"The label you give yourself cannot impact external forces that are not motivated by your own psychology or influenced by a third party's pre-existing consciousness of you. We are all presented with reasons to struggle which come from completely external forces; to pretend that one is not struggling is either arrogance or an admission of defeat. To admit that one is struggling is a sign and a source of strength." - Evan A. Baker

Monday, July 6, 2009

You Lose Some, You Win Some

Let's talk reviews.

When I did theatre in college, our lovely school newspaper journalists wouldn't critique the performance, they'd summarize the play. Infuriating, right? You don't read a book review to find out what happens. If I'd only known....

All of a sudden, Junction is being written about. A lot. Now, having had enough time to "let it all go" in how I feel about my performance in the film, I can say that you know what? I have some really good scenes. And you know what else? There are some really bad ones in there too. There's one in particular that just makes me squish my face up in embarassment every time I have to watch it. But trust me, it could've been a lot worse. So, hats off to you, Ms Wade, for saving my ass and cutting some of those reallllly bad scenes.

And although I love my family, I can't take what they say about my performance seriously. My dad told me I was beautiful even in my extremely awkward phase, so everything I do onscreen is absolute magic to him. And you can find a few of his online reviews, bless his heart, and almost not see the nepotism in his glowing reviews of "Miss Kellerman." I love you Dad.

So when other people I don't know review the film, it weighs more. It weighs a lot more. When CSharp wrote "Kellerman is wooden at best. Sure she reads out the lines but in all honesty she portrays a character that you can neither identify, nor empathise with" I took that way too much to heart. Wooden? WOODEN?! I laugh in that movie! I cry in that movie! I'm not wooden! And sure, he had gone on to say, "It’s worth noting that the problem the supporting cast face is perhaps not entirely down to their acting talents – or lack of – but more down to the unimaginitive direction and the script itself." which kinda sorta makes up for it, but then slams the film back again, so you know, the whole thing smarted. And smarted a lot. Einsteinian, almost.

And I went to set that same day for the 3D film with a sad little emoticon drawn over my heart. Should I give this up? Aren't I tired of struggling? Of course, then the thought of WHAT THE EFF ELSE CAN I DO WITH MY COLLEGE DEGREE?!?! gives me acid reflux and I have to remember to calm down and think clearly. Don't let it bother you, I had to think to myself. You are good enough, I had to say to myself in the mirror (which works!). I mean, YOU'RE THE LEAD IN THIS FILM RIGHT NOW!

Later that same night, Jennifer Smart, a 12 year old who plays Annie Winchester in the movie, and Patty Roberts, 13, who plays my daughter, are giggling next to me at the Craft Services table (which you can pretty much always find me at). This was normal during the shoot, but they kept poking each other and saying, "you have to tell her!" "no, I can't!" "you have to!"
"What do you have to tell me?" I finally ask, mouth full of bbq potato chips.
They both come up to me, and Jen Smart says, "When I grow up, I want to be as good an actress as you are."
Once I picked myself up off the floor and dusted myself off, I stared right into her eyes and said, "Jen, you have no idea how much that means to me. Espeically today."

And a lot of people came to my ego rescue and said incredibly nice things to me. NC wrote to me "The only thing wooden about your performance was my physical reaction to watching it. HOTTY!" which I owe him a big fat kiss for, and DTaylor wrote "If critics didn't have negative trash to talk all of their reviews would be too light and fluffy for anyone to care about. Don't sweat it." Thanks guys!

But we're also mentioned here

JUNCTION (Celebrity Video) A troubled young woman (April Wade) discovers some dark family secrets from her incarcerated father and must wrestle with the decision of whether to expose, and eventually destroy them, or let sleeping dogs lie. Wade delivers a double-barreled performance as the unstable Michaela, and also wrote the screenplay with co-star Lira Kellerman (also excellent) and James Ryan. Assured direction by Neal Fradsham. Bonuses: Commentary by Wade and Kellerman; Photo gallery; Trailers. Widescreen. Dolby 2.0 mono.

See That? I'm ALSO EXCELLENT! Suck it CSharp!

So I guess even though you can't please every body, you CAN please a few. A few who aren't even related to you. And I guess the moral of the story is that it's really the most important thing to remember to always please yourself.

At least once a day if you're a guy.

[edit: I tried 3 times to reduce the above shouting font to no avail. Sorry.]

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