERYL STREEP / MERYL STREEP'S STUNTWOMAN): Ms. Streep has agreed to star in this low budget classic to prove that a truly great Actress can shine in anything! We applaud Ms. Streep for her courage and fortitude.

NOTE: This project is being shot in the experimental 4D process that outshines anything 3D offers.

Sides are attached to SELECTED available roles, actors are encouraged to tape themselves and email scene to apfoo@breakdownservices.com for consideration.


A helicopter pilot, 40s, this rugged, world-weary, tough-minded mercenary aviator ferries Mixed Martial Artists to the island for their deadly battles; he's cold to Meryl Streep because he's still carrying a torch for Ethel Merman -- whom Meryl killed in the ring last year. After a giant octopus attacks the island, his core of inner bravery transcends his facade of cynicism, and he repeatedly risks his life to kill the spectacular tentacular monstrosity...LEAD; PROTOTYPE: Eric Roberts in Sardonic Good Guy Mode

40s, this billionaire villain has looted the hedge funds of his fellow plutocrats, and now lives in palatial seclusion on an island off North Korea with his feuding mistresses, Madonna and Lady Gaga. Convinced that no subpoena can touch him, he's the suavely duplicitous host of the Ultimate MMA contest -- but when the octopus attacks, he learns that in this world, no bloodsucker is safe...LEAD. PROTOTYPE: Eric Roberts in Slick Rich Asshole Mode. Must work with Brylcreem.

40s, this brilliant (but quite mad) scientist is a master of recombinant DNA, and has used his skills to reshape the bodies of a variety of Mixed Martial Artists into the spitting images of long-dead movie stars. Overly fond of old Warner Brothers classics, the twitchy, emotionally disturbed Neurotico has a little side experiment: creating the world's biggest octopus. Convinced that the coveted Nobel Prize for Mad Science is well within his grasp, Neurotico babbles and sneers as his monstrosity escapes from its too-small aquarium and grows to the size of the Chrysler Building...LEAD. PROTOTYPE: Have you figured out yet that we love Eric Roberts but he won't return our calls?

35 to 40, this remarkably gifted Mixed Martial Artist has been resculpted into the image of William Shatner as he appeared in "Kingdom Of The Spiders." Full of himself, fond of taking odd -- pauses, he must fight opposite Meryl Streep, first in the ring, and later to help destroy a giant octopus that feeds on ham...LEAD. PROTOTYPE: A middle-aged Chris Pine

40s, the greatest actress of the 20th, 21st AND 22nd Century, and willing to kill anyone who doesn't agree with that opinion, she is Meryl Streep's hated rival. A powerhouse actress with big eyes, big eyebrows and big shoulders (and able to ACT with all of them!), Joan is a chain-smoker and a heavy drinker who wants to claw Meryl's eyes out and is convinced that the giant
octopus is a dirty rotten scene-stealer...LEAD. PROTOTYPES: Patti Lupone, Nathan Lane.
50s to 60s, the former President of the United States, rueful with a winning smile and an endless supply of industry anecdotes, and a darn good Mixed Martial Artist to boot, he's yet another long-dead Warner Brothers contract player whose DNA has been brought back from the dead; he's sent into the ring to fight for his life against "Martin Sheen." Who do YOU think wins?...LEAD

Male and female, 8 to 80. Willing to appear as recombinant DNA versions of themselves, only 90 years in the future...CAMEOS

You think you're Mildred Pierce? Let's put you in the ring with Joan Crawford and we'll see who's Mildred Pierce, MISSY!...1 really short, brutally violent scene involving wire hangers

Still in love with Meryl from "Bridges Of Madison County." Hates octopi. Just hates 'em. Likes to blow their heads clean off...

STORY LINE: In the amazing future world of 2100, mad scientist DR. NEUROTICO uses both plastic surgery and recombinant DNA to morph together the bodies of the world's greatest Mixed Martial Artists with the faces of great movie stars of the past. Reigning champion "Meryl Streep" travels to an isolated island off the coast of North Korea to compete in this year's Combat To The Death -- but Meryl gets more than she bargained for when a gigantic octopus surfaces just offshore! Together with a ragtag army of movie star lookalikes, Meryl must fight to save her life -- and the life of all humanity!...


  1. LOL pure awesome. I love when breakdown services has a sense of humor. Tarot card business? That's cool. You really were raised by hippies, you dream-analyzer you!

  2. It's a damn shame this is fake! It has Oscar written all over it!!!! And, yes, I submitted for it. Damn you!

  3. Hey Anon! I didn't write it! I merely reposted. :)


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