"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Still In It to Win It

Being an actress is haaaaaard.....But this is what it takes...... and I am in it to win it.

I wrote that one year ago today. Happy Bloggiversary Struggling Actress!

And to honor Phoenix for inspiring me to one day write as beautifully as she does, I will write my

One Year List of Wows

I cannot believe the support and wonderful comments I have received from not only my friends from college (which was cough! only two years ago hack!) but also complete strangers. They say that writing is a very lonely career, as it's just you and a computer, but that was before the internet and before blogging. How lovely is it to have a community of people who wish me success just because they want me to succeed? They want nothing in return. You selfless people just want me to be happy doing what I love and want to do just because you want me to be happy doing what I love and want to do. I am getting ridiculously emotional here. It's a middle child thing.

2008 was my best acting year. I looked back at it and thought, well heck, 2009 is just going to get better! It didn't. At all. At aaaaaaaaall. But when I look back, some pretty amazing things happened. I started this blog! If you are a fresh out of college actor (like I was 2 years ago cough!) you can find my blog and figure out how to be a Struggling Actress/Actor just like me! I can teach you Headshots 101 and give you advice on what to not do in the room for small indie projects. I don't know the advice to give to get to the level past a Struggling Actress, but this Working Actress is kind enough to.

I did a REALLY bad movie for a production company known for doing REALLY bad movies. I am terrible in it. Absolutely awful.

I did a short I was really proud of and have gotten great feedback on.

I did a recreated events show for post-partum depression. On set with the director, he asked me if I had ever acted before. "A little bit," I had said, not realizing that he must work with quite a few people with even shorter resumes. I thought I was being cheeky, while he thought I was being serious. And he was so kind and assuring to me after every take, that he offered me his business card telling me he'd love to help me if I ever needed guidance on pitching to TLC or Discovery.

I had an awesome audition and callback to play the love interest for TJ Thyne, (who was also in the room and gave me a hug) which was a really big deal for me.

I grew a voice in the blogging community. Which attracted a Sky News reporter. So that I will soon become an International Struggling Actress.

I met a photographer on the Blindsided short set who wants to set up a photo shoot with me because he finds something in me that inspires him.

My friend Dan from a waiting gig we had together in 2008 recently contacted me about doing voiceover work for some animation shorts he's doing. Out of the blue, it seems. And then he said, "I've always envisioned you writing romantic comedies." We are going to meet to hash out the premise I jokingly came up with, that now I am SUPER excited about.

I am a writer for Backstage! And Casting Director Marci Liroff noticed me! That might be very good somewhere down the line. One never knows.

I evaluated what was going on in my career, didn't like how it was proceeding, took the jump, and fired my manager and agent and found new, amazing representation. I advised another friend last night to do the same. I'm happier. I think she will be too.

I co-created a webseries and wrote the entire thing. Which we then filmed the pilot for and my partner will soon be pitching.

I've had several commercial callbacks.

I had an acting class where I was introduced to several fun things.

I got residuals in the mail.

I hair modeled.

I had trouble paying rent.

I had a lot of trouble paying rent.

I cried because of how much trouble I had paying rent and the accompanying feeling of worthlessness and terror.

I was given high fives at an audition.

I have been more inspired to write in my life than I ever have before. With a project I will be asking you to help me on.

I have a final callback today.

I have been listening to "The Universe," "the Collective Consciousness," "God," whatever you call it, and all I hear is that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be writing. I am supposed to be acting.

I am absolutely supposed to be where I am.

And I am so thankful that you are here with me, with your pompoms and sparkle fingers, cheering me on.

With so much wonderment and love and positivety sent your way too,


  1. Keep on truckin', Kellerman. In the words of the teenage boys I used to play World of Warcraft with - "You totally pwn!"


  3. Congrats on all you've learned and achieved in the last year! I AM sincerely happy for you and love reading your entries. We can relate to your struggles, and your successes give us hope. Thanks ;)

  4. SPARKLE FINGERS all over the loveliness that is you!

  5. Awesome. Thanks for sharing...I always love reading your blog!


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